Relationship Riddle

Catharsis

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Person A meets Person B and dates for a while. They both had recent tragedies through which they initially bonded. But they connected and stayed with each other through shared interests, hobbies and politics and other beliefs. They become exclusive, and eventually Person B invites Person A to move into their home. So now they live together happily and with no arguments or disagreements for a while (let's say, 9 months).

Until one day. They are both doing a mutually enjoyed activity, though Person A has less experience - Person B, who is more experienced, offers some advice which is contrary to how Person A had gotten used to doing it, but they try the advice anyway and mess up. Person A then gets really frustrated and lashes out, saying something along the lines of, "If I had done it my own way, I wouldn't have messed up." Although, it's not known for sure that Person A doing it their own way would have actually achieved a better result. So Person B gets offended, and a little while later approaches Person A about the incident. Person A says, "I know you're better at this but if I don't ask for advice then I don't want it, I was doing fine until then." Person A gives some kind of glare at Person B while saying this which offends Person B even more. They sleep in separate rooms that night and do separate activities all the next day with no interaction.

The next morning (2 days after the incident), Person A is in the kitchen having breakfast while Person B comes in and asks them, "What are you doing here?" Person A says that they need to talk and try to understand where each other is coming from about the incident, but Person B doesn't want to talk - they want "space and time to think about it" and asks Person A to leave their (Person B's) home. In a week, Person A moves out.

Person A wants to communicate, while Person B wants space. Both want to resolve the issue, but are not living together or seeing each other. Do you think that's the end of the relationship?

- - -
To me, it seems like such a minor issue to break a relationship. Maybe Person A shouldn't have gotten so upset about it in the first place. Although I myself get frustrated over anything unsolicited, advice included, I probably would be mindful that Person B was trying to give advice with good intentions.

On the flip-side, I'm not sure why Person B doesn't want to communicate, exactly how much space and time should they need before willing to work through the issue? Even if it's not to resolve the issue, there should at least be some closure to end the relationship - or do you think there is already sufficient closure?
 

socalfreak

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Person B sounds like an insufferable immature pain in the ass.
If this is indicative of how they're going to handle a small situation, it doesn't look good going forward.
Person A is better off without them.

In relationships, "closure" is a luxury. Many
things die. Most of them don't get a funeral
 

marriedasian

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it just sounds to me like neither A or B is willing to accept a little humility and take ownership of their mistakes as both of them is at fault here. if it was just one of them then it would be a lot easier and more black-and-white since a simple apology from the fault-person would literally end this quarrel.

with the above said, the most damaging action here is when B asked A to leave the home. this doesn't make sense if B's real intentions are to resolve the misunderstanding. why would you ask another person to leave the home in which you share just because of needing more "space and time"... this action alone "sealed the deal" and i don't honestly foresee these two getting back together.

sometimes, as they say, love isn't enough. i'm sure A and B loves each other but maybe their pride is too strong and seems to be getting in the way. A seems to want to talk it over while B is hesitant. perhaps B has issues with being vulnerable and therefore will hold up the shield indefinitely. A is, at least, wanting to communicate. closure or not, once A left the home, the relationship crossed a point-of-no-return and was probably over even if words were not exchanged... the "closure" is the act of leaving the home.

relationships of any kind are difficult because we humans can change on a whim when we want or feel like it. your best friend and lover today may be your worst enemy and hater tomorrow. cherish the past, live fully in the present, and prepare for the future.
 

ronin001

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The meaning of life / the answer to life has always been a mystery - Riddle - Puzzle
Relationships are often harder to understand or solve.

As I have started manyyyyy times I suck at relationships; but it looks like there was a little underlying tension between person A and B. You would be surprised how little it takes to bring buried feelings to the surface.

Fingers crossed for A and B, attempt communication when cooler heads prevail

Next time ask a hard riddle, like why am I still an active member here :cool:

Happy Sunday Cathy
 

cherryboom66

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Person B is controlling and doesn’t want someone to fight back. “Do it my way... or leave.”

Person A is quick to anger and feisty, I like that.

Either way, they met at a time where they needed someone, anyone. The feelings they wanted probably weren’t real to begin with and were subconsciously using each other anyway.

My advice - rebound sex and slanging matches over social media.
 
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IntactMale

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Both people sound too petty to maintain a relationship.

I think an explanation of the activity being done when person B gives person A advice is pretty relevant here. I imagined a few different activities in which this interaction could have taken place and the result is pretty different depending on what the activity is.

I do think that person B is in the wrong to kick someone they have been living with out of the house so quickly and without giving it more of a chance or at least discussing it. Also, if they are officially living together then in most cases it is illegal to evict someone so abruptly. Unless the scenario was unlivable, like person A was being violent, destructive, or abusive in another way, then there is no reason not to give more time for person A to find a place to live.

If I were in this scenario then I would interpret this as the relationship being over. I would move on as quickly as I could but try to learn from what I had done wrong, and learn how to determine if someone is likely to do what the other person did wrong in the future so I can avoid a similar situation.

I'm guessing that, based on how the story was told, you are person B. I think that person B needs to understand that people don't have that reaction to advice unless they feel like it is being given too much. Being given advice by your SO all the time feels belittling, so of course someone is eventually going to have a reaction to that.

You mention person B is offended. There is no good reason for person B to be offended in this scenario.
 
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Catharsis

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IntactMale, you're probably right that there does need to be more context on the activity and more info on what happened.

It was golf. Person A and Person B played with 2 other friends, and Person A was playing it "their way" which isn't technically "correct" but still playing under par throughout the game. But at some point Person A found themselves in a sticky situation and was about to try to position themselves out of it, but the other 3 were trying to give advice to Person A to go more to the left because their position would have caused it to go too far right. So they shifted and ended up going too far left. Person A felt if they tried their original stance it would have been fine. But I still don't know if that would have been guaranteed so I don't want to assume that's true or not.

Anyway, Person A gets frustrated as I mentioned in my OP and lashes out at all 3 of them, not just Person B. But throughout the rest of the game the other 2 people are fine and back to normal after that tense moment, but Person B stayed quiet. Then the conversation happens when Person A approaches Person B and asked them what's wrong, that's when Person B says they felt the anger was directed at them instead of all 3 of them. Person A insists that wasn't the case, explained they just don't want unsolicited advice and gave Person B that "glare". Then they go the next day without speaking.

I am not either person in this scenario but I do know both of them. While I tried to tell this story from an unbiased point of view to see what others may gauge from the situation, I was hesitant to admit that I'm on Person A's side because they wanted to talk about it, while Person B seemingly wants to ignore (or at least stall out) a conflict instead of talk about it. But since Person A wants to tackle it, waiting just makes them more anxious. Regardless, I feel a relationship is supposed to be a 2-way street and wasn't sure if there might be common ground for them to work this out while also appeasing to both of their preferences. I guess not. *

What makes it even more ridiculous to me is that this was just supposed to be a friendly game of golf to spend a summer afternoon. But then I guess I agree with socalfreak that just makes it worse - if Person B wants to resolve a small conflict by "kicking out" Person A, then God forbid a serious conflict should ever happen. Then again, not sure if I feel that way because of my own bias.

marriedasian also brings up another point, "perhaps B has issues with being vulnerable and therefore will hold up the shield indefinitely" which is quite likely related to their traumas and should be discussed more with their therapist. Furthermore, cherryboom66 hits the nail on the head (in my opinion) that "they met at a time where they needed someone, anyone". It was an unlikely couple but they found a bond. I guess what they don't have in common however, is method on how to handle an issue.

* One thing I forgot to mention, before Person B asked Person A to move out, Person A asked them if they wanted to try couples therapy, but Person B did not. Then they needed more space and time and asked Person A to move out.
 
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deleted3782

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I still say Ronin needed to take my advice on his golf swing, and yes, he still would have messed up if he "did it his own way." So, hit the road, Ro...we all know you wanna flirt with Inc, anyway. I will find someone who actually values my golf advice!
 
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Catharsis

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I still say Ronin needed to take my advice on his golf swing, and yes, he still would have messed up if he "did it his own way." So, hit the road, Ro...we all know you wanna flirt with Inc, anyway. I will find someone who actually values my golf advice!
Sorry for ronin :(
 
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Phil Ayesho

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nobody today is capable of relationship, it seems.

dating apps have made it easy to abandon anything less than perfect- without anyone having to face the fact that they themselves are far from perfect.
 
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IntactMale

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Interesting that it was golf, I had bowling in my mind for some reason. Equally petty, I think. It sounds like these people shouldn't be in a relationship with each other, but they should end their relationship a little more amicably. Throwing someone out on the street is unacceptable in my opinion.

Sorry I assumed you were one of the people in the relationship.
 

EquusAZ

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To me, it seems like such a minor issue to break a relationship. Maybe Person A shouldn't have gotten so upset about it in the first place. Although I myself get frustrated over anything unsolicited, advice included, I probably would be mindful that Person B was trying to give advice with good intentions.

On the flip-side, I'm not sure why Person B doesn't want to communicate, exactly how much space and time should they need before willing to work through the issue? Even if it's not to resolve the issue, there should at least be some closure to end the relationship - or do you think there is already sufficient closure?

I didn't read other people's reactions as I wanted mine to be untainted. IMO neither is ready for a relationship. A relationship takes effort on both parties in order to form a better cohesive unit. Person A is resentful and unappreciative of Person B's willingness to help - and wont take ownership of their own part in having things go wrong (could have said 'No - lets do it my way - or let me do my part my way') and person B is prideful and doesn't want to communicate.

Either way both need to grow up.
 

Catharsis

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Equally petty, I think. It sounds like these people shouldn't be in a relationship with each other
IMO neither is ready for a relationship. A relationship takes effort on both parties in order to form a better cohesive unit.
I agree and they both have their flaws. But I think communication is incredibly important. Perhaps A having an outburst instead of communicating better to begin with would have been one solution, but wanting to talk about it afterward would have helped clarify that issue and mutually understand it was not OK and it will be different from now on. However B didn't even want to have that talk which I thought was just as bad.

Sorry I assumed you were one of the people in the relationship.
No worries, it's probably not the norm to want to talk about anyone else's relationship, whether real or fictional.
 
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Auggiecakes

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If we moved in together and then you ask me to move out, it’s the end of the relationship for me. Regardless of what happened. You don’t kick people out over something small as you might say and if it was something big then the relationship is over even before I move out. Sounds to me like both A&B rushed things before really getting to know each other. Therefore both are immature and I have no pity for either.
 
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japetty

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As far as I know every human has at least one flaw and some of us more, and we all could be a little more forgiving of others. Even if the relationship is over and sounds as though it probably is over we should still be friends. My wife and I have been together married for 46 years and lived together about 3 years prior to marriage. We have to both work on our relationship daily. It has got easier over the years but it is still work and saying were sorry to one another. This was my 3rd marriage and it was my wife's second marriage. We all know though some relationships are just not meant to be as my first two marriages. One more thing in the years of this relationship we have never slept in separate rooms or told the other to move out or just up and move on our own.