Sorry this is so long but it's a complicated thing for me! Hopefully I'll get some sympathetic feedback?
I've made countless references in my posts about my college roommate, Todd. He was by far the hottest boy crush I've ever had and I still think about him to this day. I suspect, strongly, that he was at least "curious" when we were friends back then but he ultimately chose the straight path, got married, had kids, and is now divorced. We've maintained the long distance friendship all these years and to my knowledge he's never known how I felt about him. Sadly, I've been a closet case my whole life but I'm sure everyone in my world knows I'm gay, I just have a way about me that prevents anyone from ever confronting me directly about it.
Anyway, Todd and I are in our later years and communicate mainly through facebook. We clown around a lot and have sent each other humorous but risque pics that seem to center a lot around asian lesbians. He's told me he spends a lot of time on foreign dating apps establishing long distance relationships with south American women who are a third his age. He's been divorced for years now, single and unattached the whole time, never dating to my knowledge, and his ex is a lesbian. Spending time with his two grown kids is his main joy in life.
And before anyone asks, NO, I would never come out to him, even though he MUST share the thoughts of everyone else about my sexuality. He's even maintained a very active friendship with the first guy I ever had sex with (a mutual classmate) and I can't imagine he hasn't asked him about me. He maintains a lot of friendships with gay guys from our past and his present, and is extremely non-judgmental. HOWEVER, I believe strongly that he would end our friendship if I came out to him. Don't ask me why, I just do.
I'm not delusional enough to have hopes of kindling a romantic relationship with him. But it would be mind blowing if I could at least push our on-line exchanges into more erotic (for me) areas. I recently pushed the envelope by sending him an AI vid of me ripping my shirt off to reveal a ridiculously cut torso. I told him it was sent to me by a former coworker as a joke. He didn't bite and barely commented.
SO....I'm considering an almost laughably complex ploy. I'm thinking of sending him an AI kissing video of me with some hot AI woman. I'll say it was sent to me by the same coworker that sent the shirt ripping video. Todd works in IT and probably knows a lot about the emerging AI video world. I can say I'm fine with a video out there of me kissing some hotty female but I'll express concern about the potential of that technology. If he bites and we get a conversation going (with our usual adolescent humor) I'll explain that my coworker has shown me how he made the video and I'm shocked how easy it is. As proof I'll send a kissing video of him with some female, maybe an asian hottie or one of our former female classmates. If he reacts positively and the humor escalates, I'd ultimately like to send him a pic of him and I kissing.
In my fantasy world, the ultimate goal of this would be to steer the conversation into nude pics we MAY have taken in the past and are they potentially out on the web somewhere. The absolute culmination would us actually trading nude pics. I have desperately wanted to see his nude body for decades and would have no qualms about showing him mine.
So just how sad and pathetic is this? To me it's kind of entertaining and makes for great fantasies.
I've made countless references in my posts about my college roommate, Todd. He was by far the hottest boy crush I've ever had and I still think about him to this day. I suspect, strongly, that he was at least "curious" when we were friends back then but he ultimately chose the straight path, got married, had kids, and is now divorced. We've maintained the long distance friendship all these years and to my knowledge he's never known how I felt about him. Sadly, I've been a closet case my whole life but I'm sure everyone in my world knows I'm gay, I just have a way about me that prevents anyone from ever confronting me directly about it.
Anyway, Todd and I are in our later years and communicate mainly through facebook. We clown around a lot and have sent each other humorous but risque pics that seem to center a lot around asian lesbians. He's told me he spends a lot of time on foreign dating apps establishing long distance relationships with south American women who are a third his age. He's been divorced for years now, single and unattached the whole time, never dating to my knowledge, and his ex is a lesbian. Spending time with his two grown kids is his main joy in life.
And before anyone asks, NO, I would never come out to him, even though he MUST share the thoughts of everyone else about my sexuality. He's even maintained a very active friendship with the first guy I ever had sex with (a mutual classmate) and I can't imagine he hasn't asked him about me. He maintains a lot of friendships with gay guys from our past and his present, and is extremely non-judgmental. HOWEVER, I believe strongly that he would end our friendship if I came out to him. Don't ask me why, I just do.
I'm not delusional enough to have hopes of kindling a romantic relationship with him. But it would be mind blowing if I could at least push our on-line exchanges into more erotic (for me) areas. I recently pushed the envelope by sending him an AI vid of me ripping my shirt off to reveal a ridiculously cut torso. I told him it was sent to me by a former coworker as a joke. He didn't bite and barely commented.
SO....I'm considering an almost laughably complex ploy. I'm thinking of sending him an AI kissing video of me with some hot AI woman. I'll say it was sent to me by the same coworker that sent the shirt ripping video. Todd works in IT and probably knows a lot about the emerging AI video world. I can say I'm fine with a video out there of me kissing some hotty female but I'll express concern about the potential of that technology. If he bites and we get a conversation going (with our usual adolescent humor) I'll explain that my coworker has shown me how he made the video and I'm shocked how easy it is. As proof I'll send a kissing video of him with some female, maybe an asian hottie or one of our former female classmates. If he reacts positively and the humor escalates, I'd ultimately like to send him a pic of him and I kissing.
In my fantasy world, the ultimate goal of this would be to steer the conversation into nude pics we MAY have taken in the past and are they potentially out on the web somewhere. The absolute culmination would us actually trading nude pics. I have desperately wanted to see his nude body for decades and would have no qualms about showing him mine.
So just how sad and pathetic is this? To me it's kind of entertaining and makes for great fantasies.
