So...if you could travel back in time, knowing what you know today, what secret crush would you visit, and what would you say to him...and what would you hope to happen?
My secret crush was in college, back in the late sixties. I was so unhappy with my gay feelings, I suppressed all erotic feelings. Fear, great fear.
In my first year away, in a men's dorm, I met Dave. He was such a stud! No body fat, great muscle tone, wide shoulders, narrow hips, and hung like a stallion. I was mesmerized by that astounding body, and his easy, confident way of talking about sex. Totally straight, I assume.
We became close friends...enough so that I was his best man a few years later. Then we lost touch. It always seemed surprising to me that he liked me that much; I felt so inferior to him as a man. Yet, there must have been something about me that was attractive to him. Probably just as a friend, but one never knows unless you take a chance, right?
If I could travel back to those days, I would gently share with Dave my feelings, my questions, my doubts, and hope that his friendship for me would be strong enough to listen with compassion...and my fantasy is that he would admit a similar attraction. Then, together we'd experiment with those sexual feelings.
I wonder how my life story would be different if I'd had the wisdom and confidence to follow my heart when it was propelling me towards Dave. I'll never know, of course, but the desire is still strong, and my sense of regret saddens me.
My secret crush was in college, back in the late sixties. I was so unhappy with my gay feelings, I suppressed all erotic feelings. Fear, great fear.
In my first year away, in a men's dorm, I met Dave. He was such a stud! No body fat, great muscle tone, wide shoulders, narrow hips, and hung like a stallion. I was mesmerized by that astounding body, and his easy, confident way of talking about sex. Totally straight, I assume.
We became close friends...enough so that I was his best man a few years later. Then we lost touch. It always seemed surprising to me that he liked me that much; I felt so inferior to him as a man. Yet, there must have been something about me that was attractive to him. Probably just as a friend, but one never knows unless you take a chance, right?
If I could travel back to those days, I would gently share with Dave my feelings, my questions, my doubts, and hope that his friendship for me would be strong enough to listen with compassion...and my fantasy is that he would admit a similar attraction. Then, together we'd experiment with those sexual feelings.
I wonder how my life story would be different if I'd had the wisdom and confidence to follow my heart when it was propelling me towards Dave. I'll never know, of course, but the desire is still strong, and my sense of regret saddens me.
