Scared Shitless, please help!

plaasboer25

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Ok, I need some objective advice.

Guys, after three years of infertility treatments and numerous trips to doctors. Being operated on and poked and prodded like a lab rat. My wife and I is expecting our first child.

How did the new dads deal with the rejection during and after pregnancy? Did you take it like a man, accepted that your sex life died with the birth of the baby? Or did you beg like a dog? Or did you take matters in your own hands? Jacked off every now and then?

I do not now how to deal with this?

I asked my best friend about this, and he threated his wife 6 months after the birth of his first born, that if their sex life didn't improve he will go out and find sex somewhere else. He says it worked for him.

But my wife isn't as submissive to me, as his is to him, so I suppose it will not work for me. If I pull this stunt I will be kicked to the curb in 15 minutes flat. New baby or not.

Opinions appreciated.

Thanx
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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Being a woman who will probably never have kids due to my own health issues, I'm gonna say sex life is the least of your worries. This is a BLESSING for you guys and sex doesn't fucking matter right now. I'm actually starting to cry because I'm happy for her. You have two hands, make due if you have to. Talk to HER dammit, SHE'S the one you need to ask. If you truly love each other the sex will happen naturally. Some women get more horny during pregnancy, some don't want it at all. But what matters most is that she is having this baby. Not your penis. I've been poked and prodded for years myself and live with chronic abdominal pain and infertility. What she's been through to give you this baby has EARNED her the right to turn down sex for awhile if need be.
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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I know I'm not a man, but I was the 1st one who saw your post, and it kinda hit close to home. I do wish you the best, and congratulations to you both (mostly her, because she had to go through all that just to conceive) on the baby.
 

Call_Me_Daddy

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You're assuming your wife's not going to want sex, that's not always true.

My wife wasn't really interested in sex for the first 3 months then went crazy for the last 6. She also jumped the gun and wanted sex less than six weeks after she gave birth.

So I say wait and see before you assume the worst. And even if she isn't that interested, have an adult conversation with her and come to some terms that will keep you both satisfied.
 

Shackleford

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First off, you say that your wife is expecting, then reference "after pregnancy" and your friend's situation 6 months after they had a child. You're preemptively "scared shitless" over something that hasn't even happened yet and might never. Of course your sex life is going to change after a baby arrives, but why assume it's going to be catastrophic? If sex just stopped after children, 2nd and 3rd children wouldn't exist. Everyone on the planet would be an only child.

Like T'n'J said, if you have sincere concerns, you need take them up with your wife. That's the only meaningful advice anyone here can give you.
 

long_uncut

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Have to agree with Tight. Get a grip on it and be a Dad and a Husband. Baby makes three and that means a whole new way of life. Figure out what she needs and wants right now. You have to make yourself relevant in all of this in a way other than just being a sperm donor. After all, a woman can get that at a sperm bank. Do this right and at the right time she will be interested again in all of the warm and fuzzy stuff that made that baby in the first place. Now, get a grip on it and take care of yourself. That's what we guys have to do sometimes.
 

Phil Ayesho

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Different women react differently.

For my first wife, Sexual desire fell off as pregnancy progressed.
After birth, she remained relatively uninterested as long as she was breast feeding...
So, each pregnancy ended up meaning about a year or so without sex.

Other guys I know had women who were sexually active thru the whole thing.


And Most couples I know experienced a significant reduction in sex during their children's first 3 "diaper" years... mostly because they were both exhausted all the time.

Its Only sex. Going without won't kill you.
If you love this woman and your child and want a family... it means a lot of sacrifice and not having sex as often as you might prefer is not even in the top 10 of sacrifices that you will have to make as a husband and a father in the coming decades.

Grow a pair, grow up and get over your dick.
And if you feel horny and she ain't in the mood...

get a grip on yourself and work it out.
 

Oilslickcowboy

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As a father of a three year old and a 3 week old, I can only speak from my experience. Your sex life will change, no doubt, but it might not be for the worse. In our younger days my wife and I would have sex anywhere, anytime. However, my wife was inexperienced and had some insecurities so sex, while fantastic, was rather straight forward. After having a room full of people watch a baby forced from her vagina, she stopped caring about the little things she didn't like about her body. We have been far more open and willing to experiment with eachother since. More importantly, you are about to be the prototype of how your child views men, take that responsibility seriously and don't be a grade A douche bag like your friend, who just taught his kid that women are possessions and sex is more important than being a good human being.
 

Exbiker

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1. I don't know. I'm gay.

2. It may not be how you think it might be. It's not the same for different people. And it's not the same for the same person, on different days.

3. At the end of the day, ejaculation and sex are not the most important thing in life. Bringing a new life into the world, and bringing up a child to adulthood, are very precious things. Many people would give anything for that. Don't treat it too lightly, and look to the other people involved, before you look to yourself. Yourself can be managed ...

:smile:
 

D_Fuzzy_Nutter

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Being a woman who will probably never have kids due to my own health issues, I'm gonna say sex life is the least of your worries. This is a BLESSING for you guys and sex doesn't fucking matter right now. I'm actually starting to cry because I'm happy for her. You have two hands, make due if you have to. Talk to HER dammit, SHE'S the one you need to ask. If you truly love each other the sex will happen naturally. Some women get more horny during pregnancy, some don't want it at all. But what matters most is that she is having this baby. Not your penis. I've been poked and prodded for years myself and live with chronic abdominal pain and infertility. What she's been through to give you this baby has EARNED her the right to turn down sex for awhile if need be.

Outstanding response, TNJ. Very wise, very unselfish advice.
 

notahorse

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I agree with Tight N Juicy. There are some excellent responses.

To paraphrase: We tried and tried and tried...and finally succeeded in doing the most profound thing two humans can do. And I'm worried about my dick.

If your wife wouldn't put up with an ultimatum like "I'll go elsewhere for pussy" then I just gained a whole lot of respect for her.

It's been a while, but I can't remember how things changed after birth. So much else to worry about then.

Here's the thing...don't end up blowing the next 20 years of a good relationship over a few months of lower than average sex drive.

I do regret not having more pregnancy sex. It was hot, and you can't get it back. Well I guess you can, but...ya know.

(PS: I confess--maybe I responded only so I could indulge myself in writing the sentence, "I agree with Tight N Juicy".)
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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As a father of a three year old and a 3 week old, I can only speak from my experience. Your sex life will change, no doubt, but it might not be for the worse. In our younger days my wife and I would have sex anywhere, anytime. However, my wife was inexperienced and had some insecurities so sex, while fantastic, was rather straight forward. After having a room full of people watch a baby forced from her vagina, she stopped caring about the little things she didn't like about her body. We have been far more open and willing to experiment with eachother since. More importantly, you are about to be the prototype of how your child views men, take that responsibility seriously and don't be a grade A douche bag like your friend, who just taught his kid that women are possessions and sex is more important than being a good human being.

*stands and applauds*
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I agree with Tight N Juicy. There are some excellent responses.

To paraphrase: We tried and tried and tried...and finally succeeded in doing the most profound thing two humans can do. And I'm worried about my dick.

If your wife wouldn't put up with an ultimatum like "I'll go elsewhere for pussy" then I just gained a whole lot of respect for her.

It's been a while, but I can't remember how things changed after birth. So much else to worry about then.

Here's the thing...don't end up blowing the next 20 years of a good relationship over a few months of lower than average sex drive.

I do regret not having more pregnancy sex. It was hot, and you can't get it back. Well I guess you can, but...ya know.

(PS: I confess--maybe I responded only so I could indulge myself in writing the sentence, "I agree with Tight N Juicy".)

Fuck it, you get a standing ovation too. Like I said, there ARE some awesome fucking people on LPSG.
 

hsarge

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Your relationship may get even closer. You now have a common bond and achievement. You have the opportunity to really gain her full appreciation by pulling your fair share. If you don't look at the child as her responsibility, if you realize her work day might be more hectic than yours, and if you plan a little time for her to be pampered, you might just be overwhelmed with affection.
 

notahorse

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On further review...I may have jumped too quickly on the more negative "stop worrying / grow a pair" line of responses.
This is supposed to be a 'support' group after all.

I should be more accommodating, since it's easy to have gone through it all and look back with some distance saying, "what's the big deal?" I think it was the friend's ultimatum approach that brought out the more negative responses.

What I remember vividly--in terms of "scared shitless"--was one night just before I fell into sleep, I had this thought: "Holy shit, in 4 months there's going to be little noises coming out of that empty room...from another human being that we're totally responsible for. Am I up to this?" It was simultaneously exciting and horrifying, and I must admit at that moment, the horrifying side won out.

As we got closer to delivery time, I found myself worrying a lot more about things other than "how am I gonna I get off." I suspect the same will happen with the original poster.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can say that you should be more scared shitless about how much money and time will be involved in raising a child, especially if you have aspirations for that child to get a higher education. Damn, college is expensive.

We have 3 kids at various stages of schooling, and in terms of our sex life, that's a lot more of a challenge than any time when they were infants. They sleep a lot when they're little. Now we have to 'wait out' the older one going to bed late, then be very quiet...that is, if we don't fall asleep first.

Now they're out of school for summer and it's a bitch finding a window of opportunity--no more daytime sex for 3 months or so, damn. Just yesterday I was at the health club and I got a text that the kids went to a movie until about 9. I'm no dummy. I can read between the lines. I cut that workout short, showered and headed home where I found my wife wearing nothing but this sexy white robe. We both needed it bad. Married sex may be different, but it's still great.

But...that's all made possible because I didn't throw out this douchebag ultimatum when she was in her post-partum (post-surgery in our case) sexual 'down time.' Focus on being a good dad and partner and she will probably show her appreciation.
 

Guill

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As a father of a three year old and a 3 week old, I can only speak from my experience. Your sex life will change, no doubt, but it might not be for the worse. In our younger days my wife and I would have sex anywhere, anytime. However, my wife was inexperienced and had some insecurities so sex, while fantastic, was rather straight forward. After having a room full of people watch a baby forced from her vagina, she stopped caring about the little things she didn't like about her body. We have been far more open and willing to experiment with eachother since. More importantly, you are about to be the prototype of how your child views men, take that responsibility seriously and don't be a grade A douche bag like your friend, who just taught his kid that women are possessions and sex is more important than being a good human being.

I think this might be the most important thing mentioned so far. You went through all of that to bring a child into this world...now you have to raise him/her to be a good human being. Honestly the way the OP was written it sounded like a troll but the discussion it has sparked is well worth it.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I think this might be the most important thing mentioned so far. You went through all of that to bring a child into this world...now you have to raise him/her to be a good human being. Honestly the way the OP was written it sounded like a troll but the discussion it has sparked is well worth it.

Agreed.

But I have to go and be all female about it and say it: SHE went through it. He may have been there, and I give every man who is emotionally supportive to their woman during these kinds of things all the credit in this world and I SALUTE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU, but having gone through all the extremely intrusive procedures physically, and probably plenty of physical PAIN involved, she gets more credit from me. Sorry guys. I still recognize that you good fathers and partners deserve praise. But I've gone through PAIN oh God I can't tell you the physical and emotional pain I've suffered. I truly am happy for them both. Blessed Be <3
 
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MaxGallos

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- Yes, your sex life will change.
- But it doesn't have to be for the worse.
- It is not over and can be somewhat more rewarding.
- First: Enjoy the pregnancy sex, its a delicacy. She will get supper wet.
- Her pussy lips get engorged and her vagina tightens up like a vice.
- There's something primal about fucking a pregnant girl.
- Also, after birth when she's lactating is awesome.
- I remember my wife riding me and her boobs dripping all over me.
- It was very hot primal sex.
- If you make her feel beautiful and desired she'll reward you with the best sex you've ever had.
- Unfortunately, it won't be every day ...lol
- What you do, say & behave will dictate how she behaves.
- Threatening anyone doesn't work or get you great sex/love.