I had my gay awakening this week and I am losing my shit. I'm 21. My whole life I’ve been “straight” (dated 6 girls, fucked 4/6 of them) but I always knew I wasn’t 100% (felt attracted here and there). To make a long story short, I saw a meme about ass play on TikTok and couldn’t get the idea out of my head for a whole week. I tried hard to ignore the thoughts and felt ashamed for actually contemplating the idea. Kept telling myself “I’m not a bitch” and “I fuck, I don’t get fucked,” remorsefully some thoughts homophobic. But my sex life sucks, so eventually I swallowed my pride. Super fucking embarrassed and feeling less like a man, I lubed up my asshole as if I would a girl, laid face down with a pillow underneath my hips, and basically fucked myself with a household object. Life changed. All I can think about now is dick and getting fucked. I’m like a total bitch now. Interacting with dudes is now a challenge. Tried making small talk with a tall guy at the gym and noticed he had a big dick (his sweatpants). Big mistake. Got nervous, weak in the knees, my face got red. I was like a girl in heat, it was fucking embarrassing. If you think this post is fake or a joke it’s 1,000% not. My questions are, is this a fetish that will pass? And is Grindr safe? I am dying to get fucked but Grindr scares me. 1. I’ve never not been in control during sex. And 2. Sure, I fucked myself but a guy thrusting into me is a different story. How can I make sure he goes slow? How can I make sure he stops when I ask him to?
Put something up my ass and am boy crazy now.
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It does not sound like a phase but an opportunity for sexual self-discovery. The reaction to the guy at the gym is pretty normal imo. Being on the recieving end does not mean loss of control. Plenty of people can fully take control while being on the bottom. Grindr is a tricky beast to navigate when it comes to safety. A lot of people on there don't understand communication so trying to communicate that you wan't things to go slow might vary form person to person.
You said my reaction to the guy at the gym is normal but the thing is I’ve never experienced anything like that before. I felt…hungry, in an uncontrolled way? I don’t know how to put it. Grindr seems like a hellscape and despite what you said about people taking control when on bottom, you have to admit someone is inherently giving up control when getting fucked.
In some ways sure but if you were to ride on top like a girl might then you have the same level of control, at least physically. But besides that point it may be a case where subconsciously you are simply craving something you've never experienced. It may very well be possible that once you do, you did not enjoy it as much as you thought but at least it had given you closure on that. If you rally are sure you want to try this route, met somebody in person who you can at least semi trust, at least in some sense. Grindr is not exactly the forerunner in people telling the truth online.
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I agree with Jurvisco: if you’re worried about a loss of control, then your best bet is riding a dick. That way you can (mostly) control how fast you go, how deep, etc. And once you feel comfortabl, you can try other positions too.
The hard part is finding the guy to do the deed. I agree Grindr has its share of assholes, but if you’re just looking for a quick fuck, it does work. There’s also the personals section on here, as well as any number of other apps or websites. Not to mention the old-school strategy of meeting a guy at a bar or a gym or whatever….
It just blows me away how people blindly place their trust and health in the hands of complete strangers on Grindr. The thing is that when it comes to sex, I’ve never not been the one in control. Initially, being the receiver thrills me, then reality kicks in and I realize how terrifying that sounds. Another guy, his dick inside me, controlling the flow of sex. It’s too vulnerable.
Communication is essential here. Be honest and upfront with potential partners that you are a newbie to mansex. You need to spend some time setting up your initial hookups. Chat with them a few times over several days to make sure they understand your situation and you are comfortable with them. Go slow and take your time.
Firstly, sticking an object in your ass and liking it doesn't make a man gay.
Plenty of straight men like being pegged by their girlfriends.
Women often finger men during sex. Some enjoy rimming. It's usually homophobia that stops men from asking for it.
Your fascination with men is something else though. The way you tell the story, it sounds like you have been in self denial for a while but you've finally come out to yourself.
Mazel tov!
Plenty of straight men like being pegged by their girlfriends.
Women often finger men during sex. Some enjoy rimming. It's usually homophobia that stops men from asking for it.
Your fascination with men is something else though. The way you tell the story, it sounds like you have been in self denial for a while but you've finally come out to yourself.
Mazel tov!
By the way.... You are probably not gay either. Sexuality is a spectrum. You are most likely a shade of bisexual.
As I mentioned in my original post, I always knew I wasn't 100% straight but I never paid those thoughts any attention. I had moments in my teens where I felt charmed by a type (tall, big arms, big chest) but I always mistook it for intimidation. Sex with men was unthinkable. Now it is entirely different. I feel violently attracted to any man that is tall, strong and somewhat good looking. Like...I want to be submissive for them... It's embarrassing. Like I am boy crazy or something.
One of the reasons I am so nervous is because I've been on the other side of sex my whole life. Hearing straight men say shit like "Promise them you'll go slow, then once you're in you can do whatever you want" over fist bumps and laughter doesn't make me very secure. Ashamedly, I used to say and do shit like that to girls...
There are assholes everywhere, but gay men are not straight men. Grindr is a minefield, so if you choose to go with that option, you're gonna have to take it slow and be careful. You'll have to weed out all the bullshit and selfish men who only want a quick hump and dump. My advice, if you're willing to explore this new side of your sexuality, would be to try and befriend some gay ppl, go to gay bars or something. That way it's easier to know if they're genuine or not and you'll feel more comfortable when the time comes to hook up.
Trevor
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I had my gay awakening at about the same age. I had only dated girls all through high school but I since puperty I had felt attracted to certain guys but I knew I couldn't possibly be gay because gays take it up the ass. Then at age 20 I got referred to a urologist for some medical issues and as part of the exam he made me drop my pants so he could check my prostate. He had me lie on my side on the exam table and pull my legs up and he shoved his gloved and well lubed fingers up my ass and I was immediately rock hard and dripping pre-cum all over the tissue paper on his table. He pressed on it and I felt like I was going to bust a nut without touching myself. He asked if it hurt and I simply said: "NO" while thinking: "OMG this feels damn good." LOL
Pretty sure the doc could tell I liked it due to my raging 7" boner so he pressed on it a few more times for good measure. If he hadn't pulled his fingers out and told me: "you can get dressed" I'd have probably blown a load all over his exam table. So then while I was trying to jam my rock hard cock back into my white Jockey Y fronts (without much success) he sat down in a chair and started asking me questions and checking stuff off on his clipboard.: I only remember one of the questions. He said "you ARE a heterosexual aren't you?" I said: "yes" but was thinking: "I am not so sure anymore." LOL That prostate exam was the most humiliating experience of my young life but I suddenly knew why gay guys liked taking it up the ass and I knew I wanted to be fucked.
Yes exactly. I was the same. There's all these signs telling you the same thing but inside your head you wall it off and can't see it for what it is.
So when you finally say to yourself "ok I'm not straight, I'm x" that's coming out to yourself. And when you do, everything makes sense and then you can feel whole.
This really really resonates with the saying "Homophobes are just scared men will treat them like they treat women."
NOT calling you homophobic. But the worry and the fact you even brought it up and said it organically really makes me feel that this is a core issue with sexually insecure people. You are now having empathy with women and men who bottom. You are seeing how messed up some "norms" are in the hetero male world haha.
Is it really a culture everywhere? Is woman really in pain in sex when man go hard on em? I just can't imagine in position like that and can't say stop or making him stop when it's really hurt
Blindly place their trust and health in - whose hands. The girls you dated put their trust and health in your hands even if you used a condom.
Grindr has risks but you can reduce that by meeting the guy in a public location to start with, use a condom, start by sitting on his dick, etc.. There are a lot of good guys on Grindr that just want a good time.
It may take a little time, but you will find someone that you can play with.
Trevor
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I have been meeting guys for sex long before Grindr existed. Back then it was just yahoo personals and AOL IM. If you chat with a guy for a while you can usually feel them out and determine what kind of person they are. I have honestly never had a bad experience with anyone I have ever met because I had chatted with them enough that I felt like I knew the dude before we met. Honestly every guy I have ever met was kind, caring and loving in the bedroom. I usually meet up with a guy a few times for JO, oral, and frot before I bottom for him.
Part of the turn on for me is completely submitting to another male, putting my trust in him and being completely vulnerable and letting him take control of my body and put his dick inside me and use me for his pleasure. The first time I let another guy fuck me I remember being really nervous and scared and thinking: "damn this must be what it is like for a girl losing her virginity." lol
As a bi guy I think having the experience of being fucked helps me to be a better lover with women because I know what it is like for them to submit to a guy having done it myself.
"A lot of people on there don't understand communication" That's one of the most diplomatic statements I've read -- online, that is.
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