Suicide

[twista]

Recently, someone I knew commited suicide. To know the person you would NEVER suspect those thoughts were going through their head. But it really makes you appreicate life. I hope I never get to the point where I feel death is my only option. Has anyone else ever have someone close to them commite suicede or have you ever experienced feeling like this.
(I know this is a heavy topic and I'm by no means trying to play psychotherapist.)

 

[13788]

wvalady1968: No, Twista, I've never had that experience. I'm sorry you have to go through it.

:'(

 

[13788]

Tender: have i ever known anyone close to me that did it?
no.
i have had some deaths occur VERY untimely...ie friends in hs and such. i would assume it is sort of a similar feeling. not sure -- here one day and things are good, poof gone the next. sort of seems surreal. so tragic.

you asked if others have been there.
no i dont think i ever have been to the point i actually WOULD have did it. thought about it, yes. felt like it, yes, but DO it -- no. only raw fear keeps some from it. for others it may be a spark of hope... or the encouragement of someone they care for...

the thing is it is strange to walk around completely depressed, out of it, ect to where you dont even feel. so and so says 'hi how are you today?' you know, the usual 'im fine' routine, when really you are so NOT fine. if only they knew-- you think.
it just goes to show even when things appear to be ok, we just dont know what is truly in the heart of another person.

 

[13788]

7x6andchg: I have felt such feelings...a LONG time ago...15+ years.
It is not a pretty place to be. :-X

 

[13788]

str8_nnj: Suicide is one of those things that gives off warnings.
Someone somewhere simply missed the message. You might not have been the person the message was meant for, thus you never knew,or suspected.
But someone somewhere had to oppertunity to intervene,but simply didn't ...weither it be relative,friend,co-worker,husband,wife,parent....someone missed the warning.
He (she) had recent changes in either lifestyle,habits,
sleep patterns,eating habits,work ethtic, or a combination of all above.
I sincerely hope you don't take any blame yourself, for the shudda cudda wudda..etc etc...don't accomplish anything. Your friend didn't know how to handle it....
but human nature always provides a clue...the warning!
I lost a cousin, and a classmate. to suicide... the classmate I saw the warnings and didn't act on them...the cousin..never saw it

Intervention!!! and help the only answer.

 

[13788]

tracksuitboy: [quote author=str8_nnj link=board=99;num=1069700767;start=0#4 date=11/24/03 at 17:12:25] Suicide is one of those things that gives off warnings [/quote]
Not necessarily; in fact I would go as far as to say that no one would have any idea that someone is going to commit suicide.  The first you will know about it is after they have done it.

I have been close to two suicides and in both cases they came out of the blue.  By the sounds of it Twista, you are feeling somewhat shell-shocked by the death of your friend/acquaintance which is perfectly normal.  As you said, "you would never suspect those thoughts were going through their head".  You never do.

Regarding the two I knew, I can now look back at one and I know exactly why he did it.  I had no idea he was going to and there was nothing I could have done to alleviate his problem (without going into details it was because of a law problem which is something beyond my control).  As to the other, it remains a mystery; he was only 21, his father drove him back to college and that night he hanged himself.  He left no note and, as he was doing very well at college, we have no idea why he wanted to end his short life; we don't think it was because he was struggling with his studies.

Sadly Twista, all you can do is wonder why and even then you will be no closer to the truth.

We tend to view life as something which has to be lived, we always presume that something must be wrong in order for a person to decide to end their life.  That may be true to a degree but I am sure there are thousands of reason why people decide not to continue living.  As for your friend, I would comfort yourself by simply accepting that he/she wanted to do it.  It's not really an answer but it's the only one that makes any sense.

 

[twista]

Thank you all for your replies. And Tracksuitboy you are right you will never really know WHY. I occured about a year ago. I went to the memorial service held by the family, who was clearly torn-up. I've come to terms with it now, but I do still think about it.

 

[13788]

Jake27: Hmm...ur right, it IS a heavy topic, but it's also good to talk about such things. My lil bro and I have both tried to commit suicide twice. Didn't find out about the second time till a month later.

As for me I tried an old cutthroat and another time hemlock. (What can I say I'm a sucker for the classics.) Those were some of the blackest moments in my life. You try to get help but for me it was like my hands were tied. You'd give signals but never quite be able to say anything, and then wonder why no one saw it.

Needless to say....we're both still here and doing much better. But I do sympathize with those that've lost loved ones and the loved ones themselves. When you go through those depressions you truly feel alone.

 

[13788]

Xtrahungblond: I've also contempated suicide several times and one time at least gathered the materials to do it. Being a teenager and dealing with the hormonal changes and the reality or my bisexuality had alot to do with it.

Even now self esteem issues are a big concern and being well hung doesn't help as it seems being everyone's favorite sex object doesn't help build great relationships.

I had a friend that committed suicide after a failed back surgery. I don't think less of anyone that has compelling reasons to do it . I respect anyone's right to dealing with their own mortality as they see fit.

 

[13788]

Tender: ***as they see fit***

thats the thing though.
its sort of my idea that no one in that situation is ABLE to see what is fit.
when things are bad, its hard to see past "right now".
hard to make decisions based on what IS fit, what is right, not on how circumstances or feelings are at the time.

what is fit today, may not be fit tomarow for the same person.... but they cant see past the problems...and it gets too overwhelming to handle without help...

Tender

 

[13788]

str8_nnj: exactly Tender, Thats why I say there's always some sort of sign. The person is not themself.

 

[13788]

Tender: right,
i was very much not myself when i went through some of these feelings.
there is perhaps no way to know. and yet at the same time, there are signs. its if we see them, or think they are serious enough to bring to light. sometimes we avoid signs because we are uncomfortable, or dont want to bring it up... perhaps embarassed... or whatnot.
but at any rate, after a person does it, there are usually signs when loved ones look back...
that is where a whole lot of hurts start,,, BUT, IF only, and WHY didnt i see it....
sometimes one has no way of knowing if the changes they see in the person are leading to that....
everyone has hard times, feels down, or makes changes in their lives... so it is still pretty hard to see it coming....

Tender

 

[jdoe86]

They say it is a cry for help. From my personal experience it was just giving up on life.  I had people say "oh, you have so much to live for". When you are at that point in your life, there is nothing anyone can say that makes you feel like there is anything to live for.

 

[13788]

drambone: I am really impressed by everyone's thoughts here. When I hear of a suicide, it makes me want to love this all the more, even though this can be a difficult thing.

Geo, are you saying you have seriously considered suicide?

And tracksuitboy, your response was terrific as well.

 

[13788]

Xtrahungblond: I hear and appreciate the comments made about compassion when dealing with suicide. On the other hand I do think it's a decision one should be able to make for oneself.

The person I knew who committed suicide had severe chronic pain. I consider it selfish to expect someone bare up in such situations for the sake of others. I'm a big Dr. Kevorkian supporter. There is a need. Thanks

 

[13788]

SpeedoGuy: [quote author=Xtrahungblond link=board=99;num=1069700767;start=0#14 date=12/09/03 at 10:16:11]  

The person I knew who committed suicide had severe chronic pain.  I consider it selfish to expect someone bare up in such situations for the sake of others. I'm a big Dr. Kevorkian supporter.  There is a need.  Thanks[/quote]

My brother in law's father committed suicide last month. I strongly suspect it was because he was in such chronic physical pain brought on by aging, poor health and disease. It was just more than he could bear. I hope he found relief.

SG

 

[13788]

jerkin4-10: hungblonde...dude...i guess weve all experienced those thoughts at one time or another...some constantly...and others only for a nano-second...but dude...take stock in yourself...what YOU have to offer that no-one else can do...and be bold about it...write that stuff down...a list of accomplishments...[and yes you have some]...reflect on that stuff...if you are getting used because of your size...well...you ultimately have control over that dont you?...when you find someone you are interested in...you dont have to have sex with them right away before any feelings develop do you?...if being bi-sexual bugs you and is weighing on you...remove yourself from those situations...[you know what im talking about] and seek a 'life partner' not just a sex partner...someone you can share your gifts that only you can offer...there is only one YOU...dont rob the rest of us from what you uniquely offer...jeff

 

[Max]

My take on this is influenced by the story of a friend of mine. His wife was treating him very badly; he loved her but she showed scant affection to him. Several times he got as far as connecting the hose to the car exhaust pipe.

Ten years later he is married to a woman who very clearly loves him with a passion. He is a different guy.

I know this is not a complete answer to everyone who is at the crisis point; circumstances and reasons vary and in any case at that moment you aren't capable of believing that the blackness won't last for ever. But it is what I think of every time this subject comes up.

 

[jdoe86]

All I can say is, been there, tried that.

 

[jay_too]

Twista..

I have never had a friend who committed suicide; but my senior year in high school, a couple of friends were killed in a car wreck. I remember the shock and disbelief of the sudden loss, two idiots that I would never see or hang with again. I can still feel the pain eight years later. The first couple of years were the worst; I remember in a math exam suddenly have the emotions well up and I began to cry. The damn tear ducts would not quit and my sleeves were sopping wet; the prof asked if I would like to finish later. I finished the exam and blew off the rest of the day.

I had some guilt issues to deal with like: Why wasn't I with them? If I had been, would the outcome be the same? Why had I blown off Aaron on his wanting to go into the city to blade and celeb cruise the previous weekend?

But mostly, I just missed them; and I still do.

So I know a little of what you feel.

jay