My "bisexuality"- looking for others who feel this way

[Malikj]

Hey guys,

I have been exploring myself lately, and trying to better understand myself and my desires. As a means to better understand myself and my sexuality, I wanted to see if other guys have had this experience, and ask for feedback if you happen to feel the same.

I dont consider myself really bi-sexual, I dont really consider myself anything. My attraction to men is not in sex, it is in him being open with me. For context my dad is a wonderful man but was raised in an old english family so as a result he is very cold and closed off. I have never even seen him with his shirt off. As a result I find men, willing to be open with me very erotic-ish.

I dont want to have sex with men, but I am attracted to certain, non sexual situations. For example, I think its hot when a masculine man is open and comfortable enough with me that he will just change his clothes, or piss outside with me there in full view of him. As I am a bearded, truck driving, masculine presenting man, it has happened a few times. I would be excited if a man were to walk up and shower next to me at the gym and with our naked-ness exposed for each other to see, we talk about the game or our plans later. Non sexual, no boners or contact, but to me, very.. excitable maybe?

I dont find men physically attractive, for instance, I dont want to have sex with one, and I dont want him to touch me, I dont want to kiss him. I have tried a few times in experimentation over the years thanks to the rise of the internet, and at the end I am, unsatisfied. I watch shower vids, and amateur voyeur style porn more than anything. I also like to watch a man dominate and make a women cum. she isn't my main focus as she would be for most men though, she is more an accessory for his enjoyment, which is what I like to see.

So I dont know what that makes me. I dont really yearn for either gender fully, but I am intrigued and inthralled by the masculine, situationally. I dono, does anyone else feel that way? How does this effect your lifestyle and relationships?

Thanks! feel free to DM if this is too personal of a topic.

 

[Scouse_sean]

I wouldn’t worry yourself looking for labels. You enjoy what you enjoy or don’t. Not sure it matters to put a label on it. Just sounds like you’re on the sliding scale of sexuality like the rest of us. Just carry on enjoying what ever you enjoy.

 

[JopneJappa]

It's not that uncommon what you feel. You may not be bisexual but you are in appreciation of the masculine and masculinity, which is okay.

My suggestion would be not to think too much about it. Enjoy the situational attractions you have on men. Let anything come to you naturally. Don't force your brain to accept a label.

I identity as bi but I haven't found men attractive until last 5 years and was straight for a long time. My sexual history is also majorly with women. All of it came naturally to me and I took my time in exploring what I want. Even now, something may change and it may broaden or restrict my sexuality spectrum and I am perfectly okay with it, if I begin/stop to find certain people attractive in either sexual or non sexual way. Ultimately what you feel is important, don't take any stress on labels. As long as you are not hurting anyone, everything is okay.

 

[halcyondays]

My experience is not at all like yours but I agree with the advice given so far: let it unfold on its own and see where it takes you. Don't even try to label it.

 

[Malikj]

It's not that uncommon what you feel. You may not be bisexual but you are in appreciation of the masculine and masculinity, which is okay.

My suggestion would be not to think too much about it. Enjoy the situational attractions you have on men. Let anything come to you naturally. Don't force your brain to accept a label.

I identity as bi but I haven't found men attractive until last 5 years and was straight for a long time. My sexual history is also majorly with women. All of it came naturally to me and I took my time in exploring what I want. Even now, something may change and it may broaden or restrict my sexuality spectrum and I am perfectly okay with it, if I begin/stop to find certain people attractive in either sexual or non sexual way. Ultimately what you feel is important, don't take any stress on labels. As long as you are not hurting anyone, everything is okay.

This is good advice man, thank you. Do you find you sexually changes depending on what you have or are lacking in youre life? Or how masculine you feel for a time?

For instance, when I was big into MMA, I felt more masculine and had male influences in my life for routinely and I felt my attract to men went down and my attraction to women when up. I haven't heard of that talked about before. thanks

 

[Malikj]

My experience is not at all like yours but I agree with the advice given so far: let it unfold on its own and see where it takes you. Don't even try to label it.

thanks man! What was your experience?

 

[Malikj]

I wouldn’t worry yourself looking for labels. You enjoy what you enjoy or don’t. Not sure it matters to put a label on it. Just sounds like you’re on the sliding scale of sexuality like the rest of us. Just carry on enjoying what ever you enjoy.

Thanks man! Do you date both men and women romantically as well?

 

[JopneJappa]

This is good advice man, thank you. Do you find you sexually changes depending on what you have or are lacking in youre life? Or how masculine you feel for a time?

For instance, when I was big into MMA, I felt more masculine and had male influences in my life for routinely and I felt my attract to men went down and my attraction to women when up. I haven't heard of that talked about before. thanks

It could be for some people.

 

[halcyondays]

thanks man! What was your experience?

Not much to say really...

To start my father was not cold and closed off. Like yours he was a wonderful man--one of the best humans I've ever met. I grew up straight. I started finding myself attracted to a few guys when I was in high school. Still I was (and am) attracted to many more women than men.

I started hooking up with guys at 22 and enjoyed it as much as I did with women.

 

[1373263]

My experience is that trying to work out whether you are attracted to the same sex, or in fact analysing or justifying your feelings to yourself is not helpful in the long term; it's important to realise that attraction is often subconscious and well developed by the time one gets to the point of accepting or rejecting what is well developed. What was most helpful to me was to put myself in the place where I could honestly and safely find out what I did like, and to have the humility to realise that could change in time and be ok with it; try something with a guy in a safe way and see where it leads you.
I've been ok with being attracted to men and women for about 7 years now and this came about because I acted on something that had been in the back of my mind for a long time, but within the last 5 months have become seriously interested in a guy, in a very sexual vers. relationship.
It's a situation that I couldn't have predicted 12 months ago and neither could any of my friends, but it seems to work for me right now; I've never been so horny and never been so full of cock. I met up with one of my female fuckbuddies last week and I still find her hot enough to harden me up on sight, but right now we both understand that this is something that I'd like to pursue before I settle down and father her a tribe of children (her words, not arguing with them either- we are really compatible).

 

[Scouse_sean]

Thanks man! Do you date both men and women romantically as well?

Dating wise just women really

 

[Malikj]

Not much to say really...

To start my father was not cold and closed off. Like yours he was a wonderful man--one of the best humans I've ever met. I grew up straight. I started finding myself attracted to a few guys when I was in high school. Still I was (and am) attracted to many more women than men.

I started hooking up with guys at 22 and enjoyed it as much as I did with women.

nice man!

 

[Malikj]

My experience is that trying to work out whether you are attracted to the same sex, or in fact analysing or justifying your feelings to yourself is not helpful in the long term; it's important to realise that attraction is often subconscious and well developed by the time one gets to the point of accepting or rejecting what is well developed. What was most helpful to me was to put myself in the place where I could honestly and safely find out what I did like, and to have the humility to realise that could change in time and be ok with it; try something with a guy in a safe way and see where it leads you.
I've been ok with being attracted to men and women for about 7 years now and this came about because I acted on something that had been in the back of my mind for a long time, but within the last 5 months have become seriously interested in a guy, in a very sexual vers. relationship.
It's a situation that I couldn't have predicted 12 months ago and neither could any of my friends, but it seems to work for me right now; I've never been so horny and never been so full of cock. I met up with one of my female fuckbuddies last week and I still find her hot enough to harden me up on sight, but right now we both understand that this is something that I'd like to pursue before I settle down and father her a tribe of children (her words, not arguing with them either- we are really compatible).

Thanks man! I think over analyzing helps no-one, youre right.

 

[Malikj]

thanks man!

My experience is not at all like yours but I agree with the advice given so far: let it unfold on its own and see where it takes you. Don't even try to label it. s

 

[Tyrannis]

This is good advice man, thank you. Do you find you sexually changes depending on what you have or are lacking in youre life? Or how masculine you feel for a time?

For instance, when I was big into MMA, I felt more masculine and had male influences in my life for routinely and I felt my attract to men went down and my attraction to women when up. I haven't heard of that talked about before. thanks

Man, my interest in men and women, hell even my interest in topping/domming or bottoming/subbing, changes by the day.
Sometimes I wake up and I want a big buff dude to destroy me, other times I'll wake up wanting to bang several women at once.
I'm still predominantly interested in other men but I can see myself going with anything depending on the circumstances and person in question. My sexuality is like the sea, so I just go with wherever it happens to be flowing at the time.
For you it sounds like you might be a fan of group activities; y'know, a situation where you can be exposed to and appreciate the masculine form while experiencing the more physical aspects with women. If that makes sense.

 

[Malikj]

Man, my interest in men and women, hell even my interest in topping/domming or bottoming/subbing, changes by the day.
Sometimes I wake up and I want a big buff dude to destroy me, other times I'll wake up wanting to bang several women at once.
I'm still predominantly interested in other men but I can see myself going with anything depending on the circumstances and person in question. My sexuality is like the sea, so I just go with wherever it happens to be flowing at the time.
For you it sounds like you might be a fan of group activities; y'know, a situation where you can be exposed to and appreciate the masculine form while experiencing the more physical aspects with women. If that makes sense.

Thanks so much for your reply, thats how I feel too. I was hoping it would level out in time, but from the sounds of it, thats not the case ha. Are you able to have long-lasting relationships?

 

[Tyrannis]

Thanks so much for your reply, thats how I feel too. I was hoping it would level out in time, but from the sounds of it, thats not the case ha. Are you able to have long-lasting relationships?

Yeah pretty much. Because while my interest at the time may vary, I'm still interested. So even though I might be feeling on the dommy side for some women or twinks, if a hot top started flirting with me I would not send him away haha. Plus, if you're fine with polyamory, then that means that you can have fun with a partner with others oustide of the relationship too. A threesome with a hypothetical boyfriend and a girl for example. Personally, being with someone who'd happily join me for some fun with other people would be ideal.
As for leveling out, honestly, the only thing I've found that really makes it "calm" is to just go with it. Don't overcomplicate it and just accept it for what it is. When I stopped trying to control it, that's when it became much more stable all round, and even expanded. A lot of the emotional struggle comes from the aforementioned overcomplication and existential questioning, for lack of a better phrase, about our identity. But the way that helped me come to terms with it is to see it as another part of personal growth. It doesn't invalidate who I was before, just made me more of me. If this answers your question

 

[Malikj]

Yeah pretty much. Because while my interest at the time may vary, I'm still interested. So even though I might be feeling on the dommy side for some women or twinks, if a hot top started flirting with me I would not send him away haha. Plus, if you're fine with polyamory, then that means that you can have fun with a partner with others oustide of the relationship too. A threesome with a hypothetical boyfriend and a girl for example. Personally, being with someone who'd happily join me for some fun with other people would be ideal.
As for leveling out, honestly, the only thing I've found that really makes it "calm" is to just go with it. Don't overcomplicate it and just accept it for what it is. When I stopped trying to control it, that's when it became much more stable all round, and even expanded. A lot of the emotional struggle comes from the aforementioned overcomplication and existential questioning, for lack of a better phrase, about our identity. But the way that helped me come to terms with it is to see it as another part of personal growth. It doesn't invalidate who I was before, just made me more of me. If this answers your question

haha dude this explains me so well. I have tried relationships with both and always get unsatisfied and to be honest, grossed out depending on my mood or where my brain is at and its exhausting. I also have alot of shame that comes with the switch, one side hates the other, so if I were to be in a relationship with a man and women, I would be embarrassed if the women saw me wit the man and vice versa. I dono. but your the first guy that has ever felt similar the ive ever heard of haha

 

[DKDinsmoor]

I've been sexually involved with many men and a few women. But my feelings for each was very different: romance and intimacy with men; lust with women.

 

[bd_love]

I've been sexually involved with many men and a few women. But my feelings for each was very different: romance and intimacy with men; lust with women.

exactly how i feel. women im only sexually attracted to but men i want romantic relationships as well. very strange dealing with that cause sometimes i think its just easier to say gay even tho i know thats not really my truth.