Joke contest

[tillyrox]

Hey Sweetie, um i dont think many people have made up a joke themselves before, i know that every joke that i have heard and told, has been passed on for ages, i mean jokes in my neck of the woods go round in fads, the joke is around for a while then dies then they come back again, to be honest i dont think anyone has made a new joke since jokes were first made. lol

Luv Ya
Tilly

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Calebshung, originality is a rarity nowadays there, dude. so don't be too disappointed if you don't find many original if any jokes around here.

 

[smallman]

Originally posted by MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK@Jul 28 2005, 08:25 AM
Calebshung, originality is a rarity nowadays there, dude. so don't be too disappointed if you don't find many original if any jokes around here.

[post=332458]Quoted post[/post]​

maybe he could go to a stand up comic board?

 

[Latinoboy9]

Hey Steve!

Yeah Fred?

I had a dream I was a muffler last night...

Really?

Yeah!

I woke up exhausted!!!



LOL! Jose'Latinoboy9

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

OK, you want one that's fast and stupid? Here goes:
I knew a girl once who used gunpowder for makeup;
Her complexion was shot to hell!

(Grabs faceguard for impending rotten tomato throwers)

 

[DC_DEEP]

I know I'm gonna catch hell for this completely "politically incorrect" and insensitive joke, but here goes...

What's the difference between a priest and a zit?
A zit doesn't come on a boy's face until he reaches puberty.

What's the difference between a jr. high girls' track team and a tribe of pygmies? The pygmies are a bunch of cunning little runts.

 

[Pecker]

Things you don't say to Frankenstein's monster:

"You're looking grave."
"Broke any mirrors lately?"
"One grunt for yes, two grunts for no."
"Gotta light?"
*holding up a bucket of KFC* "Tell me, stranger, are you from these parts?"

 

[Altairion]

Here's one I heard a few weeks back that involves direct interaction from the receiver of the joke (for me...this would be a nice chick, but I'm sure it can work for either side)

First off, walk up to someone and ask "What's your malleability?"

After a brief vapid look that adorns most sorority girl's faces and a little giggle, she replies with "What's malleability?"

Your simple and to the point response: "The ability to be pounded into sheets."


Not only is this a great joke, but I'm sure it'll work as an awesome pickup line

 

[steve319]

Originally posted by DC_DEEP@Aug 18 2005, 07:28 AM
What's the difference between a priest and a zit?
A zit doesn't come on a boy's face until he reaches puberty.

Breathtakingly horrible. I laughed out loud.

Here's an old one:

The routine practice of circumcision was part of a certain doctor's job and he found himself reluctant to throw the foreskins away after the operation. So he saved them all in a jar of formaldehyde. Many years went by, the time for the doctor to retire from practice, and when cleaning out his office he came across the jar, which by now contained hundreds of foreskins. It seemed a pity to throw them out after all this time, so, certain that they could be put to some use, he took them down to the tailor around the corner and asked that he make something with them.

"No problem", said the tailor. "Come back next week."

A week went by and the tailor proudly presented the doctor with a wallet. "Now wait a minute!" protested the doctor with a wallet. "There was literally hundreds of foreskins in that jar, and all I've got to show for it is a measly wallet?"

"Relax", said the tailor, "You rub it for a little bit, and it turns into a briefcase."

(ba-dum-bump)

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Grab some heavey duty cleaner for that one, 'cause it's got mold on it.

Here's an old Monica Lewinski one I just now remembered:

Monica walks into a dry cleaners with a dress,

She tells the cleaning person, "This dress is stained, I want to get it cleaned."

Puzzled, the attendant askes, "Come again?"

"No!" Monica replys, "this time it's horseradish."

 

[godiluvabig1]

Originally posted by steve319+Aug 21 2005, 09:49 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(steve319 &#064; Aug 21 2005, 09:49 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-DC_DEEP@Aug 18 2005, 07:28 AM
What&#39;s the difference between a priest and a zit?
A zit doesn&#39;t come on a boy&#39;s face until he reaches puberty.

Breathtakingly horrible. I laughed out loud.

Here&#39;s an old one:

The routine practice of circumcision was part of a certain doctor&#39;s job and he found himself reluctant to throw the foreskins away after the operation. So he saved them all in a jar of formaldehyde. Many years went by, the time for the doctor to retire from practice, and when cleaning out his office he came across the jar, which by now contained hundreds of foreskins. It seemed a pity to throw them out after all this time, so, certain that they could be put to some use, he took them down to the tailor around the corner and asked that he make something with them.

"No problem", said the tailor. "Come back next week."

A week went by and the tailor proudly presented the doctor with a wallet. "Now wait a minute&#33;" protested the doctor with a wallet. "There was literally hundreds of foreskins in that jar, and all I&#39;ve got to show for it is a measly wallet?"

"Relax", said the tailor, "You rub it for a little bit, and it turns into a briefcase."

(ba-dum-bump)

[post=337070]Quoted post[/post]​

[/b][/quote]

I&#39;ve heard that one before, but it&#39;s good to know that someone other than me has heard it....


A man is fingering his wife when suddenly she asks him to take off his wedding band... The man looks at his wife and says, "Honey, that&#39;s not my ring, that&#39;s my watch" :wow:


Don&#39;t even ask me about the voodoo dick :evilgrin:

 

[Pappy]

What do you call constipation in China??














Hung-Chow

 

[jakeatolla]

Cold Winter

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn&#39;t tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and
asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it&#39;s going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It&#39;s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

 

[PinkSteel]

What&#39;s the first thing Adam said to Eve?




"You&#39;d better stand back, we dont&#39; know how big this thing is going to get"

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

here&#39;s one I&#39;m going to re-hash because I wanted to:

An old man is sitting in the park, feeding the pigeons,

Then a young man with wildy colored spiked hair sits down next to him.

the old man is flabbergasted by his hair style and stares for a minute.

Then the young man asks, "What&#39;s the matter,Pops? Didn&#39;t you ever do anything wild and crazy when you were my age??"

"Sure&#33;" the old man replies, "Twenty years ago I fucked a parrot, and I thought you were my kid&#33;"

 

[B_HappyHammer1977]

Whats&#39;s the difference between Bono and Jesus?


Jesus doesn&#39;t walk around Dublin pretending he&#39;s Bono.




Two elephants fell off a cliff - BOOM BOOM&#33;

 

[5734]

This is a MJ joke

Whas the difference between Micheal jackson and Mickey Mouse

They both are black

they wear white gloves

and they love children

simple.

 

[Pecker]

Michael Jackson is black?? Well&#33; I never&#33;&#33;

 

[Phox04]

Originally posted by Pecker@Sep 23 2005, 11:58 AM
Well&#33; I never&#33;&#33;

[post=345922]Quoted post[/post]​

You should, it&#39;s fun&#33;

 

[Bb luv]

O kaayyyy...a joke, hhhhmmmm, how&#39;s this.

Why does the weather people always get the weather wrong?

Cause they&#39;re nothing but psychic rejects.