So WTF is wrong here?

[Sirramm]

So ladies here is my question, comment, concern, complaint, bitch, and request for HELP:

Let me start with some basic background. I'm a 55 y/o male, not hard on the eyes, a true gentleman, caring, giving, extremely sexual, and a pleaser in and out of the bedroom. I have multiple degrees and have had a very successful life although currently caught in a riptide of struggle but slowly overcoming it. I clean, cook, and take care of my little place. I work 40+ hours a week with every weekend off. I make decent money but always looking to improve. I'm fairly well hung and have been in the swinging lifestyle for many years. On the weekends I want to have fun, not always sexual with others or even with the woman I'm with, but open to just simply relaxing and enjoying company. Because of my swinging background and my openness I've allowed and really don't mind if she has sex with other guys. I, until HER, NEVER suffered from insecurities.

So here is the issue that I need help with! I have dated this woman for almost a year. Over the course of that time, she has entered my life for 2-3 weeks at a time only to disappear for a week to 10 days at a time with absolutely NO CONTACT. Her absences have been excused as no signal on her cell to just needing time alone because of so many outside pressures. We both have Apple phones and have 'read receipt' on so seeing she has NOT seen texts or calls in my humble opinion are inexcusable. She clearly is ignoring me I know. She has her "weed card", which is legal here in our state. I, through my due diligence, know she has a fairly checkered past, and know she has a drug issue, alcohol issue, and the inability to be honest and true. I have caught her in several blatant lies but because I really do like her a lot, use to love her unconditionally, and really feel like I need to protect her from herself I have ignored things.

I could go really deep on many issues but I'm sure most readers will get the gist of what I'm getting at. I'm an idiot I know! Most men would have dumped her off the first time she rolled out but I've gotten a "feeling" (Yes I hear the song as well! LOL) that this is where I need and should be. Ladies! If you were her WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I BE DOING, PROVIDING, OFFERING, GIVING?

Thank you all in advance!

 

[Scarletbegonia]

You should be giving yourself the gift of cutting her out of your life.

 

[Mzseduction]

I agree ..quit trying to take care of her and concentrate on yourself. You deserve someone who respects you!

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

The weed and alcohol is irrelevant. Using mind altering substances isn't a factor. I know as someone who uses and knows dozens of users/addicts. Most of my family is or has been substance dependent at some point in our lives. I've worked in the medical cannabis industry for over 4 years now. Having her "weed card" shouldn't be a red flag of any kind.

My speculation: she's using you for attention when she needs it. She doesn't actually care about her partner's, she uses them to feel good about herself when she needs it. You can't protect her from anything. You're not her knight in shining armor. You're just as flawed as she is. Just in different ways. You two aren't compatible based on what you describe here. Move on.

 

[EllieP]

Damn, these ladies have given some good advice.

What should you do? Well, I have to ask the question of why do you want to do it?

I'm sure you feel some great affection for her, but it sounds like there's little return on your investment.

Face it, Sweetie. She's not sounding like a very stable relationship kind of woman.

I'm going to take your word for it that you're a catch. That makes you an easy mark as well.

One of the worst pains I've felt in my life is to discover that my closest friend was a user. I would be so excited to get a phone call from her, and after the small talk came the ask. It took another friend to show me the pattern.

The phone calls slowed down greatly after a few denials. I guess she found out I was on to the game.

Quit playing her game and see how long it takes for her to come back.

 

[like2Feelabig1]

What everyone else has said, with bells on.....