Need some advice guys

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by neworlnssteel, Jan 12, 2005.

  1. neworlnssteel

    neworlnssteel New Member

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    Hey group I need some advice on a sensitive topic.
    To give the short version of it I have always considered myself straight and have had plenty of irlfriends. Inside I have always had an attraction to other guys and have come to the conclusion that I am bisexual but am not out to anyone.
    Well a bout 6 mos ago I met a guy who I got to knwo very well and became atttracted to him almost immediately I didnt know if he was gay or not but had my suspicions. We shared so much of our own experiences and such that I knew that if ever there was someone I was meant to be with I thought it was him. One night when we were alone in my apt he asked me for a massage, so I gave him a full body massage. In turn he also gave me one. When he was giving me mine I started to instinctively rub his legs. Within seconds he turned me over and started kissing me passionately . That night we were intimate together but there was no sex.
    We satrted to become even closer then sharing beds and soon began to express how much we loved each other. He said he would marry me if we could. I have never been in love beefore and I was totally wrapped up in him. I decided that I would make a big move and move in with him. Things were fine in the begining until a girl he used to like suddenly beacme available. I noticced he started pushing me away and never said I love you as much. He also started being abusive verbally calling me a fag and homo even though he said he was always palying. I started blaming myself because I htought I had done something wrong.
    Well last week I could tell something was wrong and we had a serious talk. He explained that he wanted to get with this girl because he felt that he was missing an opportunity with her. He really wanted kids and thats what he kept repeating (he wanted kids). We had been having sex the last couple months and he said he felt that might have been wrong. (even though he initiated it and seemed to enjoy it a lot In the end we decided to be just friends.
    The problem is we still live together and he wants me to move with him again to a new city. He has again started kissing me and sleeping with me again sexually but no intercourse. He is now as passionate with me as he was when we first met. I am so confudsed because he wanted out yet he is still here acting like things never changed. He also still denies that he is not totally straight. Many people would think he is gay from the things he likes and does. He loves decorating,shows like queer eye and Manhunt and other stuff stereotypically gay. He also still comments on other guys bodies and even yesterday when a guy was undressing on tv he stopped and rewound it to watch it over in slow mo.
    I feel he is just denying who he is and is afraid of coming out as he has told me over and over again. He says he wants children really bad and I think that is the ONLY reason he wants to get with this other girl and to please his family cause they expect him to marry this girl.
     
  2. Imported

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    NelsonMuntz84: I think you owe it to yourself to be with someone, be it male or female, who knows where they are and give all of themselves in the same manner you are willing to.

    I think he sounds really confused, and if you where to let this go on, you will be the person really hurt in this relationship.

    I certainly think the idea of moving to a new city with him, when he seems utterly confused would do nothing for you. I hate to say it because you obviously care for him, but your own good, try make the break and get on with your own life, because it seems to be you who has an idea of who you are and what you want..not him.
     
  3. hungmormon

    hungmormon New Member

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    just follow your heart but be smart about your desicions
     
  4. Imported

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    spoolworm: I feel for you man. Your freind has a serious case of denial.

    He may not be 100% homosexual, but he should at least aknowledge that he's bisexual. I mean if he's having sex with you, living with you, intimate with you. He's obviousley not comfortable with it though, which is very sad.

    I have a male friend who I suspect has sexual feelings for me, so I can really relate to this. But this guy also doesn't fully realize how gay he sometimes acts. He has a girlfriend, they've been together for a long time. I personally have decided not to get involved with him.

    Your freind has to realize that he can't be dating this girl, and being intimate with you at the same time. At least he has to tell the girl about you, so that you can talk it out.

    I could tell you to not follow him, or not follow him. But I won't. You have to follow your heart, and think this over very carefully. Because otherwise you'll be filled with regret if things go bad, whichever decision you may have made.

    Strength to you.
     
  5. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Good advice - but sometimes our hearts lead us in directions that we might not should go...Be careful - It seems like you are putting yourself out there more than your friend...
     
  6. Imported

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    spoolworm: YOu have to think it over carefully. I fear that you will get hurt either way. Love sucks sometimes doesn't it?
     
  7. Bluespeedoz

    Bluespeedoz New Member

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    Hi

    I think you need to seriuosly take stock of your situation and make some decisions. It seems to me that this guy wants to have his cake and eat it ie he wants everything on his terms without consideration of you, your needs and feelings. I think he is using you for sex and deluding himself about his own sexuality. If you can handle this relationship on such a fragile basis that's fine, go ahead and enjoy yourself and him. But if you cannot handle this relationship on his terms get out of it and find a guy you can love on mutual loving terms. But whatever you decide be happy. :)
     
  8. Freddie53

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    This guy is definitely bi and heavily leaning towards gay. I suspect he is at least 70 % gay. He really has a problem. His family expect him to find a wife. He really wants kids. He wants a family. Nothing wrong with that excpet you can't produce babies. If you could, he would marry you in a heart beat.

    He may need time. I wouldn't pull the plug on this relationship yet. But I would insist that you two have a serious talk. If you can find a counselor or minister who is sympathetic to gay relationships, you need to schedule appointments separately and together. For ministers, try mainline churches: Episcopol, Presbyterian, United Church of Christ and United Methodist. (Not Church of Christ. They are definitely antigay) I don't know how to determnie which counselors would be best to visit.

    Both trained and qualified ministers and counselors must maintain confidentiality.
    Not all minsiters and counselors are trained and qualifed. Check this out first.

    Good luck.
     
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