Last update on father.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by dolf250, May 11, 2007.

  1. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    Hello;
    Sorry I have not had an opportunity to write and update anybody as to what has been happening with my father. Part of it was a lack of time and part of it was a lack of will to spread bad news. I think I was waiting for some positive news to give people; none has come. As of now we moved dad from a level 2 of care to a level3. What that means is that they do not have “boots” on him to circulate blood and prevent blood clots. We are not treating his pneumonia and are not giving him any drugs aside from those for comfort. There are no monitors hooked up. When his heart misses a beat there is no alarm and when it stops nobody will know until somebody goes to check him. He has less than 2 weeks.

    So now the funeral planning has begun. Actually, it is almost done and the date is set. I wish I could give better news on his health, but if 3 represents brain death and 15 somebody who is functional then my father started at a 6. He was a 5 a week ago and is now a 4. He is going the wrong way and trying to let go of his life so we are trying to let him.

    I am not going to post when it actually happens as it is imminent. Instead I will post if a miracle occurs. The simple fact is that the chances of that are about the same as winning the lotto, and I do not buy tickets for them, so...

    Thanks for your letters of support, prayers and well wishes. It really has not been a fun month and knowing that there are some people who are pulling for me has helped.

    One final word of advice again- get off your ass and get a personal directive; do not put your family in the position of having to say the words “pull the plug.” If you love them spare them that much at least.

    -Danny
     
  2. swordfishME

    swordfishME Member

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    Danny,

    I cannot begin to describe how much it saddened me to read your post today. I was hoping to hear some good news from you regarding your father and instead we are on what seems like a death watch. I am truly sorry. I can imagine what a roller coaster ride you and your family must on be on, hoping against hope for a miracle. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. Hang in there, miracles do happen and if in this case they don’t, remember he is going to be in a much better place.

    Jeff
     
  3. fortiesfun

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    Thank you for taking the time to let us know how things are with you, even though the news is not good. My thoughts and prayers remain with you and yours. Myself, maybe I'll buy a lotto ticket today just to urge the occasional miracle to keep appearing, and hope one comes your way.
     
  4. dudepiston

    dudepiston New Member

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    Danny: Wow, man. I didn't realize what you were going through or I'd have written earlier. I just did a search and found your older post about this. A car accident! I'm so sorry this has occured, and wanted you know you're being thought about.
     
  5. PoohBear59

    PoohBear59 New Member

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    Oh, Danny....

    It's so hard. Just make sure he hears you say you love him before he's gone. You both need that.

    With my dad, I told him I would not let his death ruin my life. I didn't want to put that on him. But your mileage may vary on this point.

    Remember, they can be in a coma and still hear you say you love them. Even if they are gone, it helps you to say it out loud.

    I lost my first lover in 2000 and was bereft, so by the time Dad died in 2003 I had navigated these waters. I was able to hold his cold hand at the viewing and speak to him for all to hear, to speak before those at his funeral, and to carry his coffin. If this is your first time, this may not all happen for you.

    Death is part of life. Don't miss out on any part of life, that is what I think.
     
  6. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Sorry to hear your dad is doing so poorly, Danny, but I'm glad you've got things as much under control as possible.

    You're right about the advance directive. I've been my mother's caregiver for the last 16 years and she recently had a cancerous lump removed from her breast. Now we've found that she also has a tumor on a kidney and suspicious spots on both lungs. She's had a living will for years - no heroic medical procedures if they won't improve her chances of a quality life - and today she and I see our lawyer to sign a medical power of attorney so I can handle her affairs when she no longer can.

    Good luck to you, Danny. All my prayers for your dad.
     
  7. madame_zora

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    I just wish I could be there to give you a big hug, you're going to need a lot of them. While it can't be easy doing what you're doing, I hope you know it's the "right" thing, as much as anything can be when all the choices are bad. You've become very dear to me, and my heart goes out to you to be the one who has to be so strong. Take care of yourself most of all. I'll be thinking about you, and waiting for a call when you feel like it.
     
  8. agnslz

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    Danny, how terribly sad this is. I know we all hoped that your father's condition would improve and that he might be able to pull through. I lost my dad almost six years ago and I still cry for him often and miss him everyday. There will be many tough times ahead, but keep your memories of him near and dear in your heart and they will help to get you through them. I wish only the best for you and your family in the tough days ahead.
     
  9. naughty

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    Danny,

    I will be praying for you and for the rest of your family. I know it has been a painful marathon for all of you. I think everyone here has given you such wonderful words of consolation and advice. Do talk to him. I remember my dad was in a similar situation in his last stages of lung cancer. We talked to him and rubbed him to the end. They can hear you and it is a comfort for all concerned. KNow that we love you and that we will be thinking of you at this time. I too send a big hug to you through the computer.:smile:
     
  10. Principessa

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    I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what this is like for you. My thoughts and prayers are still with you and your family.
     
  11. Countryguy63

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    Hi Danny,

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I also lost my Dad a little over 2 years ago. With him, it was sudden and I never got the chance to say Goodbye. Even though we talked regularly, it had been a couple of weeks since the last time, and now I wish that I just had one more chance to tell him how much I loved him. I echo the advice already given. Talk to him often and tell him everytime. I too believe that he will hear you.

    Please take care of yourself, while you are tending to others.

    ((Hugs))
     
  12. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    Danny take good care of yourself and all my best wishes to you to give you strength to deal with this.
     
  13. rawbone8

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    Danny

    I am sorry to hear that his condition is going this way.

    I was fortunate to be with family gathered at my dad's bedside at the end, and though he was not fully conscious at that time, we "felt" his release and were there for each other. There are few things as affecting as that.

    I wish you a miracle and offer best wishes to you and the family. Stay well yourself.
     
  14. NCbear

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    My best to you and your loved ones, Danny. I admire you tremendously and have done so for years (both while lurking and after joining).

    I hope you can find within this incredibly difficult time a moment or two when you can get away temporarily to regroup and recharge.

    Take care,

    NCbear (who knows how emotionally and physically draining a long period of failing health in a loved one can be)
     
  15. viking1

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    Sorry to hear that. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Best wishes to you and your family.

    I know what it's like. I lost my Dad in February of 2006. Now my Mom is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's. She also fell and broke her hip, and she has severe arthritis. It's really tough to face these situations. I wish you strength and courage through these bad times.
     
  16. dreamer20

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  17. biguy2738

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    My most heartfelt condolences, dreamer. I just saw your post for TK which left me deeply touched. The fact that you are able to reach out and console another in the midst of your own mourning, is a testament to your compassion and great character. I'm certain that your father died a proud man. Be gentle with yourself and know that you have my support in whichever way possible.
     
  18. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    :grouphug:
     
  19. fortiesfun

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    Dolf, you are in my thoughts and prayers today, as is your father.
     
  20. dreamer20

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    Thank you biguy.:redface:
     
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