Need Advice please

[D_Dick_Mann]

i need advice , last night i was out drinking , with two friends , one of them being my best friend ,we were at my clost friends house plying cards and talking about our girlfriends, mine being my fiance,both my closest friends and i were really drunk,my other friend left home around 3 am, i was going to have my fiance pick me up since she was having girls out,around 4. my best friend and i , always joke around making gay comments at each other. so when i laid back in bed he laaid next to me. before falling asleep he said "lets fuck" .we both are straight , so i just laughted it off, but keeping the convo going. he said i wasnt man enough to do it , so me being drunk said "alright lets do this then" he pulled down his pants and said "do me first then ill do you ". i still though he was just playing around , untill he got lub , he was already hard, inmy mind i didint know what to do , i coundn't get hard myself , so he started touching me and jerking me off. but i still wasnt getting hard . i told him i wasnt getting hard . i closed my eyes and imagined my girl , opened my eyes and i noticed we were kissing . he said i woud get hard once he did me . its was ackward we both were in and out of though. i pushed him away and stopped the whole thing. i felt stupid and weird i kept toching his ass trying to get hard but i just coundnt , we both knocked out shortly after , no penaration no sucking , i woke up an hour later with my pants down and his too. i told i was leaving becouse my girfriend was waiting outside , i was much less drunk and he was too. we just pretented it didint happen . we both said we knocked out and that we dont remember much. i come back home with my girlfriend, and fell alsleep. i woke up this morning not knowing what to think. i texted him telling him about how bad my hangover was , he replied "i know bro" . but now i dont know what to do, think or say , shuld i just leave it at that pretend it never happened . i dont want to lose him as a friend or to have things change. we've been texting back n worth . im trying to keep the convo going , his just replying short text . but all of them ending with "bro". i feel dirty and guilty, about my fience .what should i do

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

You can pretend that nothing happened, but it doesn't change the fact that the dynamic of your relationship has fundamentally changed. & I suspect will take a very long time to approach normality.

He clearly has a thing for you. You clearly dont have a thing for him. Being drunk is not an excuse for him to try and bugger you under the premise that that will make you feel less uncomfortable than you already are, in order to do him back. Perhaps you could use it as an excuse for pulling your trousers down to pretend, but it sounds as though he's grossly violated your relationship.

When it comes to you touching his ass (hand or cock?) - it sounds as though you had no inclination to do so & that it was a mixture of alcohol, him being your best friend & a bizarre situation that led to it happening.

Clearly, you're weirded out & will behave oddly around him (for obvious reasons) & around your fiancée (because of guilt).

If you feel no inclination to male-male sexual relationships, had no intention to do anything & didn't attempt to stick your dick in your friend's ass, I think you can put your part down to alcohol & the situation, & have little reason to feel guilty. Your relationship with your friend has changed. It may be possible to talk to him about it & figure out what on earth went through his head. But if he has feelings for you in that way, he could jeopardise your relationship with your fiancée & I think you should be very, very careful.

 

[D_Dick_Mann]

me and him have been friends for years now , since freshmans in high school. we were both known in high school as being the jocks and haaving every girl we wanted. i hate to have this mess it up , i wanna look past it , and forget it , but at the same time , hat was my first gay experience , what i really dont want to hapen again, and i was touching him with my hands , i guess trying to get arosal but nothing, he is known for being a pig , and fucking everyone and everything. but i never though he would be into guys. for that case me. we have mutual friends and i trust him alot , i really just wanna tell him and get thi over with .let him know that it did happen and that it shouldn't be brough up again.

 

[D_Upsy_Daisy]

Just talk to him about it like two adults. It's not a huge deal...but you both will feel better by just talking about it. Accept that it happened and move on. Water under the bridge.

You have a good laugh about it in no time. Above all, don't dwell on it. Clearly you guys have a pretty close relationship. Don't let it be hurt by this little incident.

 

[onewatcher]

You could say to him, or text him if your more comfortable with that, something like " Bro, I never want to get that drunk again, or do anything that crazy again. You're my best friend, and I never want anything to change that "

 

[onenuttertoo]

Get together, laugh it off, "guess we tried that and didn't like it", etc. no sense in hurting a friendship because you experimented. I think it's big of both of you to be open enough to even consider it. Now if he has feelings for you, you'll have to let him know it's cool, but you don't feel that way.

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

Call me a cynic. He doesn't sound drunk enough for it not to have been fully intended.

Even if you talk about it & decide to put it down to experience, just be a little more circumspect in future.

 

[D_Dick_Mann]

i think thats what im going to do , we were suppost to go party tonight again, but since i have work in the morning i passed on the offer. i texted him telling him to not mention anything to anyone about what had happen last night. and too keep between us too, he replied by saying , "keep what" .i replied by saying "nothing bro we were just really drunk last night , haha" ..... so im asuming it never happened. but i still want to talk to him about it , i asked him to meet me up tomorrow at the gym.i know he isnt gay , and you know that saying "try it , if you dont like it , it isn't for you" i guess its not for me.

 

[D_Upsy_Daisy]

i think thats what im going to do , we were suppost to go party tonight again, but since i have work in the morning i passed on the offer. i texted him telling him to not mention anything to anyone about what had happen last night. and too keep between us too, he replied by saying , "keep what" .i replied by saying "nothing bro we were just really drunk last night , haha" ..... so im asuming it never happened. but i still want to talk to him about it , i asked him to meet me up tomorrow at the gym.i know he isnt gay , and you know that saying "try it , if you dont like it , it isn't for you" i guess its not for me.

Let us know how it goes. This whole incident reminds me of one of my favorite sayings:

"In wine comes truth"

 

[D_Dick_Mann]

sure thing man
,and thanks fellas ,this really helped ease my mind

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

i know he isnt gay , and you know that saying "try it , if you dont like it , it isn't for you" i guess its not for me.

I think it was Oscar Wilde who said, "Try everything once, except incest & buggery."

And Brief Lover has a point with, "In wine comes truth."

I suppose the other saying that's useful here is, "Many a true word said in jest."

Good luck.

 

[hrdhatdad]

Relax. Nothing really happened (christ! you couldn't even get hard). You'll have a good laugh about one day.

 

[erratic]

There's a lot of good talk about your relationship with your friend, but I think you need to ask yourself about your relationship with your fiancee. Drunk or not, you kissed another person and tried to get hard while he was jerking you off. I'm guessing your fiancee wouldn't approve. There are plenty of relationships where fooling around with other partners is explicitly okay, and if that's the case for your relationship with her, then disregard the rest of what I have to say, tell her what happened, and laugh it off. But I'm guessing your relationship isn't like that, so:

Ask yourself what you would want to happen if she got drunk, made out with some guy, and let him finger her. Would you want her to tell you? How would you react? How does the idea of her doing that and never telling you sit with you?

Would you marry her?

I hope you don't feel dirty or guilty about messing around with a guy, cause there's nothing dirty or guilty about it - but if that feeling comes from doing what you did while engaged to marry another person? Yeah, I get that. That's your brain telling you that you did something way out of character - something that you think you're better than. Because you are better than that. Alcohol may be your reason for doing it, but it's no excuse. If you get drunk and shoot someone, the cops don't just laugh it off; and if you get drunk and knock someone up, that baby's your responsibility. What happened happened. It's your responsibility to deal with it, isn't it?

If I were in your situation, I would tell her. She deserves to know what happened. She deserves to know what you intend to do about your relationship with your best friend (I agree with Zyz's advice about him). She deserves to decide what she wants to do. She deserves to decide with you what this means for the future of your relationship. She deserves to hear it from you before she hears it through gossip - and for god's sake, before you get married.

Maybe she'll laugh it off, like hrdhatdad suggests. Drunken escapades, no harm no foul. Maybe she'll freak out about it. But she deserves to know, doesn't she? She deserves to choose how to react.

I'm sorry this happened to you, man.

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

I was wondering what erratic would have to say about this. He's very good with rational advice on the relationship front... Think he's nailed it again.

 

[sexplease]

You two shared a alcohol (drug) induced moment. There are three types of unguarded interaction times that one should keep in mind: drugs (alcohol) ire and slumber. When people are in the throws of any of those, sometimes they will do and or say things they wouldn't had they been alert or guarded.
Allow it to be what you need it to be as friends. a moment of close friendship trust and sharing. Keep it as a private and discrete part of your friendship (the imaginary personality -our, we, us).
If it bothers you to a point of interfering with your daily life, You may need to learn a coping mechanism to deal with what lies deep in Your psyche. If so, find a counselor for some one-on-one time.

 

[D_Bubba_Butter]

I was wondering what erratic would have to say about this. He's very good with rational advice on the relationship front... Think he's nailed it again.

Unfortunately, sexplease is not. And has not. It's more like whacking your own thumb instead.

Which, of course, is only my opinion...

 

[D_Sal_Manilla]

have fun getting drunk again.

but you can;t pretend like it didn't happen. Tell him how you feel about it. it was a mistake and that you guys should put it behind you.

and maybe ease up on the liquor next time your with him.

hope things work out for you.

 

[rayray]

I can't help notice that you just joined this site and this was your first thread..What you did not mention besides the obvious that you are young. Are you 21 or are 30.How long have had a Fiance ? How long in years has he been your best bud..Besides being drunk you seem to know all the details of what did or did'nt happen.I am gay and had 100% heterosexual good friends who lowered their inhibitions enough to let me give them a BJ.If the expierience was not for you forget it and move on.Does it bother you the most because your engaged to be married or some other reason ?I would not tell her in my opinion, that's a new can of worms that do not need to be opened. Talk to you buddy but note through texting. I think you two can sort this one out.Good luck and let us all know..

 

[helgaleena]

You are not turned on by men as much as this friend, if at all. To stay friends with you he will have to get it through his head that you are a lot more straight than he is, and that you don't want to go there.

The advice to stay more sober around him and keep things friendly is the best. He's ready to pretend nothing happened, which means he may still be in the closet. It would be friendly to pretend along with him and let him stay in the closet. After all, he's the one who might need to hide something, in our present intolerant society.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

If I were in your situation, I would tell her. She deserves to know what happened.

This is, hands down, the stupidest advice I have ever heard.

You got drunk, had a close friend make an awkward and experimental pass at you, didn't like it, didn't consummate it...
Chalk it up to a final test before committing to another person...

But absolutely, positively DO NOT transfer this burden on your conscience to your fiance.

It is not HER job to shoulder your indiscretion. And frankly, this idiotic advice from erratic is nothing more than a self centered attempt at absolving your own guilt by putting your fiance in the position of having to deal with it, and either forgive you, or the both of you find out the hard way, perhaps after 5 or 10 years of marriage that it is something that she can never quite get over.


So- don't tell her, carry your own damn water... this is not a ghost you need to place between you and your intended... unless you deeply want to use this event to try and escape the commitment to marry.


Just think it over... put this silly and spectacular failure at bisexual intrigue in its proper place in your past, alongside every other stupid and ill considered thing you have ever done, and that are Also NOT your fiance's responsibility to forgive or understand.

And move on.

Or... if you find yourself obsessed with it, perhaps re-evaluate your own feeling for this friend and whether this experience changes your view on what you want in relationship...

But either way... Do NOT task those you love with the chore of salving your conscience.
In doing so you take terrible risk... and you make the other person have to suffer for what you have done.

And if they can't forgive you, then you are only setting them up to be to blame for saying they would forgive and finding they are unable to truly be unaffected by your actions.

If it was nothing but a drunken question asked and answered... then let it go.