Tips Please

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by Act2_Begins_Now, Jun 10, 2007.

  1. Act2_Begins_Now

    Act2_Begins_Now New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2007
    Messages:
    497
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    Summary:
    Out of a bad marriage two years ago, found a friends with benefits guy but put that away just over six months ago. I'm ready to begin dating. I am more conservative than wild and am not the type to have one nighters (not that there is anything wrong with that, its just not me).

    So is there any way to tell what a guy has? When is it or is it ever appropriate to bring it up? What is one to do if you get to that point where you are going to be intimate but it is a disappointment? Wouldn't that be the point of no return? That sounds really harsh, but I am very visual. It seems like it is easy for men if they are a breast lover, its out there for them to see.

    My fear is a string of oops, I made a mistake.
     
  2. OmahaBeef

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2006
    Messages:
    1,037
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Darling...

    I don't think that there is any sure-fire way to tell.

    But I think you should remain your normal, conservative self, and let time dictate what happens. I don't know, But I am guessing, that you have an itch that needs to be scratched. I can understand that.

    The worst part about dating...is that you will have many, many more throwbacks than actual caches. I am never married, so its easier for me to say that. But nonetheless...I can almost bet that is what you will find.

    Stay true to yourself and your moral compass. Let them come your way...

    I am an Aquarian by the way ;)

    Take care...

    ...OB
     
  3. whatireallywant

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,587
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    I have had the experience where it turned out to be a disappointment. I didn't feel that there was really anything I could say so I just went with it. I didn't go out with him after that, but he never knew the reason why.

    And in this case, he had neither size nor technique. In fact, I'm not even sure if there was any penetration because I didn't feel a thing.
     
  4. Act2_Begins_Now

    Act2_Begins_Now New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2007
    Messages:
    497
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    I think you understand whatireallywant. It doesn't quite consume, but I wonder. Prolly cuz my experience with two husband who couldn't and one lover that could. My fear is that the odds are against me. I just can't imagine settling and for that matter doing trying a bunch of uh ohs.
     
  5. Act2_Begins_Now

    Act2_Begins_Now New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2007
    Messages:
    497
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
  6. OmahaBeef

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2006
    Messages:
    1,037
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    You betcha...

    I think that disappointment can come in a variety of ways, not just with sex.

    You mentioned being in a very conservative marriage for a long time? I am assuming then from what I have gathered, that you have been with 2 men?

    I am sure that it would be nice to be able to mold your perfect partner and PRESTO! But ohhhh if it were only that easy!

    Make no mistake: Dating can really suck. You will come across guys who completely suck in bed. (From what I gather, this is the majority) You will come across guys who are decent in bed but have utterly agonizing personalities.

    Dating is a numbers game: typically the more you do it, the more of a variance in experiences you will have. But finding a hung guy, who is thoughtful, knows how to use it, and has a suitable personality only comes around a couple times in your life.

    But keep this in mind: Finding what you are looking for isn't an equation to be solved. It just falls into place. As people often say: "They come out of nowhere when you arent looking and you least expect it"

    I hope I have helped...

    ...OB
     
  7. B_Bette

    B_Bette New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2006
    Messages:
    484
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    CT
    LOL That's a nice way of putting it. You could fill in the blank many ways.

    You will come across guys who are decent in bed but haven't had a job in 2 years.

    You will come across guys who are decent in bed but are kinda stupid.

    You will come across guys who are decent in bed but have 5 kids who monopolize his time.

    You will come across guys who are decent in bed but spend way too much time with their homies.

    etc

    etc
     
  8. Aplus

    Aplus New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2005
    Messages:
    554
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Ohio
    Unfortunately I think time, experience, and truly great sex can spoil the best of us. Once you've truly experienced great or mind-blowing sex, it can be damn tough to settle for anything less. Wouldn't have thought that years ago growing up. Maybe it's different for guys growing up. I know and believe it now though. You can't get to or find great sex or lovers without somehow putting yourself out there though. I don't know for sure, but maybe the key may be to not have sex with a lot of random guys, but to just maybe only date or have sex with guys who really really interest you. Going out with a guy doesn't obligate you to do anything with him sexually, no matter how bad he may want to. Sorry guys! I actually believe your chances get better if you can be more selective, and who's to say he won't be that guy. I may be naive because I'm a guy, but I'd like to believe it'll ultimately be easier to have sex with someone you really like, then it would be with someone your unsure about.

    Dating can surely suck! Don't think I could sugarcoat that if I really wanted to. Not all or every date is or has to be negative though. I think it just depends on one's expectations, picks, and mindset.
    I've had some good dates that weren't love or lust connections, and I can say I was glad I had them.
     
  9. Act2_Begins_Now

    Act2_Begins_Now New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2007
    Messages:
    497
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest
    This describes who I am. And my concern is that a man that I care about will be NOT such a good lover.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted