Looking For Love

Malcolm24graham

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Hey guys. So, I’m 23 and looking for love. I’m falling for one of my current friends that also happen to be my coworker. I just met him last year, and since meeting at work we also hangout outside of work. We have been to movies together, dinners, and we go out to the bar with our mutual friends. Each day I’m with him I feel myself growing closer to him. The only problem is that I don’t know enough about him to know what his sexual orientation is. I do know he had a girlfriend three years ago but hasn’t been with anyone since. And he is too damn good looking to be single. In the last year he has barely ever mentioned interested in women at all. Everyone that sees us together thinks we are gay for each other and I know I am on my end. Sometimes he also texts me in the middle of the night at 3am and 4am. But he only ever texts me about anime or common shows I go him into watching. Other than that I get mixed signals of him liking me. Most days at work he is all over me, making sure we takes our breaks together or coming over to check up on me. And other days I just don’t feel the same spark.

Ps, he sometimes uses an usual amount of newer gay slang most straight men wouldn’t know and he breaks out into song a lot. And I was searching through his twitter and saw that he committed on one of his gay friends hoe pics about how big his ass was.

I know most are gonna say you can never tell if a guy is gay or straight or not. All I’m asking is that enough information to him possibly liking me and how should I act on my feelings
 

Tbprivate

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As you seem like good friends and spend a lot of time together you could arrange for a trip away allowing you quality time, even sharing a room and see how the conversations and opportunities arise.
However, be prepared for the disappointment of learning he’s straight and/or not into you.
 

Malcolm24graham

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As you seem like good friends and spend a lot of time together you could arrange for a trip away allowing you quality time, even sharing a room and see how the conversations and opportunities arise.
However, be prepared for the disappointment of learning he’s straight and/or not into you.
Thanks. I am prepared
 

cedarizzo

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I would recommend that when the two of you are alone, you mention how you find a particular guy (actor/singer/friend) really attractive. See how he reacts to that. I wouldn't even mention that you are gay, just that you find the guy attractive. See what his reaction is to this. If you feel like he took it positively, you could slowly start mentioning about you being gay and how you are attracted to men. I wouldn't rush it, just take it slow.

I see it going 2 different ways. 1) It breaks the sexual ice and lets him open up to you about his sexuality. or 2) He felt comfortable with you because he is not sexual and it wasn't brought up. But when you mention something sexual, he might close up or be offended that you brought it up. If he is very closeted, this might trigger him to shut you out.

It can really go either way and you might lose him as a friend.
 

Malcolm24graham

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I would recommend that when the two of you are alone, you mention how you find a particular guy (actor/singer/friend) really attractive. See how he reacts to that. I wouldn't even mention that you are gay, just that you find the guy attractive. See what his reaction is to this. If you feel like he took it positively, you could slowly start mentioning about you being gay and how you are attracted to men. I wouldn't rush it, just take it slow.

I see it going 2 different ways. 1) It breaks the sexual ice and lets him open up to you about his sexuality. or 2) He felt comfortable with you because he is not sexual and it wasn't brought up. But when you mention something sexual, he might close up or be offended that you brought it up. If he is very closeted, this might trigger him to shut you out.

It can really go either way and you might lose him as a friend.
Thanks for your input. I’ll try
 
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Brodie888

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One of our mutual friends I am. And I also told them about my feelings for him

It's hard for anyone to give you advice without knowing you or your friend personally.

If I can assume you are really good friends with this guy and he is not homophobic as he already has other gay friends; my suggestion would be to find the right moment to admit to him that you've come to terms with who you are. That being a gay man. Ask that you hope that he is ok with that and hope that your friendship won't change between the two of you and you are still you.

Then see what he says. If he doesn't out himself, then hopefully your friendship will continue and nothing will change. If he does admit he's into guys too then take it from there too.
 

Malcolm24graham

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So I told him in front of our other mutual friend I told the day before and I told him “hey man I’m actually gay and if you don’t want to be my friend anymore that’s totally fine.” He kinda put his head down and smiled a little and I couldn’t tell if he was about to laugh or not. Then he made a joke saying he hated me and then said said it was okay Thanks for trusting me to be honest and open.... i appreciate it... you’re my friend...So my ruling right now is that he straight, but it’s not like I expected him to also come out right there in front of our friend just because I was. So he texted me later that night about anime and I noticed his texts where quicker and longer than usual but for now I say he is straight but I am still hopeful. Not sweating it tho..other fish in the sea.
 
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cedarizzo

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I'm glad you were able to open up to him and that it went okay. The one time I opened up to a friend, he shut me down and I never talked to him again. It took me many years to realize how immature he was in that situation. I still have lots of hope for something more to happen between the two of you, but just enjoy what you have.
 

Malcolm24graham

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I'm glad you were able to open up to him and that it went okay. The one time I opened up to a friend, he shut me down and I never talked to him again. It took me many years to realize how immature he was in that situation. I still have lots of hope for something more to happen between the two of you, but just enjoy what you have.
Thanks for the support. I never thought I would meet somebody that would make me want to come out and expose my life like that. But I have strong feelings for him but if nothing romantically happens from this I’m just proud I still have a buddy. Hopefully tomorrow when I see him in person he won’t act weird, but I’m glad he still texted me.
 
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