Really low self esteem

[Moez???]

Now I know what I'm gonna get here. Girls like confidence and all that. I know, I do. But I just can't seem to get there.

I don't consider myself ugly, but I know my own opinion doesn't matter. On paper, everything seems good. I'm a college student, so I'm obviously working toward having a stable career. I'm tall, 6'2". I'm only like...15 lbs overweight, but I have a relatively built frame from weight lifting. I'm balding slightly, but it's mostly from the back. I don't overdue my clothes, but I try to keep clean and neat. My penis isn't small it's 7x5, but that isn't really what bothers me. The approach is what gets me the most.

My biggest fear...well, I don't really want to say fear, but the thing I work hardest at avoiding, is putting pressure on a girl who might not be interested. I dont want to be that guy who bothers a girl when she is obviously uninterested, so I end up looking for any subtle signs that she might not be interested, and when I get a hint of disinterest, I give up.

I just feel overshadowed by most other guys, especially my friends, who get girls approaching them. I've never had a girl approach me and start flirting. and it kinda wears me down. I don't want to post my pictures here, but I do want to get blunt opinions on my appearance. besides, I have only joke pictures of myself on my comp, but I guess they do ok.

I just want to get women's opinions...what would you suggest to a guy like me? what should I look for to see when a girl is interested or uninterested? Keep in mind, most of the chances I get to meet girls are in college, and not really parties, so open flirting isn't really common. or at least, not extremely obvious flirting.

 

[B_Mister Buildington]

Start taking finasteride to stop balding. It's cheap if you get the generic. Continue working out, and lose that 15 extra pounds because you seem self-conscious about it.

Work large muscle groups. Focus on your glutes, quads, and back to raise testosterone levels. Do you drink? It can help in moderation.

How long has it been since you've gotten laid? You may need a slump buster. Start with a fat/plain/whatever girl or two, who you really won't put any pressure on yourself as to whether you succeed or not. After you've bagged a few, work your way up the food chain. You'll gain the confidence you desire.

 

[deleted85856]

In regards to the balding thing, because I could go on for fitness forever, Shave it all off. If you shave it all, it sends a message that you're comfortable with yourself and it's an ego booster. Not only that but it's become a bit of a style trend, it's a bold look for men; hairless and hair.

Use bodybuilding.com, it's an awesome fitness source!

 

[B_Mister Buildington]

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS MAN. Get on finasteride ASAP, just to see whether it would work for you. You can stop losing your hair for like 60 bucks a year. If you want to shave your head, fine, but at the same time, stop the balding process. Who knows if you'll want a full head of hair sometime in the future?

 

[molotovmuffin]

In regards to the balding thing, because I could go on for fitness forever, Shave it all off. If you shave it all, it sends a message that you're comfortable with yourself and it's an ego booster. Not only that but it's become a bit of a style trend, it's a bold look for men; hairless and hair.

Use bodybuilding.com, it's an awesome fitness source!

^^^ What Matt said. Shaving the head is a bold statement about hair lose and is sexy as hell. :wink:

 

[wrestling]

Hey buddy, some girls put on this act of not being interested in a guy that trying to get them. Hard to tell if its an "act" or if she is not interested.
I just go for it, you might get in.

 

[EllieP]

My hubby shaved his head last year just as a lark. He looked sexy as hell! Then it grew back and he still looks sexy as hell! Oh well.

As for your self-esteem issue, you just have to be yourself. You may not get the girl you think you want, but the girl you get will be the girl you really want.

 

[SnitchQitch]

well i've heard a theory from a short, fat, smelly male friend, which made sense to me why he shamelessly asked all the hot girls out.

for every 10000 hot girls you ask out, you might actually get one who really likes you... so try your luck, don't be ashamed, and ask 10000 girls out!

 

[ella_76]

hi sweetie, i`d advise you to look for little signs like if you and a girl are sitting down watch for things like if she`s got her body turning towards you.... and the preening thing that us women do when were interested like playing with our hair or touching our lips... oh and if you look at a girls eyes when she`s looking at you or talking to you, try to notice if her eyes widen or pupils enlarge

the shaving your hair off thing, a lot of women find that really sexy but check out your head and face shape first if your thinking about doing it... it does`nt look good on some men.
sometimes if a girl wont make eye contact thats a big give away too, if she`s shy she`ll keep looking away.
i hope this helps hun

 

[bitten]

Start talking to women without having your friends around. That way you don't have to compete with them and the women only have one choice, which is you. Go out by yourself and try talking to lots of women, and if you get turned down so what, move on to the next chick, this will only help build your confidence. Women are women any where, rather it's at a party or at college, and to be honest, women love a man to flirt with them. If you don't engage in any type of sexual conversation with a woman, she's going to think that you're a pussy. Have confidence and be direct with the woman you like, it saves you from all of the mind games.

 

[helgaleena]

I have found that the best confidence builder is to sit down at home right before bed and imagine yourself as magnetic. Do it with a smile on your face and your eyes closed. Imagine the sort of feminine looks and attention you would like coming to you. Drift off to sleep like that. Your subconscious will chime in and you will wake feeling more attractive.

 

[Moez???]

Let's say I were to post a link to a site with my pictures? again, they are mostly comical in nature, but would you guys give blunt opinions in my appearance? I think the biggest problem I have is that I don't know what other people think of me. Like I said, I don't consider myself a bad looking guy. maybe around average.

Also, I'm not that bald yet. rogain has stalled my baldness pretty good. but It leave leaves me with no other hair styles than short.

 

[rob_just_rob]

As far as self esteem goes... fake it till you make it. Pretend that you are someone else. Eventually that will stop being someone else and start being how you see yourself.

And if you don't already, start smiling more.

 

[EL_Duderino]

I have found that the best confidence builder is to sit down at home right before bed and imagine yourself as magnetic. Do it with a smile on your face and your eyes closed. Imagine the sort of feminine looks and attention you would like coming to you. Drift off to sleep like that. Your subconscious will chime in and you will wake feeling more attractive.

This isn't really the type of thing id buy into but I really do find it interesting and I like your way of thinking.

 

[AlphaMale]

I can relate to what the OP is feeling because I used to live in an area where I had a girl or groups of girls approach me all the time and now I'm in an area where I don't "fit the mold" so to speak of all the d bag guys around here so all the girls are afraid to approach me and never do. If anyone wants to know the details PM me.

==

Anyway, If you're afraid of talking to a girl and her not being interested then maybe trying starting with some subtle, friendly conversation first.

Just pass by and smile and say hey and keep moving, etc. Then if you see her again and she seems friendly then probably good to open more convo, if she pays you no attention then just keep it moving. :tongue:

Really though, never give a fuck about what other people think as long as you know you are a good, kind, honest, genuine, being yourself etc. person. There is no reason why someone should not like a person like that.

And any girl with a good head on her shoulders should like a guy like that and if she doesn't then that is her problem. Doesn't mean she has to be head over heels for you, but she can entertain a few seconds of conversation like a normal person and not be a bitch. If she has an attitude in the first few seconds then that's probably not a good sign. I pass on chicks like that, they suck in bed anyway... :wink:

 

[badgirl22]

When I started dating again after being married for a long time I wasn't sure how it would go. I approached it from an "I simply want to have fun and am not looking for anything serious" standpoint. I sort of set my expectations to meet new people and just have some fun and if I met someone and had a great connection then all the better - this took the pressure off (though it's the way I actually felt so it worked for me). I knew that not everyone I met or went on a date with was going to like me and likewise, I wasn't going to like everyone either. It's okay for not everyone to like you - it's normal. You can't feel bad about yourself because of it. We all have different likes/dislikes.

My advice would be to just start chatting but instead of doing all the talking (unless you're like me and talk too much when nervous) ask a lot of questions about them. People like talking about themselves and it often times puts them at ease and lowers their guard. If you can get them talking, simply say something like, "I have to get going but would love to hear more about this - would you like to continue this conversation over coffee/drink/lunch sometime?" It's not a huge come on and its not threatening. If they say "no" then really no big deal - just move on to the next person who looks interesting. If they say "yes" then set the time and place right there and don't act overly excited about it. Just be pleasent and say you look forward to it and leave.

If I'm truly interested in someone, I will look them right in the eye and they will have my full attention. If I'm not interested, my eyes will wander away. Also, I might talk with my hands and touch an arm. Or, I will stand a bit closer and I will definitely smile a lot. I will also ask a lot of questions because I'm truly interested in knowing the answers to find out more about the person. If I'm not interested, I'll find an escape and say, "will you please excuse me" and either go to the restroom or to *catch-up* with friends.

I think places like clubs/bars are very hard to meet people. Better places are at events like weddings, other people's parties, gyms, classes, or anywhere you do some of your hobbies. There seems to be just too much stress and expectations around meeting someone in a bar or club.

Good luck to you. Hope you meet someone nice!

Oh, btw, balding - so not an issue. Nor is a few extra pounds - as long as you are nice, interesting, and have a nice smile. :wink:

 

[njman2008]

We all have things to be insecure about but the main thing is to try to just be happy with who you are. Being positive attracts others and you don't need to work on your baldness or be someone your not. Seriously, just be yourself. Talk to girls and you will find those who are attracted to you and who find you interesting for you. I feel like you might be looking at your friends who are getting into one night stands but it seems like you want more than that. I know guys who don't care about the girls they are trying to hook up with and want to use them and dump them. I know a guy right now who pretty much took advantage of a girl who is having some trouble with her boyfriend and used her sadness to sleep with her. She is still living with her boyfriend and says how much she loves him but feels lost. It doesn't seem like your that guy and you should be proud of that. Seriously, be yourself.

 

[KTF40]

My biggest fear...well, I don't really want to say fear, but the thing I work hardest at avoiding, is putting pressure on a girl who might not be interested. I dont want to be that guy who bothers a girl when she is obviously uninterested

Holy crap! I have the same problem. I always feel like it's a burden for them to talk to me. That's why I basically avoid them and have never ever approached them.

Here is the deal with me. I was in the same situation as you. I didn't talk to girls and they didn't talk to me. So for 21 years of my life, I was a virgin with zero chance of getting laid. But, in the past year I've fucked four girls. How did I do it? Craiglist! Seriously man, I know it sounds stupid but just try it. Without it I'd still be a virgin. I recommend it to any guy having problems attracting girls.

 

[Moez???]

I've tried, but I guess my area craig's list is extremely full of spam and that's all I really get.

I'm 24, and never really outgrew the awkward, shy, teenage phase. I don't know why.

On paper, everything seems fine. I mean, when I'm not interested in a girl, I feel fine and act like myself and have no problem. I don't worry about saying the wrong things because I could care less, and when I do that, the girl laughs and gets comfortable. I just can't bring myself to be that same way around new girls or girls i have interest in.

All my friends tell me I shouldn't have self esteem issues. girls and guys. I don't know I just can't get over this hump, and even though I missed some years after high school, I'm in college now and want to get over this mentality before I finish college at least.

 

[a_uncensored]

You may need a slump buster. Start with a fat/plain/whatever girl or two, who you really won't put any pressure on yourself as to whether you succeed or not. After you've bagged a few, work your way up the food chain. You'll gain the confidence you desire.

Hun don't listen to Mister Buildington! In fact thas about the worst piece of advice I've read for a while not to mention degrading not only to the poster, who is indeed asking for honest opinions and help and also to any woman no
matter where Buildington see's them on his immaginary food chain.

There are definate body language thinkgs to look for like if she leans in go talk to you etc. Also just be yourself. I want a guy who is honest not only to himself but those around him and especially me.

Not all women are out for looks and size although they are nice - personally if the friendship and personality aren't there and we can't hang out as friends I don't want to be with him.

Neither my H is perfect physically - or my BF (long story). But both are my friends.