[update ] what is the best way to rekindle a friendship with a female friend without being desperate

[Tattooed Goddess]

Oh and that nerd shaming comment is bullshit. I was dating nerds way before nerd chic became a thing.

My husband has a background in Physics, Chemistry and the maths. He's super nerdy, doesn't have much game but he's a sexy gentleman that understands boundaries.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Anyway, I ran into her at a concert for a pretty big band she is a fan of. I work with said band. We talked a while and I got her back stage. If she truly thought I'm a strange stalker, she wouldn't have accepted my invitation.

I forgot to address this part. Almost everyone would accept your invitation to go backstage. Extremely rare is the individual whose integrity is bigger than spending a small quantity of time with someone you would rather avoid to get something that individual cannot otherwise obtain for himself or herself, like backstage passes to meet his or her favorite band. If Donald Trump painted himself in poop and asked me to follow him into Cassandra Wilson's backstage area I'd go as long as he didn't touch me. I'd even send a thank you note the next day because that's just good manners. What's more telling is that she never got back to you BEFORE the concert when she didn't know what strings you could pull. If Donald Trump left me a voicemail about Cassandra Wilson tickets, I wouldn't respond because I would have deleted the message the second I heard his voice.

Now the true test. You made successful contact ( probably by positioning yourself someplace she had to pass). Fine. Good! You created an opportunity by offering her something she wanted. Did she contact you yet to thank you or ask to see you again? Did you dispell any belief she might have that you are just a sad sack who likes to look but cannot step up by finally asking her for a date, pr even just calling her to stay in touch? Hmm?

Somehow, I'm doubtful. Your pattern so far is to run into her, and then let every newly opened window close. And then ask us how to reconnect after too much time has passed to not be awkward, and then disregard any suggestion to just push through the discomfort. Because that's your real problem. What you really want to know is if there is a way to talk to her that guarantees she will get on board with your agenda; there is not.

 

[Anonymous420]

See? Youare just beta shaming me. I guess I should have followed up, instead I gave an Irish goodbye and left the show. But I never invited her before the show. I just said what's up.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Oh. I get it now. You are the most boring kind of troll. I fell for it, but no more. I'm putting you on ignore.

 

[MickeyLee]

it's not feminism's fault that women don't like you
the mantle is firmly on your creepy lil shoulders

 

[Anonymous420]

OTE="MickeyLee, post: 6327899, member: 338712"]it's not feminism's fault that women don't like you
the mantle is firmly on your creepy lil shoulders[/QUOTE]

Why did you assume that no woman likes me? It is feminists fault that I am being painted as a creep when I havent done anything to her.

 

[Anonymous420]

Also, I can't help that I'm physically unattractive. Women always assume a guy is a creep just because they're unattractive. That's just how they are. However, some, albeit rare, women give me a chance based on my personality. But I'm a bad person for trying to pursue a relationship with someone who actually liked spending time with me.

 

[693987]

Also, I can't help that I'm physically unattractive. Women always assume a guy is a creep just because they're unattractive. That's just how they are. However, some, albeit rare, women give me a chance based on my personality. But I'm a bad person for trying to pursue a relationship with someone who actually liked spending time with me.

You're coming off as super creepy for saying a woman who showed minimal interest in you and then ghosted you is your soul mate. You're coming off as an asshole for making sweeping generalizations about women and their behavior, in spite of women saying they don't participate in that alpha/beta male bullshit, etc.

You're coming off as creepy, in spite of me not at all knowing what you look like, nor do I care what you look like. I find people who participate and/or harp on alpha or beta etc male shenanigans fucking obnoxious, no matter the "role" they may be categorized in (typically just by themselves).

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Sometimes you don't know you've gone too far until you get a restraining order slapped on you.

A woman makes up her mind right off the bat if she wants to date you or not. Im sure if she were interested in you that way she would have shown it by now.

Just because a woman smiles at you, flips her hair, goes to a concert with you, etc does not necessarily mean she likes you as a boyfriend type person in her life.

You can't just beg a woman to feel sorry for you or be bribed by a concert to change her first gut instinct about you.

Attraction is chemistry. It's obvious the chemistry was not there or she would have made sure you were her significant other by now.

So far you've managed to creep out all of us. Thank God you don't have my phone number.

 

[rtg]

I really want to fix it. She is truly my soul mate. I know at one point she liked me to. I just want to know what I can do to rekindle. I know it is possible.

Listen to the advice of the other women here. I know it hurts... I've been there too. I think we all have. But you need to stop torturing yourself. If it's meant to be it'll work out... but it sounds like it's not. Move on for your own sanity.

 

[deleted924715]