Is this cheating?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Pyreath, Mar 5, 2011.

  1. Pyreath

    Pyreath Member

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    Hey guys,

    I'm bi and I've been dating this girl for a month and its quite a pretty serious relationship..

    But the thing is, before I dated her me and my best friend (a guy) used to just have mutual wank sessions, sometimes he jacked me off sometimes I jacked him off. We often lie in bed hugging each other feeling each other's presence.

    The thing is I don't feel anything for him - but with a friend as a male bonding experience I don't want to stop what I used to do with him.

    Does this amount to cheating on my girlfriend though?
     
  2. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    Interesting situation. What you need to ask yourself is what would she think?

    Is she a jealous type? Would she see it as cheating? Because everybody could come up with a different take on this as it isn't straight out cheating.

    My suggestion is you talk to your guy friend and discuss it with him. I would stop though, for a start, does she even know you're bi? This might freak her out more if she finds out. If you are serious about her, you should only really want her.
     
    #2 _Jonesy, Mar 5, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2011
  3. maxcok

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    If you keep it a secret from her and she's not okay with it, it's cheating. End of.
     
  4. DV8

    DV8
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    Great response. I will go ahead and add that a good rule of thumb that should be considered is "If you have to ask, then you probably shouldn't." I am curious about whether or not she knows as well. I'm sure that I'm going to step on toes saying this- and what I'm about to say isn't just for the poster. But before you get into anything serious, you need to let that person know up front who you are. That way, when things do get serious and you start getting comfortable, you don't run into shit like this. So many men, and women as well, make this very mistake. They find someone, hide their true feelings, views, and preferences, fall in love, and then shit starts coming to the surface with them- at which point they believe that they can juggle both. Then you have guys meeting on here and jerking off together behind their spouse's back on skype, yahoo, and msn; or in your case his or his bed. Fuck that shit.

    If you're bi, find a bi friendly man or woman- someone who is cool with you and what you do. Stop trying to hide who you are, because you should be able to trust anyone love. You get one life to live, and it can be quite stressful- you might as well enjoy it guilt free and honestly. Just sayin'.
     
    #4 DV8, Mar 5, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2011
  5. DV8

    DV8
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    Oh, My Dear Max- we meet again on such a topic.
     
  6. maxcok

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    Yeah, these days I just cut to the chase ;-)




    p.s. luv the new ava, granny.
     
  7. DV8

    DV8
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    Well I have to say that I adore you for it! And thank you! The new avatar luvs you too, studly. I felt that it was very...ME.
     
  8. EmJay

    EmJay New Member

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    You are dating for a month and it is quite a serious relationship?:confused:
    Why are you moving so fast?


    Yes fooling around with your best friend or any other person for that matter is cheating if you are in a relationship with another person (and they do not know about what you are doing). If you can't be honest about being bi and-or the fact that you still need that male attention now and again...you are cheating whenever you act on those desires.

    She needs to know if you feel you can't be fully committed to her alone in the relationship. She is allowed to make that choice. And for you right now its important to assess her openmindedness to bi-sexuality in her own life and relationships.

    Why do you even want to get into something 'serious' if you are not ready yet to totally focus your attention on the person you are with? let alone be honest about who you are and what you need?
     
  9. maxcok

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    Well, if you say so. Somehow I can't imagine a PA under that frock, but I suppose anything's possible. ;-)
     
  10. petite

    petite New Member

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    If you feel like you have to keep it a secret from her, then it's cheating.
     
  11. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    What he said.
     
  12. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    I like that, that's good. Very conservative, but in relationships you sometimes have to be. Always play it safe, or people get hurt.
     
  13. Drifterwood

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    I wouldn't presume anything.

    I would tell her that you are to some degree bi-sexual and then discuss what that means to your relationship with each other.

    It is not her place to tell you who you are and how you should behave. That is always your decision. If she accepts your sexuality but asks you not to act upon it with another person, then it is your decision whether you are happy to agree to that.
     
  14. B_Ctendall

    B_Ctendall New Member

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    I say it is not
     
  15. pcghabsy

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    If she knows about it and feels comfortable, I don't see any problem. However, if you hide it from her, knowing it's something she'll be upset over - yes, it is cheating. Maybe "cheating" in the more literal sense, than adultery. The best thing would be to tell her. If it's a pretty serious relationship, at least she will listen.
     
  16. GayFrog

    GayFrog Member

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    I could never understand why people have to justify their actions to themselves and to others. You know it is wrong and are trying to make excuses and looking for someone to say it's okay and to pat you on the back. How could you possibly say, "it's quite a pretty serious relationship," when you are not taking it seriously. This girl has quite obviously fell in love with someone she doesn't know and has not been given the chance to truly know who you are.

    You will never have "a serious relationship" with this girl or anyone for that matter until you come to terms with who you are and stop the deceit and lies. When you feel guilty it is because you know you are doing something that is wrong; and now, you're looking for ways to justify your actions.

    Just be honest and search your own heart you already know what you should do.
     
  17. GayFrog

    GayFrog Member

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    gytre mnjhy
     
    #17 GayFrog, Mar 5, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2011
  18. Pyreath

    Pyreath Member

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    she knows im bi...
     
  19. Pyreath

    Pyreath Member

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    She knows im bi..
     
  20. pcghabsy

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    But, does she know about your adventures with your best friend?
     
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