"Honestly, we need some kind of Rotten Tomatoes for OnlyFans. A full-on catalog where people can drop reviews: are the videos high-quality or just endless boomerangs with filters? Is there actual variety or just the same three poses on different days? How often is content updated? Any actual excitement, or just overpriced boredom? Because let’s face it—these creators are basically turning into subscription-based products.
We rate games, movies, even vacuum cleaners, but we’re just supposed to blindly throw $10/month at some blurry softcore with the personality of a wet napkin?
I’m done paying for 50 copy-paste clips, over-smoothed selfies that look like AI generations gone wrong, and ‘trailers’ that promise the moon but deliver two minutes of awkward eye contact. Ever paid for a page and realized their Twitter had better content—for free? Or worse, got the classic ‘$25 for a 3-minute custom vid’ in your DMs like it’s a Black Friday deal?
Nah. We need the Yelp of thirst traps."
