Open Relationships

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Relentless Original, Oct 19, 2008.

  1. D_Relentless Original

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    Just wondered what peoples views are on open relationships -


    Also, how would you feel if your partner asked you for this ?


    Would you agree ?


    Would you think it would work for both of you ?


    Would you end the relationship you have if you did not want that ?


    Is it a big deal ?
     
  2. polesmoker

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    What do you mean by open? There are several different sorts of flexible sexual arrangements that can be explored in a relationship. It is as big a deal as you make of it, but most people aren't equipped to try it. You have to really trust someone befor you let them fuck someone else.
     
  3. ManlyBanisters

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    I know they work for some people
    .

    Also, how would you feel if your partner asked you for this ?
    Well - theoretically speaking, that entirely depends on when and how he/she asked me. What the nature of our relationship was before the question arose. Practically speaking, if my current partner asked me I'd be hugely confused - but then I know he never would, so it is kind of a moot point.

    Would you agree ?
    It would depend very much on the partner. My current partner? I'd say no - I wouldn't share him. I couldn't bear to think of him giving the energy and passion he gives me to someone else.

    Would you think it would work for both of you ?
    No.

    Would you end the relationship you have if you did not want that ?
    Only if he insisted on it - and insisting on it after the other party has declined consent would be a deal breaker now, wouldn't it? So yes, I'd end the relationship.

    Is it a big deal ?
    It doesn't have to be. I've had relationships in the past where one other other of us were unable to, or unwilling to, commit and we have carried on as close friends who do everything together and sleep together and then occasionally sleep with other people. It's been OK but for me something always seemed to be missing. I've seen couples that stay together but have an arrangement whereby meaningless sex with others is OK - but I've also seen the meaningless sex turn meaningful and that has been a problem. And then there are couples that seem to handle it just fine - sharing sexual experiences, having brief affairs, one night stands, but never losing what is important to their commitment.

    I don't think it is for me - I don't think it is any better or worse than the monogamy I choose - each 'lifestyle' has its pluses and minuses, depending what one's needs and appetites, both emotional and physical,
    are.
     
  4. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I think open relations and polyamory are valid and work for some people.

    Depends on the relationship. In a long-term relationship, where I was certain there was a foundation of love, truth, and respect, I would not be offended.

    Depends on the relationship, but I lean towards yes.

    It could. In fact, it did with one--while he was deployed, he did his thing and so did I.

    If we couldn't agree, yes.
    I would not tell him what he could or could not do with his body, but, if I set limits for my participation that he feels unable to abide by, we should end it.

    No. If the love or sexual relationship ends, I'd keep the person in my life as a friend and find someone else more compatible with my lifestyle choices.
     
  5. B_Jennuine73

    B_Jennuine73 New Member

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    My husband and I have been married for 11yrs, together for 12. Our relationship has always been open.
     
  6. Riven650

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    Monogamous relationships don't always work, and open relationships don't always fail, but most people feel unsettled by the idea of allowing their partner to have sex with another. The most important thing, I feel, is to be absolutely honest about why you want to have an open relationship. I mean, what is your, or your partner's, agenda?

    On a personal note: I've been there and done that, and I'm not hurrying to repeat the experience. But I wouldn't write the idea off. It's entirely dependent upon agreement between partners.
     
  7. polesmoker

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    A relationship is not always about absolute posession. Sex is just sex. A girl can only rub one out for so long and 15 plus months is way too long. When my husband finally does come home I will gladly take his dick anytime anywhere. Until then I am glad I have the option of using outside resources. FYI I have less extramarital sex than some people I know in "totally monogamous relationships". And I am not lying to my partner about it.
     
  8. Principessa

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    I'd kill him. :biggrin1: When someone asks that question, chances are they have already cheated or at the very least chosen the person they want the open relationship to be with.

    Hell F'g NO!

    It would not work for either one of us. That's one reason we are together.
    Of course I would end it. :rolleyes: :duh: I don't even like lending books to people; what makes you think I would share my man?

    Hell yes, it's a big deal! :12: What a stupid question. :irked:
     
  9. killerb

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    my thoughts:
     
  10. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
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    :wink:
     
  11. bstexas

    bstexas Member

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    Just wondered what peoples views are on open relationships -

    Also, how would you feel if your partner asked you for this ?
    My partner was in an open relationship when I met him. He was having a relationship with someone in the military, someone who was a thousand miles away most of the time. So they had an understanding. When my partner met me he wanted it to be just a one night stand. I didn't want anything to do with a one night stand so after a couple weeks of phone calls we ended up going to a business event one evening and started to see more of each other.

    Would you agree ?
    My partner has been out of the country for a few years due to various issues. When he knew this was coming up he had a discussion about it. Since he was in an open relationship before, would I be in one with him since he would be away. My first thought about them was NO WAY! LOL. I remember years ago I met people who had them and thought I would NEVER DO THAT. Well, due to an odd situation, I was about to consider it. My partner and I love each other and care about each other and we know lots of couples lie, have sex one the side, etc. We just thought it would make us stronger to just communicate and accept it. We are 2,250 miles from each other. We agreed that if we can live with the distance, the separation and still love/care for each other, then having a "don't ask, don't tell" relationship would be the least of our worries.

    Would you think it would work for both of you ?
    It has worked for us. He's been out of the country several years but we see each other several times a year. We communicate often ... every day. We talk on the phone, we chat online, we text and email. We are in similar industries and have similar likes, dislikes, goals, etc. At one point he got into a mini relationship when an acquaintance (read: sex partner) stalked him and my partner's head was so messed up (this was November 2006) that he stopped communication with the stalker and me. He needed to decompress. Of course he missed me and after not communicating for a month he contacted me again.

    Would you end the relationship you have if you did not want that ?
    Yes, I would end it. He almost ended it. We have discussed that situation many many times. But we know we have a strong relationship. Is it perfect? Hell know. Does it work for us? So far. We eventually hope to be together for good but until then we do what we need to get through the time and distance. Communication is our strongest ally.

    Is it a big deal ?
    It was a big deal in the beginning but now it's just our "normal" situation. I know of many couples who have worse/better relationships. So I do not compare ours. It is what it is and it's working for us.
     
    #11 bstexas, Oct 19, 2008
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2008
  12. Not_Punny

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    I'm in an open relationship.

    But we have very strict rules that bend and change with time. :wink:

    And because we can create, change and play with the rules, our sex life is pretty damn hot.
     
  13. Xcuze

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    I think open relationships are all doomed. They may work for a while but feelings are gonna get hurt at some point. If they dont then you can't care enough about each other in the first place. I never commit to a relationship unless Im 100% certain that I want him & him only. Thats what makes a relationship special. Lose that & you lose the essential point.

    I dont wanna smell someone else on my man either!
     
  14. bstexas

    bstexas Member

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    That is a valid point. Open relationships may be doomed but so TONS of NON OPEN relationships. My relationship (not always open until my partnered has been out of the country for several years) has had its up and downs. We celebrated our 6th anniversary last month and hope to celebrate a lot more. Like I mentioned in my first post, it's not something I ever thought I would do when I was younger. But due to circumstance beyond or control we're working through it. It's not for everyone, but it could work for others. Try to enjoy whatever kind you are in.
     
  15. Principessa

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    QFT! I am with you dude. :cool:
     
  16. rickygNOLA

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    i agree w/you my lady. it's been my experience that they do not nor will they ever work. it's beyond me.
     
  17. MuscledHorse

    MuscledHorse Well-Known Member

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    I'm cool with sexually open relationships. Sex is a primal urge that has little to do with love, and thanks to the inventionof the romance novel and subsequent movie form, everyone has been lead to believe that great sex equals a great relationship. I have been with piles of guys, even escorted in school, and the pleasure i get from those events has nothing to do with the people I car about and would be willing to lay down my life for. In fact, of the friends in the latter group, I've only had sex wih one of them. As long as both partners see the sex and the love for what the are the relationship should be solid.
     
  18. B_bi_mmf

    B_bi_mmf New Member

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    The kind of open relationship that works for me is sharing my wife's cunt with a hot male friend whom both she and I find attractive. His cockhead working its way into her cunt is so hot to watch. And then fucking her after he has cum in there... OUT OF THIS WORLD!

    And, yes, I do in fact wanna smell someone else on that friend. I wanna smell her juices on his cock.
     
  19. D_Edwin Eatser

    D_Edwin Eatser New Member

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    I'm highly sexed and cheated on my ex-wife a lot. I needed more than she could give but if I'd suggested an open relationship she'd have murdered me, so I had to conceal my extramarital experiences.

    Not long after I married my current wife I suggested we try swinging. She was interested but a bit dubious, but we gave it a go and visited a club. We liked it, and went once a month, always soft-swinging, for a year before we did a full swap with a couple. Now we swing about once a month, clubbing, parties or home visits, and while we prefer same-bed foursomes we're both perfectly happy for the other to go off to a separate room with another person or persons, or fuck our way around the room at orgy parties. We're both bi and my wife is perfectly happy for me to go to gay saunas every few weeks to feed that desire.

    It works very well for us, both our high sex drives are satisfied and we don't need to keep secrets (in fact we love sharing experiences) - anything goes as long as we tell eachother, and always have safe sex with others.
     
  20. hungcook

    hungcook New Member

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    well i will say this there was a guy that I was deployed with and him and his wife had an open relationship and I talked to him and learned all about what they did. the way it worked for them was there was a mutual single guy friend that was a trucker and so when he would be in the area when the hubby was deployed the wife and friend would hook up and take car of each other. as for me personally I would not be against it but it seems that the female half always takes it for more then it was in my past experience and then things jst sorta implode from there. IDK just see what life throws my way and what my wife in the future will want or be comfortable with
     
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