Trust Issues

[Lee_asian_091]

I have been in touch with a guy from another country for 3 years. I was supposed to meet him last February but it got cancelled due to the pandemic.

I like him and I find him sexually attractive. Needless to say, I really want to have sex with him but I have some trust issues.
When I met guys from Grindr I always wondered if that person is HIV positive or not. I know I'm a bit paranoid but it's just me, plus my cousin is HIV positive.

Would you guys be offended if someone asked you for a HIV test before having sex with them? Or am I just being crazy paranoid here?

Please advise. I really like this guy and I don't want to screw this.

 

[tito21]

If a guy that’s worth your time and is decent and isn’t after a hookup/one night stand, he wouldn’t be offended if you want him to get an HIV test before sex.

Heck, he may even be glad that you’re playing it safe.

If he gets offended, dump his ass, that says more about his character than anything else.

 

[MrTMT]

@Lee_asian_091
If the table is turned around, would you be offended if that was the case, if he asked you on this?

For me, when I met someone for the first time, it's good to keep practicing "safe" sex. Since you don't know if you're sexually compatible. Once there is a commitment in the relationship, it'd be the time to bring this up.

 

[Lee_asian_091]

@Lee_asian_091
If the table is turned around, would you be offended if that was the case, if he asked you on this?

For me, when I met someone for the first time, it's good to keep practicing "safe" sex. Since you don't know if you're sexually compatible. Once there is a commitment in the relationship, it'd be the time to bring this up.

No, if someone asked me that I would feel relief and be safer because I know he's playing it safe. I asked one guy I met previously. He was very offended. :/

 

[deleted1074483]

if you've kept in touch for 3 years and presumably been flirting etc then has this issue not already come up?

raise it with him before you agree to meet.

as for 'trust' i'm not sure you can trust anyone you've never actually met? Once you do you can assess and build trust with them.

but for sex, always go safe first and foremost - never trust anyone you don't know or never met - you could ask him to take an std test along with a HIV test before you meet - not guarantee but may make you feel a bit better.

And don't go bare until you're in a committed relationship - and only after you've both been tested a couple of times esp for HIV as that can take 3-6 months to show on any test.

good luck

 

[malakos]

Would you guys be offended if someone asked you for a HIV test before having sex with them? Or am I just being crazy paranoid here?

Having someone you want to hookup with take an HIV test won't actually show you whether he is poz or neg. You don't know what he's been doing in the period that the test is not sensitive to. You should assume that the guys you hookup with could have HIV and take the appropriate precautions.

 

[Lee_asian_091]

Having someone you want to hookup with take an HIV test won't actually show you whether he is poz or neg. You don't know what he's been doing in the period that the test is not sensitive to. You should assume that the guys you hookup with could have HIV and take the appropriate precautions.

Yes I always do this, that's why I don't really do anal/oral sex. just cuddling and jerk off.. I think I'm being too paranoid sometimes but I'd rather be safe. Once I got really carried away by this lean dude, he has one of the biggest dick I've ever seen. So I sucked him and I could taste his precum but I was too horny to care.

After we both cummed, I started to feel so afraid that I took a HIV test.

 

[MrTMT]

Just one thing I wanted to make you aware of, even, you're not likely will choose to do this, in the USA and other European countries, there are medication call pre-exposure prophylaxis, which you can take before engaging in "risky" sex. I heard many gay men are taking them for this purpose. There are side effects on this.

Yes I always do this, that's why I don't really do anal/oral sex. just cuddling and jerk off.. I think I'm being too paranoid sometimes but I'd rather be safe. Once I got really carried away by this lean dude, he has one of the biggest dick I've ever seen. So I sucked him and I could taste his precum but I was too horny to care.

After we both cummed, I started to feel so afraid that I took a HIV test.

 

[malakos]

After we both cummed, I started to feel so afraid that I took a HIV test.

Usually the chances of contracting HIV through oral sex are really low. If you have an an open cut in your mouth you probably don't want to be giving a blowie though, because contact with blood provides an opportunity for the virus. That's part of why HIV is more transmissible with anal than other kinds of sex, because the lining of the anus is very thin, and considerable friction in the anus easily creates tears that increase the chances of HIV transmission. That all said, there are other venereal diseases worth being concerned about. When you get tested, it would be a good idea to get comprehensive STI testing, not just for HIV.

 

[Lee_asian_091]

Usually the chances of contracting HIV through oral sex are really low. If you have an an open cut in your mouth you probably don't want to be giving a blowie though, because contact with blood provides an opportunity for the virus. That's part of why HIV is more transmissible with anal than other kinds of sex, because the lining of the anus is very thin, and considerable friction in the anus easily creates tears that increase the chances of HIV transmission. That all said, there are other venereal diseases worth being concerned about. When you get tested, it would be a good idea to get comprehensive STI testing, not just for HIV.

Thanks man.
I've read about it and I know it but being paranoid makes me uneasy, maybe that's something I should really work on.
Thanks!

 

[theplayerking]

I always assume people lie. Protect yourself. Use condoms. Go on PrEP.

 

[alpha_centauri]

Having someone you want to hookup with take an HIV test won't actually show you whether he is poz or neg. You don't know what he's been doing in the period that the test is not sensitive to. You should assume that the guys you hookup with could have HIV and take the appropriate precautions.

I agree. Most men who are poz lie about it, have no idea, or think that they are "neg".

 

[Brodie888]

A partner getting a HIV test does not guarantee you that he hasn't contracted HIV because he could theoretically catch it the moment after he walks out of the clinic let alone by the time he knocks on your door.

Your only protection is to protect yourself. If you are having sex with new people, you should always use condoms and if it is a particular source of anxiety you should start taking prep.

 

[Lee_asian_091]

A partner getting a HIV test does not guarantee you that he hasn't contracted HIV because he could theoretically catch it the moment after he walks out of the clinic let alone by the time he knocks on your door.

Your only protection is to protect yourself. If you are having sex with new people, you should always use condoms and if it is a particular source of anxiety you should start taking prep.

I wanted to take a prep but a friend of mine told me that it's not recommended unless I'm sexually active cause it has side effects, is that true?

 

[cnkckfil]

I don't think asking a potential sexual partner about their sexual history of STI history is a negative by any means. To me this includes STD testing as well.

It says to me that you take care of yourself, which means that you are probably don't have a STD. I think from this perspective your potential partner should oblige.

One thing I really want to emphasis is this negative stigma our community and society at large projects upon HIV positive people. I don't believe they should be viewed as someone who is undateable or unfuckable. If you educate yourself you will learn that HIV is not a death sentence. HIV positive people are living full length lives thanks to the advancements of HIV medications. Also, if an HIV positive person is undetectable because there medications suppresses the virus then the disease will not transmit.

I am not positive but have dated and fucked positive men, who took care of themselves. I am not going to miss out on a fantastic man because of a treatable disease.

My question to the original poster now would be this. What if he told you he was positive, then what?

Protect yourself always but don't stigmatize so many as there are many other STDs to be concerned with. Also view it this way anyone who has ever had sex period could have potential contracted an STD.

 

[Lee_asian_091]

What if he told you he was positive, then what?

Hi, that would be me, then the next questions would be if he take care of themselves as you mentioned previously.

 

[Brodie888]

I wanted to take a prep but a friend of mine told me that it's not recommended unless I'm sexually active cause it has side effects, is that true?

Don't take it now. But before you start having sex, you should be prepared.

If you don't want side effects, be consistent with using a condom.

If you are the type to freak out if you get cum in your mouth or can't say no to a guy who wants to bareback, then you are better off with drug side effects if any, than the stress or risk associated with the alternative.