Ltr Gone Bad

[Jarizzi]

I had a very similar situation with a past boyfriend. After I caught him on the dating/hookup site, he insisted that he was just looking for excitement and that he never intended to meet up with anyone online (even though he was giving out his phone number and secretly texting other men, even going so far as telling one guy to come and visit him at work and suggesting they ‘hang out’ the next time I wasn’t around). He swore that he didn’t want an open relationship and that he’d stop talking to guys online. Well, I ended up catching him online many times over the next four years. Every time I’d catch him, he’d say the same thing — ‘I love you, I don’t know why I did that. I only want you. I promise I don’t need to do that anymore.’

Eventually our relationship ended after I found out my boyfriend had been unfaithful (I found out when I got an STD — fortunately an easily curable one). I wish I’d broken up with him after the very first time I caught him. He couldn’t be happy with just one man. He needed attention from other guys all the time. Whether or not it was his intention to cheat, he played with fire by talking to other men behind my back and in the end, I guess he just couldn’t resist temptation.

 

[erpap]

I had a very similar situation with a past boyfriend. After I caught him on the dating/hookup site, he insisted that he was just looking for excitement and that he never intended to meet up with anyone online (even though he was giving out his phone number and secretly texting other men, even going so far as telling one guy to come and visit him at work and suggesting they ‘hang out’ the next time I wasn’t around). He swore that he didn’t want an open relationship and that he’d stop talking to guys online. Well, I ended up catching him online many times over the next four years. Every time I’d catch him, he’d say the same thing — ‘I love you, I don’t know why I did that. I only want you. I promise I don’t need to do that anymore.’

Eventually our relationship ended after I found out my boyfriend had been unfaithful (I found out when I got an STD — fortunately an easily curable one). I wish I’d broken up with him after the very first time I caught him. He couldn’t be happy with just one man. He needed attention from other guys all the time. Whether or not it was his intention to cheat, he played with fire by talking to other men behind my back and in the end, I guess he just couldn’t resist temptation.

 

[DavidAlmeria]

Do you meet people in real life or just online?

Both but mainly online...hardly ever in real life. But it’s not for want of trying.

 

[DavidAlmeria]

The situation is more complex than just cheating.
If you love and live with someone and there is absolutely no sex for 10 years ( I’m my case) ..neither is really to blame but both need some sort of sexual outlet.
What do people suggest? Breaking up an otherwise perfectly good very long term relationship ? Or the old answer....conversation, discussion and sharing thoughts.
Believe me if you haven’t discussed it in 10 or 15 years , you’re not going to start now.

A lot of married couples I know of our age sleep in separate rooms and I doubt they ever have sex. I don’t know how or if they get separate sexual release though.

Most of the guys I meet online and in real life are middle aged and in sexless marriages so, there’s a lot of it about.

 

[erpap]

The situation is more complex than just cheating.
If you love and live with someone and there is absolutely no sex for 10 years ( I’m my case) ..neither is really to blame but both need some sort of sexual outlet.
What do people suggest? Breaking up an otherwise perfectly good very long term relationship ? Or the old answer....conversation, discussion and sharing thoughts.
Believe me if you haven’t discussed it in 10 or 15 years , you’re not going to start now.

A lot of married couples I know of our age sleep in separate rooms and I doubt they ever have sex. I don’t know how or if they get separate sexual release though.

Most of the guys I meet online and in real life are middle aged and in sexless marriages so, there’s a lot of it about.

So then you would have no problem with a partner chatting with others online, sharing pics, vids, information?
I have made some bold statements on this site about what I’d like to do with someone, so I’m no angel. But I I would never do it. Now I’m probably rationalizing here. I think this site is a lot different than a hookup app. Makes me think my partner is looking to meet someone for sex. Maybe not and it’s just pure jerking off but the unknot is bothering me. Especially when he posted two pics of himself.

 

[erpap]

Well today we had a talk and admitted a lot of things to each other about incidents that happen in our relationship that has pushed us away from each other. He admitted to chatting with other guys but could never bring himself to do anything. He didn’t admit to his profile on a dating site though. And I’m a hypocrite because it doesn’t sit well with me that he chatted with others. I wonder what they talked about. Even through I’ve done the same. With me though I have never taken it to a point of actually setting up something. And I don’t know how far he has gone with his chatting. God, I hate being eaten alive by this! At least the talk is a start.

 

[erpap]

And yet again I see him online again tonight!

 

[DavidAlmeria]

So then you would have no problem with a partner chatting with others online, sharing pics, vids, information?
I have made some bold statements on this site about what I’d like to do with someone, so I’m no angel. But I I would never do it. Now I’m probably rationalizing here. I think this site is a lot different than a hookup app. Makes me think my partner is looking to meet someone for sex. Maybe not and it’s just pure jerking off but the unknot is bothering me. Especially when he posted two pics of himself.

No, I’d have absolutely no problem at all with my partner messaging, sharing photos, masturbating over the phone or video calls. In fact it would excite me immensely.
Of course everyone is different.

 

[dreamer20]

You've not been intimate together for a long time. Why? Have you both mutually decided to live a life of abstention / asceticism now? Why has this relationship gone bad?

Re: the following July 6, 2017 post:

where has LPSG been? this is a rad site!Ima...mostly...gay bro from Califinto good vibes and cool cats
I love getting fucked anal and am into rough play and wrestling with hot bros. no fists. yet haha.

Your July 8, 2017 response was: Quote erpap: "I like the rough play too"
So cool

So contrary to the OP your "So Cool" thread post indicates you've been getting some kind of "play" within the last 15 years. This combined with your refusal to detail why this supposed relationship has gone bad has destroyed your credibilty IMO.

 

[erpap]

Re: the following July 6, 2017 post:



Your July 8, 2017 response was: Quote erpap: "I like the rough play too"
So cool

So contrary to the OP your "So Cool" thread post indicates you've been getting some kind of "play" within the last 15 years. This combined with your refusal to detail why this supposed relationship has gone bad has destroyed your credibilty IMO.

Wrong

 

[DavidAlmeria]

@erpap i hope your situation works out...I can only share my own experiences

 

[dreamer20]

erpap I hope I haven't killed your thread and ask your forgiveness too. I apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusions in post # 29. I realize putting oneself under scrutiny in such threads can be scary. How much you want to reveal is your prerogative and I respect that fact.

 

[Brodie888]

It seems your issues with your partner have been dominating your thoughts for some time. I think it would be healthy to consider couples therapy to have someone as a mediator.

We all have needs. Your current situation sounds like you meet each other's companionship needs but your sexual needs aren't being met at all.

It seems you are both satisfying your emotional sexual needs outside of your relationship. But you worry he his also satisfying his physical sexual needs outside your relationship or you fear losing the companionship that he provides if he finds someone else.

We all have needs that have to be met to be happy and whole. Being in a sexually monogamous relationship requires both sides to make compromises (be it having to do more or do less) to meet all of the other person's needs. Otherwise those needs will need to be met from an outside source and the compromise is being ok with letting that happen.

It just seems over time you've both drifted apart sexually to the point that you don't even speak the same language anymore.

Hopefully the therapy will address the gap between your and your partner's physical sexual relationship and find a way that you both can be equally happy.