Straight guy roped in to boy drama

[Dyspo Negero]

Am I wrong in this?

AITA, for being mad at him f**king his gf in the next room.

Now a little backstory, I am DL bi and no one knows exempt my maybe my (best) friend who might also be bi but with a girlfriend.
Now he might know that I am but he doesn’t know
That I know that he might be bi.
Now this friend as a girls friend but has been teasing me sexuallly through out, I take as joking but he really pushes the limit sometimes and it’s confusing seeing as if he is bi himself (he likes chicks with dicks)
On my side, I’m dying on the inside since I do like him but he has a girlfriend, I try to keep my cool and my distance and he himself might suspect I like him which why I felt like he didnt mention her around me, I felt he knew what was going on with me and pulled back with the girlfriend talk.
I do feel bad but it is gut wrenching to here about her mind you I had never had any romantic feeling for a guy so a lot is going on with me.
Now as time goes by, he starts to not pull his punches anymore and talks a little more about her, I die on the inside but it’s his right if he wants to talk about her, all the while still teasing me sexually, like dirty talk, groping,simulating felacio and so on.
I try to move on from from him by avoiding him and finding other girls to talk to but several times he has cockblocked me, almost like I wasn’t aloud to move on from liking him, I do greatly want a boyfriend and if I can deal with him I chose to move on.
Now this is where the problem begins, last Saturday I come and he asks me if I’m going to be him tonight and I tell him yes, he tells that he had plans to bring his girl him tonight, I tell him well I’m going to be here and so he doesn’t reply.
One thing I should mention is I’m currently sleeping on his couch, because we had plans to move out together, his room is a wall away so if he weren’t to do anything I would k kw about it, especially fucking.
Now I’m thinking ok, he is probably going to fuck her in his cad or something.
He comes home with her and teases me by talking dirty slightly and basically telling me to take a hike, I indirectly tell him that I don’t want to but I know that he knows that I’d be uncomfortable, I mean I can’t go to any other room except the one next to his room so naturally I’m not trying to hear anything (even knowing is bad enough) especially since in some level I do like him and genuinely it makes me uncomfortable.
Clearly he didn’t care, he went on to his business for 3 hours basically leaving me stranded with nothing to do.
The love that I had for him is basically gone, he didn’t have to come home with her and do that, he basically rubbed it in my face knowing I might like him and when I indirectly expressed to him that I’d be uncomfortable and he didn’t care, matter of fact, it felt like he was gloating.
So as it stands, I lost all love and respect for him, I wi t say hi, I won’t look him in the eye, I won’t talk to him and frankly I’m looking to get the fuck out as soon as possible and limit contact as much as I can, I’m not exactly an emotional guy but I have been having crying spells at random times( probably because if repressed emotion).
But am I wrong In feeling what I’m feeling, am I the asshole in this??

 

[alexsopim]

I'm sorry that you’re experiencing this situation. Obsessions can be true torments, and sometimes the pain becomes unbearable. For this reason, I don't want to judge your behavior towards him; it's clear that each person experiences their own situations uniquely.
Allow me a somewhat improvised metaphor: whenever I read similar stories, I think that if the price for warming oneself by the fire is getting burned, then it’s not worth it. I know, it’s a terrible metaphor, but it helps convey the idea.
I believe that a healthy friendship only works if it’s mutual. When one person starts to feel emotions that go beyond friendship, such as romantic attraction, that friendship ceases to exist. I know this is a drastic view, but I think it’s the truth. Unfortunately, from your perspective, I believe the situation is similar: since you developed feelings for that guy, your friendship with him has stopped being simply friendship.
You probably don’t agree with me, but if you truly have a feeling of friendship, the thought of falling in love with him wouldn’t even cross your mind. However, feelings are unpredictable and impossible to control.
In these situations, I often read about people who, despite their feelings, don’t want to lose their “special” friendship and settle for whatever they can have. I think this is just an illusion. Accepting to beg for someone’s presence is less healthy than completely distancing yourself. Feelings may fade over time, but the healing process is long.
In moments like this, it's important to adopt a healthy selfishness, or better, self-love, to understand what’s best for your well-being and spare yourself unnecessary suffering. Reason must prevail, even if cutting ties definitively isn’t easy, especially at the beginning when the wound is still fresh.
I don’t know if you’re still in contact with your friend, but I believe you have two options, both requiring you to close this chapter definitively. The first is to disappear without saying anything. It may seem a bit cowardly and selfish, but your well-being comes first. The second option is to face the situation and honestly explain everything you feel, without filters, and tell him that you can no longer be friends and that you can’t be close to him anymore. This latter option requires more courage, but you’ll likely feel better afterward and be able to turn the page much more easily.

 

[alexsopim]

There's just one thing I don't get. What made you think he might be bi? Because, as a lot of people have pointed out, there are straight men who have a fetish for trans women, but that doesn't make them bi. So, your reasoning doesn't really hold up unless there’s more to it.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

I'm sorry that you’re experiencing this situation. Obsessions can be true torments, and sometimes the pain becomes unbearable. For this reason, I don't want to judge your behavior towards him; it's clear that each person experiences their own situations uniquely.
Allow me a somewhat improvised metaphor: whenever I read similar stories, I think that if the price for warming oneself by the fire is getting burned, then it’s not worth it. I know, it’s a terrible metaphor, but it helps convey the idea.
I believe that a healthy friendship only works if it’s mutual. When one person starts to feel emotions that go beyond friendship, such as romantic attraction, that friendship ceases to exist. I know this is a drastic view, but I think it’s the truth. Unfortunately, from your perspective, I believe the situation is similar: since you developed feelings for that guy, your friendship with him has stopped being simply friendship.
You probably don’t agree with me, but if you truly have a feeling of friendship, the thought of falling in love with him wouldn’t even cross your mind. However, feelings are unpredictable and impossible to control.
In these situations, I often read about people who, despite their feelings, don’t want to lose their “special” friendship and settle for whatever they can have. I think this is just an illusion. Accepting to beg for someone’s presence is less healthy than completely distancing yourself. Feelings may fade over time, but the healing process is long.
In moments like this, it's important to adopt a healthy selfishness, or better, self-love, to understand what’s best for your well-being and spare yourself unnecessary suffering. Reason must prevail, even if cutting ties definitively isn’t easy, especially at the beginning when the wound is still fresh.
I don’t know if you’re still in contact with your friend, but I believe you have two options, both requiring you to close this chapter definitively. The first is to disappear without saying anything. It may seem a bit cowardly and selfish, but your well-being comes first. The second option is to face the situation and honestly explain everything you feel, without filters, and tell him that you can no longer be friends and that you can’t be close to him anymore. This latter option requires more courage, but you’ll likely feel better afterward and be able to turn the page much more easily.

Ok so the update is that I have kinda stopped communicating, I’m basically stonewalling him (not ion purpose) because in my mind I felt he was leading me on for a personal purpose, that being he wanted to see if I was truly bisexual so doing sexual advances to me was sure way to test that theory, I can’t beleive that it was all for jokes because if your so straight, what business do you have of trying to tease a bisexual guy unless it’s all a pretext but even still, it’s not so ethical and in many ways kinda cruel. This is where my trust for him as drastically fell, I cannot trust him at least as of now.
It is forever bothering me that he would try me like this, I feel humiliated, betrayed, sad and mostly angry that he wouldn’t have enough consideration to abstain from this.
Especially when I’m his bestfriend.
Another theory I had was that he probably used the sexual advances to keep “controlled” or under him, I remeber a few weeks back when I was still not talking to him as much in attempt to be with myself and get over him (only) and he would try to make sexual advances while playing sports (grabbing my pec) and later talking dirty, which felt like a desperate attempt at me giving him attention, which worked.
One thing that broke me was him bringing his gf to have sex which added to my frustration, although he has a right to bringing her home, again if he is aware of my feelings then him bringing her home is all the way fucked up especially when there is nothing I can do or there is no where to go. Still avoiding him at all cost , we Fast forward to last Friday, we are a group and we decide to go to the Halloween fare and I basically ignore the both of them the whole night, I do not communicate with them, I avoided them at all cost and he basically does this thing where he kinda places her next to me so that I talk to her but I still ignored her (not completely out of spite but mostly stonewalling)
Should I maybe indulged in bff’s gf, yes but not when I’m not ready and even less if my theory about him using me for sexual attention, or him trying to find out if I’m bi.
I am definitely looking to move out at this point, I’m done with this whole situation, I still love him as bff but I can’t get by the whole testing me ordeal, it proved to be that we are indeed not a match and my significant other would never do that and would never be this callous.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Am I wrong in this?

AITA, for being mad at him f**king his gf in the next room.

Now a little backstory, I am DL bi and no one knows exempt my maybe my (best) friend who might also be bi but with a girlfriend.
Now he might know that I am but he doesn’t know
That I know that he might be bi.
Now this friend as a girls friend but has been teasing me sexuallly through out, I take as joking but he really pushes the limit sometimes and it’s confusing seeing as if he is bi himself (he likes chicks with dicks)
On my side, I’m dying on the inside since I do like him but he has a girlfriend, I try to keep my cool and my distance and he himself might suspect I like him which why I felt like he didnt mention her around me, I felt he knew what was going on with me and pulled back with the girlfriend talk.
I do feel bad but it is gut wrenching to here about her mind you I had never had any romantic feeling for a guy so a lot is going on with me.
Now as time goes by, he starts to not pull his punches anymore and talks a little more about her, I die on the inside but it’s his right if he wants to talk about her, all the while still teasing me sexually, like dirty talk, groping,simulating felacio and so on.
I try to move on from from him by avoiding him and finding other girls to talk to but several times he has cockblocked me, almost like I wasn’t aloud to move on from liking him, I do greatly want a boyfriend and if I can deal with him I chose to move on.
Now this is where the problem begins, last Saturday I come and he asks me if I’m going to be him tonight and I tell him yes, he tells that he had plans to bring his girl him tonight, I tell him well I’m going to be here and so he doesn’t reply.
One thing I should mention is I’m currently sleeping on his couch, because we had plans to move out together, his room is a wall away so if he weren’t to do anything I would k kw about it, especially fucking.
Now I’m thinking ok, he is probably going to fuck her in his cad or something.
He comes home with her and teases me by talking dirty slightly and basically telling me to take a hike, I indirectly tell him that I don’t want to but I know that he knows that I’d be uncomfortable, I mean I can’t go to any other room except the one next to his room so naturally I’m not trying to hear anything (even knowing is bad enough) especially since in some level I do like him and genuinely it makes me uncomfortable.
Clearly he didn’t care, he went on to his business for 3 hours basically leaving me stranded with nothing to do.
The love that I had for him is basically gone, he didn’t have to come home with her and do that, he basically rubbed it in my face knowing I might like him and when I indirectly expressed to him that I’d be uncomfortable and he didn’t care, matter of fact, it felt like he was gloating.
So as it stands, I lost all love and respect for him, I wi t say hi, I won’t look him in the eye, I won’t talk to him and frankly I’m looking to get the fuck out as soon as possible and limit contact as much as I can, I’m not exactly an emotional guy but I have been having crying spells at random times( probably because if repressed emotion).
But am I wrong In feeling what I’m feeling, am I the asshole in this??

You're wrong for being as obviously self-involved as you are from the reading of your post, but that is your burden with which to live or to change. You already named the only rational solution to your dilemma which is to move out. After that, I would not merely "limit contact" but entirely end contact -- not because I think he is an awful person (heck, I don't even know him or his motives), but because you seem to be tortured by the relationship. Finally, it's irrelevant (and, frankly, immature) to ask others if you're "wrong" for how you feel or if you are an "asshole." It is only relevant that you decide for yourself the kind of person to which you aspire and the kind of people with whom you wish to affiliate, and then behave and act accordingly.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

There's just one thing I don't get. What made you think he might be bi? Because, as a lot of people have pointed out, there are straight men who have a fetish for trans women, but that doesn't make them bi. So, your reasoning doesn't really hold up unless there’s more to it.

Yes, I know that it doesn’t necessarily make them bi/gay but it doesn’t make them necessarily straight either, especially the ones with big dick fetishes.
But no that is the only reason, he would play gay also, (he would massage my pec sensually, he would slide his hand up my leg, he would talk very dirty to me now I know that some straight guys do it for fun, one time he got on his knees (implying he was gonna give me head), one time he gave me kiss on the cheek, he would stare into my eyes for a prolonged time, he would walk around in his his underwear (again ur so straight and ur doing that infront of a bi guy, showing off his ass cause he knows I love his ass), a couple time he grabbed my waist from behind and a bunch of stuff I blocked out.
I know for a fact that he know because I sent him porn (some not so straight) by accident one time.
Again why test the waters with someone you know is bi and not out yet(not ever), it made me think that he might of want to experiment at the very least but I got caught up.

 

[alexsopim]

Ok so the update is that I have kinda stopped communicating, I’m basically stonewalling him (not ion purpose) because in my mind I felt he was leading me on for a personal purpose, that being he wanted to see if I was truly bisexual so doing sexual advances to me was sure way to test that theory, I can’t beleive that it was all for jokes because if your so straight, what business do you have of trying to tease a bisexual guy unless it’s all a pretext but even still, it’s not so ethical and in many ways kinda cruel. This is where my trust for him as drastically fell, I cannot trust him at least as of now.
It is forever bothering me that he would try me like this, I feel humiliated, betrayed, sad and mostly angry that he wouldn’t have enough consideration to abstain from this.
Especially when I’m his bestfriend.
Another theory I had was that he probably used the sexual advances to keep “controlled” or under him, I remeber a few weeks back when I was still not talking to him as much in attempt to be with myself and get over him (only) and he would try to make sexual advances while playing sports (grabbing my pec) and later talking dirty, which felt like a desperate attempt at me giving him attention, which worked.
One thing that broke me was him bringing his gf to have sex which added to my frustration, although he has a right to bringing her home, again if he is aware of my feelings then him bringing her home is all the way fucked up especially when there is nothing I can do or there is no where to go. Still avoiding him at all cost , we Fast forward to last Friday, we are a group and we decide to go to the Halloween fare and I basically ignore the both of them the whole night, I do not communicate with them, I avoided them at all cost and he basically does this thing where he kinda places her next to me so that I talk to her but I still ignored her (not completely out of spite but mostly stonewalling)
Should I maybe indulged in bff’s gf, yes but not when I’m not ready and even less if my theory about him using me for sexual attention, or him trying to find out if I’m bi.
I am definitely looking to move out at this point, I’m done with this whole situation, I still love him as bff but I can’t get by the whole testing me ordeal, it proved to be that we are indeed not a match and my significant other would never do that and would never be this callous.

My advice is to cut this person out of your life completely and make them disappear. You shouldn't see them anymore; unfollow them on social media if you need to. I know it sounds drastic, but your mind knows what's best for you, not your heart. It’s tough at first, like going through a breakup, but it will get easier over time. Within a year, you’ll probably forget about it.
Plus, there's something that can help you move on faster:
The fact that he’s an asshole won’t make you regret letting him go.
I know you still see him as your best friend, but the hard truth is that he isn’t anymore, and there are two reasons for that.
First, as I mentioned before, you have feelings for him that go beyond friendship. Since you view him as more than a friend, it means there’s no real friendship left. You might not agree with me on this.The second reason is even stronger: the toxic way he’s treated you. From what you've written, I can guess two things. One is that he might have unresolved issues with his sexuality, but that’s not your problem. I mean, I don’t see why a mentally sound straight guy who claims to be your friend would tease you to figure out if you’re bisexual. Or, he could be a narcissist, which is even worse, and you should stay away from him as much as possible.Either way, when you look back in the future, you'll laugh at yourself for having a crush on someone so toxic.

 

[alexsopim]

Yes, I know that it doesn’t necessarily make them bi/gay but it doesn’t make them necessarily straight either, especially the ones with big dick fetishes.
But no that is the only reason, he would play gay also, (he would massage my pec sensually, he would slide his hand up my leg, he would talk very dirty to me now I know that some straight guys do it for fun, one time he got on his knees (implying he was gonna give me head), one time he gave me kiss on the cheek, he would stare into my eyes for a prolonged time, he would walk around in his his underwear (again ur so straight and ur doing that infront of a bi guy, showing off his ass cause he knows I love his ass), a couple time he grabbed my waist from behind and a bunch of stuff I blocked out.
I know for a fact that he know because I sent him porn (some not so straight) by accident one time.
Again why test the waters with someone you know is bi and not out yet(not ever), it made me think that he might of want to experiment at the very least but I got caught up.

So maybe I didn’t get it right. Does he act that way because he knows you’re bi, or did you misinterpret his signals as teasing when maybe that’s not his intention?

 

[FrankieGuile]

There's just one thing I don't get. What made you think he might be bi? Because, as a lot of people have pointed out, there are straight men who have a fetish for trans women, but that doesn't make them bi. So, your reasoning doesn't really hold up unless there’s more to it.

I disagree. It certainly does make them bisexual.

 

[alexsopim]

I disagree. It certainly does make them bisexual.

Sexual orientation determines attraction to gender, which includes the characteristics that define it as feminine or masculine. A trans woman has, in all respects, feminine characteristics.
The penis is just a part of the body, just like a foot can be, and for a str8 man with this fetish, I believe it plays a fundamentally accessory role in a trans woman just like a dildo. Being attracted to it certainly makes him less straight than other men but not enough to be bisexual.
I wouldn’t even say “bi-curious” or “heteroflexible” because, according to the definitions, it still refers to interactions with people of the same sex, understood as gender, of course.

 

[alexsopim]

Yes, I know that it doesn’t necessarily make them bi/gay but it doesn’t make them necessarily straight either, especially the ones with big dick fetishes.

I’d suggest getting that idea out of your head. I’m saying this for your own good because it won’t lead you anywhere. If you meet another guy with that fetish in the future, you might end up with expectations that are likely to be let down unless he is the one showing interest or curiosity.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Sexual orientation determines attraction to gender, which includes the characteristics that define it as feminine or masculine. A trans woman has, in all respects, feminine characteristics.
The penis is just a part of the body, just like a foot can be, and for a str8 man with this fetish, I believe it plays a fundamentally accessory role in a trans woman just like a dildo. Being attracted to it certainly makes him less straight than other men but not enough to be bisexual.
I wouldn’t even say “bi-curious” or “heteroflexible” because, according to the definitions, it still refers to interactions with people of the same sex, understood as gender, of course.

Save the lecture -- I could have predicted it. I disagree. It is certainly the behavior of a bisexual man.

 

[alexsopim]

Save the lecture -- I could have predicted it. I disagree. It is certainly the behavior of a bisexual man.

I have no intention of giving you a lesson on sexuality, as it would be pointless, especially if it's about a dull person like you. But it's clear that you could use some given your ignorance.

 

[FrankieGuile]

I have no intention of giving you a lesson on sexuality, as it would be pointless, especially if it's about a dull person like you. But it's clear that you could use some given your ignorance.

I have no need for such a lesson; however, you could use a dose of clear-headed thinking and logic.

 

[Dyspo Negero]

So maybe I didn’t get it right. Does he act that way because he knows you’re bi, or did you misinterpret his signals as teasing when maybe that’s not his intention?

I don’t know if he knows that I know he knows I’m bi, but he definitely takes it to the next level with me only. The thing is idk what his angle is, at first I did take it as teasing but the more I think about his actions the more confused I get, maybe he likes the attention but I get a little flustered when he does this cause I don’t want to give myself away so I ended reciprocating what he does, like a game of chess. Although I have a plan for next time, if he does do this again then I will give him what he wants and have his reaction, I really no longer care for his feelings or reaction so if he plays, I’ll play too and I’ll have some real fun.

 

[alexsopim]

I have no need for such a lesson; however, you could use a dose of clear-headed thinking and logic.

That's a typical response from someone without solid arguments, but it’s well-known that this is your job here on LPSG

 

[alexsopim]

I don’t know if he knows that I know he knows I’m bi, but he definitely takes it to the next level with me only. The thing is idk what his angle is, at first I did take it as teasing but the more I think about his actions the more confused I get, maybe he likes the attention but I get a little flustered when he does this cause I don’t want to give myself away so I ended reciprocating what he does, like a game of chess. Although I have a plan for next time, if he does do this again then I will give him what he wants and have his reaction, I really no longer care for his feelings or reaction so if he plays, I’ll play too and I’ll have some real fun.

Please, man, think of yourself and have some self-respect. Cut him out of your life completely; just limiting contact isn't enough. You need to turn the page. I know it’s not easy, but it's for your well-being. You shouldn’t see him anymore

 

[FrankieGuile]

That's a typical response from someone without solid arguments, but it’s well-known that this is your job here on LPSG

My position is logical and solid -- you just don't like it. That is your prerogative. The behavior described can only lead to the conclusion that he is a bisexual male. That is the topic at hand and not your recriminations. So, stick to the topic and don't be so distracted and scattered.

 

[alexsopim]

My position is logical and solid -- you just don't like it. That is your prerogative. The behavior described can only lead to the conclusion that he is a bisexual male. That is the topic at hand and not your recriminations. So, stick to the topic and don't be so distracted and scattered.

whatever you want...

 

[mitchellk]

Sexual orientation determines attraction to gender, which includes the characteristics that define it as feminine or masculine. A trans woman has, in all respects, feminine characteristics.
The penis is just a part of the body, just like a foot can be, and for a str8 man with this fetish, I believe it plays a fundamentally accessory role in a trans woman just like a dildo. Being attracted to it certainly makes him less straight than other men but not enough to be bisexual.
I wouldn’t even say “bi-curious” or “heteroflexible” because, according to the definitions, it still refers to interactions with people of the same sex, understood as gender, of course.

Thank you.