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I think it's a little different than cheating with woman, because he is going out for something that he can't get at home. I would be a hypocrite if I said that this was wrong. I had a long term relationship with a married man for several years. He loved his wife and children deeply and they were very well provided for. He and I had an understanding that neither of us wanted a commitment from each other. The sex was great and we are still friends.
 
nudeyorker said:
I think it's a little different than cheating with woman, because he is going out for something that he can't get at home. I would be a hypocrite if I said that this was wrong. I had a long term relationship with a married man for several years. He loved his wife and children deeply and they were very well provided for. He and I had an understanding that neither of us wanted a commitment from each other. The sex was great and we are still friends.
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you can know something is wrong and still do it.
and doing something wrong doesn't make you an entirely bad person.
you can be a mostly good person engaged in something shitty.

no person supplies everything,
and every affair is giving something that they can't get at home...
youth, attractiveness, adventure, kink, affection, whatever.
there is always something to be used as justification.
 
dolfette said:
you can know something is wrong and still do it.
and doing something wrong doesn't make you an entirely bad person.
you can be a mostly good person engaged in something shitty.

no person supplies everything,
and every affair is giving something that they can't get at home...
youth, attractiveness, adventure, kink, affection, whatever.
there is always something to be used as justification.
Click to expand...
The only "wrong" thing I can see here is the married man not being upfront and honest with his wife about his attractions and urges. He likes what he likes (As do we all) and he should be honest with her.

Then, they can choose to renegotiate the boundaries of their relationship to allow him to be satisfied or not. This is what my ex-wife and I did for many years (until I realized I was gay and not bi). They can also then choose to have a mixed-orientation marriage or go separate ways.

Honesty is always best and men hiding their true sexual feelings is a symptom of the rampant heterosexism to which we are all exposed and the homophobia that strikes fear into many a man and woman. If people were not so cruel and bigoted, many a queer man would come out a lot quicker.
 
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Lex said:
The only "wrong" thing I can see here is the married man not being upfront and honest with his wife about his attractions and urges. HE likes that he likes and he should be honest with her. Then, they can choose to renegotiate the boundaries of their relationship to allow him to be satisfied or not. This is what my ex-wife and I did for many years (until I realized I was gay and not bi). They can also then choose to have a mixed-orientation marriage or go separate ways.

Honesty is always best and men hiding their true sexual feelings is a symptom of the rampant heterosexism to which we are all exposed and the homophobia that strikes fear into many a man and woman. If people were not so cruel and bigoted, many a queer man would come out a lot quicker.
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you're absolutely right.
marriage is promise to foresake all others.
...unless you both agree to a different promise.
if you need both then you should find yourself a girl who doesn't mind or just stay single.
 
I think it's WRONG to hoodwink a loving woman that way. I know that some of us have such a horrible time coming out, but no matter how articulately it can be rationalized, but it is WRONG!:mad:
 
dolfette said:
you can know something is wrong and still do it.
and doing something wrong doesn't make you an entirely bad person.
you can be a mostly good person engaged in something shitty.

no person supplies everything,
and every affair is giving something that they can't get at home...
youth, attractiveness, adventure, kink, affection, whatever.
there is always something to be used as justification.
Click to expand...

The funny thing is I never felt like I was doing anything wrong and I don't know if he felt that way either; we never discussed it. He and his family got to have their life and we got to have ours. I wanted a relationship without any sort of commitment and he wanted to keep his life with his family. Eventually I dealt with the issues of why I wanted a relationship without a commitment and moved on.
 
AZNEWGUY said:
What do you think about Married Men cheating on wives with other men ?
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I think there is a heck of a lot of it going on. More than the average person realizes. There are Yahoo Groups in most cities for Bi Married Men to hook up with other guys. If you go to the Adult Video Stores, which I would never do (cough, cough) there are more married guys with wedding rings than there are "out" gay guys.

The out gay guys have other outlets like gay bars etc. which a married man couldn't chance being seen at. If anyone catches him at an AVS, at least there is all that str8 porn there that he can claim he came there for -- unless someone catches him actually going in or out of a movie booth with someone, which is why when two guys hook up there, they always enter or leave the booths separately, about a minute apart. (Or so I've been told. :wink: )

Male sexuality is a fascinating thing to study.
 
Wow wasn't expecting any replies to this, thanks for you opinions. This was a matter of curiosity. I noticed a lot of married guys trying to get with me lately. I just wanted to know what experience you guys may have had with this. Thanks again.
 
yeah, if you're going to have any kind of "understanding," it'd be better to discuss that with your bride to be BEFORE you make that (supposedly) life long commitment. otherwise, it's kind of a bait and switch situation. at the same time, people make mistakes and every situation is different...so i don't want to make any blanket condemnations. just that, in general, it's not such a great idea and in the words of Lady Aretha...you better think. ;)
 
Love, sex and committment can be a very complicated triangle. For some people they are all the same thing, but for others they are each rather different and distinct parts of a relationship. Before my wife and I married I made her fully aware of my desires and needs. My wife's view on this was simple. Loving another person is cheating. Emotional envolement or committment with another person is cheating. Sex with another woman is cheating. Sex with a man was something I needed which she could not provided, so as long as there is no emotional involvement or committment it is ok. As long as it does not effect our life/relationship, I keep it discrete, and I play safe she is ok with it. There are no secretes or surprizes. We have been married 20 years and this works well for us.
 
My faher has a friend like this. He has been married for twenty years and has 3 kids and for about the past 8 years he has had a boyfriend on the side. His wife is very aware and does not agree however, he is loaded and by that I mean Rolls Royces and Bentleys so his wife isn't going anywhere. Both wife and boyfriend live in massive estates.
 
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