Omega's Alpha (Preface)

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SimplyHung: I'm looking to get some opinions on this, and I've noticed folks here to be rather intelligible and genuine. It's the Preface to my 3rd book (though I've only finished one) and the 2nd book in The Balance Trilogy.

Preface​

History was written as it is to protect you. Though it's become more of an unnecessary sheltering. The time has come to awaken from the dream. What is to come may frighten you, but it cannot compare to the horror of its roots. Shocking events tend to be much more so when they conflict with what you thought to be your truthful knowledge. This is not to say that what you have learned of your history is wrong. Rather, it's horribly incomplete. Be warned now, the truth will give you an entirely different perspective on life as we know it.
Since the birth of your Biblical savior, your world has been cursed. By that, I do not refer merely to your planet Earth, but rather to the entire mortal plane as you know it and as you do not. Your planet just happens to be one of the particularly targeted ones, among six.
You may inquire as to how I know such things. Let us just leave it that I have first-hand witness's recollection of these events. I have observed these events since the beginning, often from afar, but always longing to be able to do more. Though notably powerful, I was unable to prevent the spread of the curse alone. Outnumbering left me outclassed. Others stepped forth to offer assistance, a few by my request, but it was too late for me. I was sealed away, but not before leaving many a legacy.
The final result of this curse is soon to come. Those who stepped forth to face it have done so for over two millennia, throughout the course of now six Spirit Cycles. They have bested those harbingers of plague and madness, awaiting the mastermind of this plot to show itself. Soon, all the necessary pieces will come into place, and the stability of existence will be placed on a razor-thin line. As it falls together, all else falls apart. The outcome of an innumerable populous will be left in the hands of but a few, the rest either left to view from afar in madness and instability or entirely oblivious to it all.
Before this happens though, it is time you learned how this all came to be. This is the story of the dawn of your dusk, the rising of your downfall. This is your Omega's Alpha.

 

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awellhungboi: Well, that's very interesting, S.H.  You definitely have a way with words, and seem to have something to say, something that you've put a lot of thought and passion into.  Write on!

My critique would be, and take it for what it's worth, that this seems to be from a specific narrative voice, your protagonist, I assume.  It's a strong voice, and definitely seems to be a compelling character.  I'd advise you, though, to dramatise the scene--instead of just having it be a piece of exposition you could set up a situation in which the character explains these things, perhaps through dialogue (this reads like it's being spoken, so that would work) with someone the character meets, (an antagonist, maybe) or through the background that your characters move through.  Pure exposition doesn't capture people's attention as quickly as a scene with human interaction.  Action is the key.  And if you find a new and interesting way to write about sex, violence, and robots then you've got a best seller!

Anyway, you seem to be a multi-talented guy.  Keep us updated on your progress!

 

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aj2181: Very nice! I like that SimplyHung.

Well said Monstro.

 

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SimplyHung: "sex, violence, and robots"

Thanks for the critique, and I'll keep that in mind. Though with the character at hand in the Preface, it's supposed to come across as though she's actually telling a story of her past. But I'm always open to trying other approaches, and I'm sure this will change before all is said and done.

 

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awellhungboi: Cool.  I can definitely see what you're saying--going for the 1st person narrative voice.  Which is fine.  But I'd say you definitely want to get some action in there pretty quickly.  As a writer myself, though, I can tell that you know what you want to say, and seem to have a pretty good idea of how you want to say it.  Which, ultimately, is what good writing boils down to.

So is your character an angel or a demon or something supernatural?  Or just a human?  It kind of comes across that way.  Who are some of the writers and artists whose work you enjoy?


(p.s. thanks A.J.!)

 

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SimplyHung: The first chapter is going to start off with a attention-grabbing action sequence, most likely. Once I figure out how when and where I want to start it, that is. You don't find out until later on in the story, but the character in the Preface is a demon, one of the oldest in existence.