My epiphany ...

[PatriotSam]

Some of you have been rather diligent at reading and responding to my posts ... most of which have been me trying to figure out how to find myself a wife and my problems with obtaining women in the past.

Well as odd as it may sound i actually started looking into "dating guru" type people to see if any of their information could help my situation.

Boy did it ever!

I've been watching DVD seminars with this fellow by the name of David DeAngelo and while i was EXTRAORDINARILY skeptical and even angered by his advertising ... I'm finding his information very easy to digest and much less abrasive than his advertising made it look. (Honestly i think his advertising is formulated to make you so angry that you just have to buy into his seminars and see what he's about.)

Originally i didn't want to listen to his advice because i thought that it would somehow give me advice that would cause me to act in a way that was not consistent with my values ... by somehow manipulating a situation with a woman to get her to feel attracted to me ... and i felt that sort of attention would be false and only lead to poor relationships.

But what i came to realize is that the information given in these seminars only covers the laws of attraction and how to take what i already have and extend that to give me more opportunity with more women ... what i do with that opportunity is up to me. In no way have i found this information to go against my morals or my standards (which are very high).

My influence in terms of sex and women comes from my mother. Always teaching me to be kind, polite and respectful of women ... so that's what I've always done. My beliefs on sex also came from my mother along with the public education system and the roman catholic church (which was phased out of my life as of 1998). All of these influences taught abstinence and STDs without ever qualifying sex as a healthy and normal act. (Though i always subconsciously knew that sex was totally natural ... i just had so many things in my face telling me to stay away from it.)

Love and a relationship where things that you apparently stumbled upon and they "just happened" passively. No one ever told you HOW or the rules for attracting women ... and it seems like every effort was made to lead me away from the truth.

So for the first 28 years of my life i was overly polite and respectful toward women as if they (as a whole) where to be cherished and put on a pedestal. If i liked a girl i would be shy and buy her flowers, constantly showering her with affection and respect ... and how many girls did that get me? A whopping 0!

And despite what i may think of my relationship experience ... I've actually had quite a lot of it ... i just didn't realize it until now. from high school up until the present day (by simply being who i am) i was and remain a very desirable guy in the eyes of women ... my problem was that i never really noticed their attention and if i did my response was to overwhelm them with feelings, gifts and affection ... all the while pushing them further and further with meek and obsessive behaviors.

Funny thing was ... i actually attracted those women by ignoring them and being oblivious to their advances at first ... it was only when i noticed and became a complete sap did they start to withdraw.

In these DVDs they talk about developing your "inner game" ... a rather lame way of saying building your self confidence and getting your life in order.

Fortunately for me my confidence is already extraordinarily high, my life is in near perfect order, I'm happy and optimistic in just about every way. Short of having a great romantic relationship (and sex life) with a women.

They also talk about "male archetypes" and the "bad boy" attractiveness ... how people who are risk takers are subconsciously and undeniably attract more women.

When i look at my own life I'm a pyrotechnician (exciting), an entrepreneur (independent), a business man (successful) and an artist (romantic).

When you add all that up along with my social and cool nature ... I'm a hell of an attractive guy. Not to mention my physical attractiveness which is a bit above average (if i do say so myself!)

Everything is starting to become so clear now it's amazing me ... I'm starting to remember all the instances where women gave me attention and WHY they did! And every single time i sabotaged it with my own weak and submissive behaviors toward women. I CAN LITERALLY REMEMBER THE ATTRACTION IN THEIR EYES FADING AWAY! I'm recalling every instance where a girl backed away as i poured over her.

The funny thing is that in these DVD seminars they talk about psyching yourself up and standing tall to project an image of power ...

But i don't have to project an "image" of power because i am innately powerful on my own! I actually am very confident and I'm in control of my own destiny.

I should follow my dreams and when i see a girl i just take action toward her ... the next time a good looking girl is digging on me in a bar I'm just going to drag her aside and start making out with her and see what happens.

The worst case scenario is that she slaps me and tells me to get lost ... but so what! There's like another dozen hot girls in the bar i could go after! It's all about numbers ... and if I'm going to be selective and HAVE a selection ... i need to talk to, qualify or disqualify many, many women before i find some that are up to my standards! And when i find those exceptional women i need to know that I'll have the confidence to keep that attraction going long enough to build great relationships with them.

I'm also realizing that i need to de-emphasize sex and pull that off the pedestal. I need to make sex a normal thing in my own mind ... though thats not to say I'm going to start sleeping around with every girl that gives me the chance ... that privilege is still reserved for the elite few that i choose.

I'll still keep my morals and my standards ... I'll still treat women with respect ... but only if they earn my respect. I'll still be who i am and i still want to settle down with a single woman and have kids. I'll still be a kind and loving father and a great husband ... because that's what my mom taught me.

I'll still shower my wife with complements gifts and affection when it's appropriate ... but not every girl i come across in my daily life.

In terms of dating and attraction ... it's a new day for me ... today is the day i opened my eyes and see things for what they really are.

Critics be damned!

 

[Penis Aficionado]

Do you have any idea how conceited you sound?

 

[goodwood]

Sam -
that's great that you were able, through this guys approach to things, have a new perspective on the whole attraction/dating/mate seeking thing. it sounds like there is a lot of good, albeit common sense information he espouses. i guess with your upbringing as you describe it was a bit more limited in your approach to dating so it's good that you are able to recognize things that didn't work for you and get out there and be the guy that gets the girl. that's great you had an epiphany. good luck with the wife finding and keep us posted.

 

[PatriotSam]

Do you have any idea how conceited you sound?

Yes I do.

But when was having a positive self image a bad thing?

I'm just verbalizing it, externalizing it and personifying it in a way that I've never done before.

Are attractive women any less conceited? And don't they say to fight fire with fire?

How many women out there looking for a meek and timid man?

How many women out there are looking for a man who is strong, decisive, knows what he wants and is not afraid to simply take it?

How far does meek and timid get you in the real world? My experience has been "not very far".

If you want something ... no one is going to just give it to you without you stepping up and taking it.

Personally i don't want a woman who is meek and timid ... I do want a strong woman with her own life, her own career and her own goals.

If I'm going to play that game i have to bring the right attitude or I'm going to continue to get shut down like i always have.

I'm not trying to force this on anyone else ... I'm simply saying that this is what I've realized and this is what I'm going to try until it either fails or leads to success.

I posted this just to see what the general response would be.

 

[PatriotSam]

Sam -
that's great that you were able, through this guys approach to things, have a new perspective on the whole attraction/dating/mate seeking thing. it sounds like there is a lot of good, albeit common sense information he espouses. i guess with your upbringing as you describe it was a bit more limited in your approach to dating so it's good that you are able to recognize things that didn't work for you and get out there and be the guy that gets the girl. that's great you had an epiphany. good luck with the wife finding and keep us posted.

It's such common sense it's hilarious! And what's even funnier is that i knew everything all along ... i mean I'm a guy ... it's natural.

But i was brainwashed by mom (not that i blame her ... she just gave me info from her perspective ... and ultimately it's all good info) and by society to ignore my basic instincts.

It's as simple as someone trying to pound nails in with a saw ... and then one day someone sees that, walks up to them, hands them a hammer and then suddenly everything works a lot better!

I have no intention of finding a wife immediately ... my plan was to be married around 32 so I've got a few more years. However i will certainly post back with some of the responses i get from women using this new perspective on things.

It's going to be entertaining to see how it all works out.

 

[hung]

Patriot Sam has shared his very being with everyone here. He has explained his journey thus far and why he traveled the route that he did.

I respect him for being honest and open in his post. He shared things that most, including myself, may find difficult to share.

As we all travel through life we are in a constant learning mode, even if we think we know it all.

In closing, Sam, I wish you well and I think that others here at this site will appreciate what you have stated. Some may embrace what you stated and also apply it to their own situations.

In this regard we can all learn from each other.

As with all support groups, learn from others and apply only fits your situation.

Sam!!!! Well Done. I wish you well as you continue on in your Journey In Life.

 

[goodwood]

originally posted by: patriotsam
I have no intention of finding a wife immediately

that's just fine. you've got a lot of catching up to do to
get out there and have fun enjoying your newfound self.

 

[cougarblue]

I would suggest reading David Deida, "The Way of the Superior Man".

Let me know what you think of it.

 

[B_New End]

But i was brainwashed by mom (not that i blame her ... she just gave me info from her perspective ... and ultimately it's all good info) and by society to ignore my basic instincts.

for the supposed patriarchal society we live in, lots of men do get placed upon them the resentment of men from their mothers. It always makes my stomach turn to hear men gush about how much better women are. I know some women enjoy ass kissing, but some find it to be ridiculous. Breaking your training is hard, but this site has had quite a few good advice articles I have read, that work.

It reminds me of a quiz question I read, "if you could give someone an elixir, to make them fall in love with you, would you use it?"

Lots of people said no, that would be manipulation, and it was only the elixir she loved.

I say, yes. Its not any different than her falling in love with your personality, your height, or anything else that would make a woman attracted to you. Long point short, Use what you got. Be shallow, be choosy, remember, they want your dick. 6.5 Billion people on the planet prove women love sex too.

....and for Gods sake, don't buy women gifts unless they deserve them!

However, posting on an internet forum, and real life execution, are two different ball games.

and you can avoid the slap by giving a flirtatious hug first, and seeing the reaction, each one after, get a little more bold with your hands. The level of resistance, (there will be some) will let you know.

 

[deleted356736]

I am glad you discovered this, and now you can put your knowledge into practice. It always has been and it seems it always will be that nice guys finish last.

 

[PatriotSam]

I've literally got about 20+ hours of seminars produced by this guy and I've just been watching them in the background while I'm working on other stuff. I have to say that the more i watch the more natural this all feels.

I already have the skills and attitude necessary to pull the whole "attracting women" concept off ... but the pieces of the puzzle where being applied to other (equally important) areas of my life ... not at all being applied to the task of attracting and associating with women.

Now that i watch these videos, it's like new wires are being added to my brain to take what is already natural to me and apply it to the issue of attracting women.

I would have to imagine that for me this process is a LOT easier than it will be for others who don't have my familiarity with the concepts ... but it's definitely stuff that can be learned, practiced and improved upon. And definitely stuff that i will enjoy continually learning, practicing and improving upon.

Today in one of the videos a guest speaker talked about how the process of "going out" is like "The Matrix" ... none of it is actually real. You go to a club or a bar and everyone there is putting on this idealistic persona with the intention of meeting and attracting the opposite sex (or the same sex). Girls get all dolled up and then put up this "attitude forcefield" ... guys get all cologned up and then spend all night attempting and usually failing to penetrate that force field.

But these videos tell you to see the situation for what it is ... a bunch of human beings with sex on their minds!

You have to play the role of "Neo" within the bar and club "Matrix" and see through the "rules" and when you do you're pretty much unstoppable (coincidentally we actually have a club here called "Matrix") ... and you'll be able to walk up to and attract any woman you want!

Another huge point a guest speaker came out with was something I've actually lived a lot of my life by ... and that is "You can get away with just about anything if you do it with enough authority."

I've been doing this since high school ... if you wanted to skip class and walk the halls freely without getting caught by a hall monitor ... just walk like you're trying to get somewhere! If you walk with authority the hall monitors never even noticed you ... on the other hand, if you where nervous and constantly looking over your shoulder, they would catch you a hundred yards away!

Same thing applies to the bar/club scene (and women in general) if you act like you know what you're doing with a woman (and then stand firm behind it) you can get away with just about anything! However, if you aren't 100% sure of yourself when you do whatever you do ... she's going to pick up on it in about a 10th of a second and you're going to get slapped. (Or worse!)

(Use what i say next with caution, i did this myself just the other day with great results ... but that doesn't mean that it's going to work every time. Judge the situation for yourself.)

Walk up to the hottest girl in the bar, say hello, ask her to turn around and then slap her ass! When she turns around with that "WHAT THE FUCK?" look on her face just stare her down with a sly smile and say "Deal with it!" ... have that absolute authority and continue to stare her down ... in most situations she'll be amused and go from pissed to laughing in about half a second! It's the stupidest thing but it worked for me and i got her phone number!

The bar and club scene (and the human "mating dance") truly is a fake and bizarre environment!

Anyway, if you're having a hard time attracting women ... whether your young or old, handsome or ugly, bald or hairy ... whatever ... the "double your dating" programs by David DeAngelo will help you.

That's not a sales pitch, plug or endorsement ... it's just what I've been experiencing and it's worth passing along.

 

[PatriotSam]

For the supposed patriarchal society we live in, lots of men do get placed upon them the resentment of men from their mothers.

I never had any resentment for men instilled in me form my mom and i love her very, very much (Don't you talk about my mama!) But she also was looking at things from a female perspective and was far more verbal with her advice.

Furthermore, as i listen to the information presented in this video, I'm connecting the dots to my fathers actions throughout life that he never verbalized to me. And that's not because he was trying to hide something from me ... i simply believe that he still does not identify how he treats my mother and life as anything out of the ordinary!

Fortunately, through genetics and a lifetime of exposure to my fathers behaviors, i have naturally grown up with those traits.

But like i said in a previous post, i simply haven't been connecting the dots from my innate skills to the task of attracting women.

These videos have helped me to make those connections.

 

[B_mylipswet]

I'm very proud of you! I admire your values and absolutely adore your morals and uncomprimising standards. It's also nice to know there are men out there who wouldn't sleep with just anyone because they can. I wish you good luck!