Str8.

[aquilon]

Straight guys. If a buddy, you've been friends with a long time, tells you he's gay. How do you react. I only ask because, my buddy told me he wants nothing more to do with me.

 

[Over-reaching]

Sorry to hear your story, aquilon. The main time that this happened to me I was the first person that my friend had ever told. He was confused and upset, but very, and embarrassed too, and I think I was something of a "test case" for him. I hope I was helpful; certainly I tried to be, and we talked about it a lot over the next little while, and I'm happy to say that we're still close friends. I'd also add that the issue of his sexuality or sexual preferences almost never comes up now.

All I can say is don't shut the door completely on your friendship, and consider whether your friend's reaction says more about him (and problems that he might have) than it does about you. I don't know if you hope that some sort of rapprochement can be achieved in the future, but that would be good (or so it seems to me).

 

[Exbiker]

Everyone is different. Not all straight people are the same, and not all gay people are the same ... so it's hard to predict.

I had a few people go slightly cold, but not many, and not really the ones who mattered. If someone wants to be like that ... let them ... we don't need them. Sometimes "friendships" are based on hiding things, and that cannot work. It's pretend. Sorry, but you may need to accept that in this case - no-one else can be sure of it, and you probably can't even know yourself what will / can / should happen ...

I am 48 now. Came out to most family and friends when I was 22.

I had a very good straight friend, our parents knew each other before I was born - so we'd known each other as kids. Travelled round Europe together when we were 18. At my "coming out" party - I'd invited about 20 or 30 friends over - he sat me down on his knee, and told me that nothing would ever change. He would alway love me.

A few weeks ago, we went to a rock concert in London. He has kids now, happily married to his childhood sweetheart. Idyllic countryside life.

He was right. Nothing has changed, except that life's rivers have meandered through the hills and woods some more, down through Time's flood plains, and out into the sea.

:smile:

 

[mistabobdobalina]

Straight guys. If a buddy, you've been friends with a long time, tells you he's gay. How do you react. I only ask because, my buddy told me he wants nothing more to do with me.

Offline, I don't maintain friendships with anyone who has that kind of attitude. If one of them told me they were gay I'd just feel happy they felt comfortable enough with me to share it.

 

[Kimahri]

Hey OP, sorry to hear that you've lost a friend over being honest. Never easy to face. I came out around 21 to guys I thought I'd known better than I did. The one dude actually threw a punch at me when I told him.

You can never really know how a guy is going to respond to that. Be careful whom you tell next. So, to not end on a negative note, several of my friends responded well and even took on that, "We must meet these guys before you can date them" role.

 

[NIMBUS]

Sorry to hear your story, acquilon. I can't understand, in this day and age, why anyone (other than religious bigots) think that it's an issue.

A few years ago a friend of mine, at a house party weekend, asked if he could fetch over a friend the following day. He then explained that it was a 'he', not a 'she'. He was clearly very stressed (and, in fact, had been stressing about this double life for nearly four years previously). He didn't get the reaction that he was expecting. We all said it was not a problem, no-one was in the slightest bit bothered. The flood of relief from him was such a joy to see. We've met his partner now on many, many occasions and he's just "one of the gang".

"Friends" that can be so intolerant of other people's lives and preferences are simply not worth having.

Give your friend a wide berth and tell him that when/if he comes around to the idea that you'll still be there and happy to continue the friendship. If he doesn't then it's his loss and when he gets older he'll be the one regretting letting a good friendship go.

I appreciate that you're probably mourning the loss of a long-time friend but it's his problem to sort out, not yours. Seek the support of other friends who are less subjective. Personally, I hope that he comes to his senses and ditches the nineteenth century Puritan attitude. Society develops, attitudes change, tolerance spreads (or should) in civilised society.

 

[bigman777]

I'm sorry to hear your friend had that reaction. I actually had a friend come out to me not so long ago and to be perfectly honest, it changed nothing. I don't see why its a problem for anyone, gay, straight, bi, lesbian, whatever...doesn't really change who he is as a person. So for me, it wasn't an issue and like I said, I really don't understand why some people make it or find it a big issue to deal with (the friend of someone who is gay I mean).

 

[CUBE]

I know you asked straight guys the question but I want to just hug you. I am sorry this was his response. You must be feeling rather set back. It is easy to say "screw him" but it is someone you have been close too. One of my friends years ago was rather pissed about it. I kept thinking "how could he not know?" I told him that I had to be honest with him because I valued him and wanted him to know the real me. Then he was upset that I had never told him earlier. He actually needed some time to sort it out and come to terms with it. He was eventually ok enough. Funny thing was we always changed in front of each other and hit the jacuzzi nude together. The first time after we are changing and he turns away. I was like "No Way, dude I have seen your junk a million times" Then he settled down and all was fine. He eventually was able to hug me at times which he had never done before. I say this because maybe your frinedship is done and maybe it is just transitioning and he needs time. Give it some time and reach out again. Perhaps an email or talk to just say you value the firendship and your sexuality has nothing to do with him. Hope it works out. Feel better. Oh, I also told my friend to ask me anything, I mean anything he needed to ask. That helped. He may not be able to handle it but good for you for being yourself. I wish you sooooo much happieness and peace with this issue. I know you are troubled.

 

[Infernal]

Being gay is such a small part of who you are as a complete person. If that 'friend' chooses to define you as just a gay man, then they are pretty shallow. Do you really want to be friends with someone like that ?

 

[NC_BBC]

Straight guys. If a buddy, you've been friends with a long time, tells you he's gay. How do you react. I only ask because, my buddy told me he wants nothing more to do with me.

He was never a real friend then man. Don't worry about it. The less people you have like that around the less you have to worry about fake friends, or people turning their backs on you in a time of need.

 

[Viking_UK]

Nimbus and Infernal have said exactly what I wanted to, but much more eloquently.

I was actually outed rather than doing it on my own terms, but one of the best things to happen was that I found out who my true friends were. Some people still haven't spoken to me in the 20 years since it happened and some were a bit off with me for a while, but once they realised that I was still the same person - just that they knew more about me - our friendship carried on. Other reactions ranged from, "So what?" to, "Can you buy me some cigarettes when you go to the shop?" and three said, "Me too"!

 

[luvmycock]

Straight guys. If a buddy, you've been friends with a long time, tells you he's gay. How do you react. I only ask because, my buddy told me he wants nothing more to do with me.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It sucks when people you know and turn their backs on you. I am actually kind of going through the same thing. I am in the process of coming out to those close to me but I have some reservations to telling some of my friends. I fear that when it all comes out, they may not still be there for me, and in that case i will have to realize that they were never really a friend to begin with, and move on.

There are two ways to go about your situation. A) Give it some time and your friend may come back around, or B) Say to hell with it and move on.

Sometimes people are so concerned with how they are feeling about the news they hear, that they may not be thinking about what the person telling them is going through. I hope it all works out for the best.

 

[KindlyJedi]

Aw, that sucks. How rude.

I wouldn't mind, personally. I don't have any long-term close friends, but if I did, it would be fine with me. Just don't drag me along to the parade, OK?

 

[XSILVER]

Told my straight best friend of 12 years (at the time) that I was gay and seeing a guy... his response... cool... want another beer?...... NOTHING changed between us except for the jokes.

 

[deleted556573]

My best friend is my biggest supporter....and fiercest protector. He's something of the "Alpha Male" in my circle of close friends, all of which are straight. Not a single one of them has a problem with it, but how he reacted to my coming out pretty much dictated how the rest of the group reacted. Honestly, I don't know what would have happened if they had all rejected me. I feel for you, OP.

Bottom line: if being gay bothers him, then as most others have said repeatedly, he wasn't your friend to begin with. Give him a little time to get used to the idea and if he still doesn't come around then move on. There are plenty of other people out there that WILL be supportive to you. There's lots of people on here that you can fall back on. There's a lot of good people here.

 

[ActionBuddy]

... my buddy told me he wants nothing more to do with me.

He wasn't a REAL friend, then... But, sorry for the loss you are feeling!

 

[DavidXL]

. . .I had a very good straight friend, our parents knew each other before I was born - so we'd known each other as kids. Travelled round Europe together when we were 18. At my "coming out" party - I'd invited about 20 or 30 friends over - he sat me down on his knee, and told me that nothing would ever change. He would alway love me.

A few weeks ago, we went to a rock concert in London. He has kids now, happily married to his childhood sweetheart. Idyllic countryside life.

He was right. Nothing has changed, except that life's rivers have meandered through the hills and woods some more, down through Time's flood plains, and out into the sea.

:smile:

What a cool story and what a great friend. (same comment to others in this thread as well).

 

[Catharsis]

Personally, the only local friends I have are all straight. They all know I'm gay, and some of them harp on it but always in a cheeky manner. At the moment, I can't think of any particular example. But we always joke around with it.

I don't know what I'd do if I had a friend who reacted in that manner. I'm very sorry to hear that. I do know, however, that it's best for you to rid of any toxic in your life. So if he's going to be sour to you just because you're gay, then you are indeed better off without him.

These days, people are generally becoming more tolerant of homosexuality, which is a great thing. But, it is a process, nonetheless. I say be who you are and hold true to it. Don't let any one else's negative opinion sway you. Let those people go, and hold everyone else who supports you very close to you.

 

[elklindoxxx]

If I were you I would call him on the phone and bluntly ask him what the hell is going on. Talk to him, he may be traumatized. Coming out of the closet is not the easiest thing to do in a society that treats gays as second class citizens.

So have a chat, invite him out to watch the game and discuss it over a few beers...

 

[Anyjoe]

Aqulion, Why would you want to be friends with ANYBODY that thinks or feels that way???:You_Rock_Emoticon: