not so small a problem

Discussion in 'The Healthy Penis' started by kaladioz, Apr 12, 2009.

  1. kaladioz

    kaladioz New Member

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    the details.

    i had been celibate for over a year until i recently started seeing a girl. i am having problems keeping an erection. thinking about trying a cock ring, but also think it's more important to find out if i can get back to my old fully erect self. condoms put me off a bit, i haven't really used them much. i feel like they help choke the blood out of my dick sometimes and reduce sensation. i didnt think i needed larger condoms until she bought some. we havent used one yet, but i did try it on out of curiosity. much more comfortable, but i don't know if it's going to solve the problem.

    any advice? tips?
     
  2. karldergrosse

    Gold Member

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    Don't want to offend, Kaladioz, but two things strike me here: You give No Response for sexual orientation, and say somewhat ambiguously that you "recently started seeing a girl." Is the emphasis there on girl, or are we to take for granted that it would be a girl...? In other words, could you be a tad gayer than you think, or want to admit to yourself...? It is not impossible, esp. if you are young and have bought into society's give-me-heterosexuality-or-give-me-death message --No, I do not think that every man is secretly gay, or even bi--but I'm just suggesting something for you to examine in yourself. If the answer is definitely that you are sexually taken with this girl, then perhaps your mind is subconsciously telling you that it has become accustomed to the year-long celibacy, and is having a hard (no pun) time giving it up...? Stranger psychological things have indeed happened. And/or perhaps the newness of this new-found opportunity is inhibiting you a bit--i.e., possibly you need to become more closely acquainted nonsexually to begin with. Again, stranger psychological things have happened...even to men, who are according to the popular myth supposed to be ready to fuck anything that moves within seconds of spotting it. ~ You "haven't used [condoms] much"--with masturbation, or in earlier sexual (male or female?) encounters??? True, they can reduce sensation, but there are thinner ones out there that can help, if you trust them. Sounds as if your gf is quite sensible wanting you to try larger ones that don't squeeze so tightly--but be sure they are not so large that they slip off during intercourse. And finally, once you find a condom that's as comfortable and sensitive as possible, try putting a good measure of lube on your glans and inside the tip of the condom--again, taking care that that doesn't cause slippage. Hope you get your problems solved soon...!
     
    #2 karldergrosse, Apr 12, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2009
  3. kaladioz

    kaladioz New Member

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    haha.

    you're asking me is if i might be gayer than i think, i'd say i don't know. I haven't found a guy that attracts me enough to make a move, though in the past i have had shared fantasies about getting with a guy, emphasis on size. when i say "shared" i'm saying they were shared with my girlfriends at the time, and we'd eventually have sex during or after talking about it. i have considerd it, but i really haven't met a guy i'm attracted to sexually like i am to women.

    this girl is smart, attractive, and i get really turned on. although i will admit that she could be more aggressive, i don't remember it being a problem with my last girlfriend before the celibacy, who was relatively passive. i'm aware i could tell her that i like it a bit more aggressive, but i have this feeling she won't know what to do. of course, no excuse.

    i just want to keep it up enough to have satisfying rough sex. i'm afraid that this problem is turning in on itself, and is starting to also be the cause. like, i go into it thinking about not being able to stay hard, causing the problem.
     
  4. vindicator

    vindicator Member

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    So, when you say you were celibate, you mean with other people? Or you don't even jerk off? If you do masterbate, how are you with that? Do you have the same problems keeping it hard?
     
  5. wagoneer7

    wagoneer7 Member

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    O.k., it's been a year and now you have a new partner. This can be a stressful thing. I am sure you are physically fine.

    Some of the factors can be performance anxiety and poorly fitting condoms.

    Keep getting the larger condoms and it doesn't hurt to practice with them.

    It is hard to do I know, but try not to think about it and focus on her. You could even get some OTC herbal supplements that can really help ease your mind for a few encounters.
     
  6. D_Pubert Stabbingpain

    D_Pubert Stabbingpain Account Disabled

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    That's all I had to read and thought "use it or lose it." I guess it depends if you define celebacy as total abstinence but still, come on guys, why deny your normal, natural nature? that's just dumb.
     
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