Jealousy or overthinking?

[Noah Vega]

I have this friend that I enjoy hanging out with. We met at a bar and always match each others energy. We’ll call him J.

J and I tend to approach people at bars together to make socializing a little easier that usually leads to flirting. Now obviously we can’t control who the other person likes but whenever I’m the one being shown more interest, J seems to get an attitude with everything.

This has happened multiple times where I’m enjoying the night, and I look over to see J just having an annoyed look and not talking to anyone. The most recent example happened a few days ago.

J and I are at a bar drinking and a guy (we’ll call him C) comes up to us and asks us to watch his drink. We watch it while he goes to the restroom and J says “he’s pretty cute”

Now I’m not the type to compete for a guy so I take this as J calling dibs and play wingman.

C comes back and joins us, I’m staying more quiet while letting J do the talking so he can shoot his shot. Throughout the convo C continues to turn his attention and questions to me and this is where J gets defensive in body language and mannerisms.

There’s a flair to his voice and J stands between C and I.

At one point C finds an excuse to touch my chest and asks for my phone number.

Not wanting to seem like I’m “Stealing J’s thunder” I hesitate and before I can answer J jumps in saying “Who’s number you asking for? Here I’ll give you mine”

By the end of the night it’s clear C is more interested in me than J and J let’s it be known that he wants to ditch C for “playing mind games” when in reality it felt like I was being cockblocked out of jealousy.

If I’m having a 1 on 1 chat with C, J will see it and butt in. Making sure to wedge himself between us.

If we’re dancing, J will stand there looking annoyed until he gets attention from C.


Idk if I’m overthinking it or what but this isn’t the first time this has happened. What do y’all think is going on?

 

[JBD_Mikk]

That sounds like flagrant jealousy. I could understand it happening once, but I'd hesitate to call J a "friend" if on multiple occasions he's sabotaged potential connections for you out of his own selfishness.

 

[Niki_Smith]

Bros before hoes.

 

[FranklinWTF67]

It seems like a pretty classic case of bruised ego.
J is used to you two being a package deal where attention is roughly even, and the moment it’s clearly not, it messes with him. Not because he likes the guy that much, but because being the second choice hits his pride. That’s it. No mystery.

This isn’t romantic jealousy in the sense of “he wanted C so badly.” It’s status jealousy. If you’re the one consistently getting chosen, you’re unintentionally higher in the pecking order. Most people don’t consciously agree to that hierarchy, but they feel it instantly when it shows up. J feels it, and he doesn’t know how to swallow it without acting out. You being polite, quiet, or “not wanting to steal thunder” doesn’t actually help. It makes it worse. Because now J isn’t just losing attention, he’s losing it despite you holding back. That can feel humiliating, even if it’s irrational.

So what do you do, practically, to make things less awkward without pretending the hierarchy doesn’t exist?

Stop over-accommodating. You don’t need to shrink or hesitate to protect his ego. That just prolongs the tension. When someone likes you, respond normally and cleanly. The more natural you are, the less it looks like a competition and the more things naturally unfold.

Decouple your social strategies. Approaching people together is fun until one person starts resenting the outcome. You don’t need to ditch him entirely, but spacing out who you talk to and when reduces the direct comparison that’s clearly triggering him.

And if you actually value the friendship, the cleanest fix is a low-drama acknowledgment outside the bar. Not a big emotional talk. Just something grounded: “I feel like nights get weird when someone’s more into me, and I don’t want that tension between us.” You’re not accusing him. Just address the elephant in the room and see if he can handle it like an adult.

 

[Perorero]

I think you need to find better friends. Actually nice people