Long Distance

[Fenris11]

Hi all!

Ok back story- I have been single for quite some time now, which in itself is not a problem. The last guy I was in a relationship with lived over 2 hours drive away. I know this is not much distance for some. Now we both worked full time, so only saw each other at weekends.

We eventually moved in together, which went well for a while. Long story short - after 3 years of living together it was not working so well, so he moves back home.
Then like before we only saw each other at weekends. It got to the point he became fed up with dedicating his weekends to spending time with me. we did not see friends unless we went places together all the time. We did not have much independent space, only in the working week. Before long we ended it, we grew apart really.

Now, my questions are:

Have you been in a long distance relationship?

If so, what was the distance?

Do you feel long distance relationships can work?
Did it work for you, and for how long? (before it ended or you moved closer/in together)

I know the long term goal is to move in with the person you are with and to settle down. Well this is my long term goal at least.
Just looking for other opinions and experiences of long distance relationships

Cheers

 

[concupisys]

i think 'long term' is the operative word in this kind of situation.... given that you and this bloke were together for so long and had actually moved in together, it seems that you both at least felt strongly enough to try and make it work.... however, if maintaining your relationship from a distance takes so much work that the rest of your life suffers as a result, then you have to seriously think about whether what you're getting from the relationship is worth what you're not getting outside your relationship.... i can't say i've experienced this before, but for those i know who have, the intensity of the connection plays a big factor as well as whether or not one of you is willing to take the plunge and sacrifice their established habitat to be closer with their partner.... my brother and his wife had their 2 year courtship from a distance of 4 hours apart, and his wife decided to move here to be with him since where she lived didn't have as much opportunity.... they didn't see each other every weekend, but made the effort when they could and talked on the phone and internet between their times together....

what i'm ultimately saying is that in order for a long distance relationship to work, the connection has to be strong enough that you are both willing to make sacrifices in order to make the relationship work.... it's not something that can be done with a casual relationship; in the case of that it's best you just be friends or friends with benefits.... lots of people will delude themselves in to staying in a long term relationship because they simply don't want to be single.... frankly: a person is better off single and happy than to be in a non-committed long term relationship and be miserable.... depending on the connection, it's just something that you and the other person involved have to work out for yourselves.....

 

[Kdeimos]

My husband and I are currently living Upstate NY to GA because of work/grad school. It certainly isn't easy, but we try really hard to make it work. Thank goodness for Skype! Also, if you're serious about the LDR, I would suggest investigating the Clone-A-Willy kit! It is an amazing and wonderful thing!
Like folks have said though - we were married first, so we know it's going to work.
But in the past, I was in a LDR with me living in JAPAN and my now ex living in Florida. For TWO YEARS. Same basic idea though - we made time to see each other even if it just a quick hi-bye when one of us was going to work while the other was going to bed. Sure, we eventually broke up, but not for anything to do with our time apart - we got back together afterwards and were together for another 2 or 3 years after. If anything, us living together made it worse than being apart
But yes, LDRs can totally work, but both people have to want to and be willing to work to make it work.

 

[NicholasSommerby]

Long distance is one of those things that depends on the people attempting it. Does it work for some? Most definitely. For others? It's doomed before it's even started.

I attempted it once before, the distance being from Washington (aka where I'm at) to California (Where he was at). I found that I personally can't do them, really. It was Skyping every day at a certain time and talking, which really for that distance should be perfectly acceptable since there's really nothing else that you can do. Again though, for me personally, talking for hours at a time EVERY single day was too much for me and I need some time to myself away from everything so I can breathe. I'm also the type that craves some kind of physical connection (no, I'm not talking about straight up sex, I'm talking simply just being able to hold them or be close to them) every so often (at least 2-3 times a week), which if I'm not getting it, it starts to bother me more and more.

So yeah. Doomed before it started. For me anyways.