Ok fine, I’ll answer seriously. Finding a consensual sex partner is easier today than it has ever been, no joke.
Go on Tinder, put that you’re “just looking for no-strings fun” and put up some pics that make you look hot and fun and normal and not like a gigantic creep (hint: pics of your bulge are creepy and don’t help you at all). Then when you get a match, message a couple times to see if there’s any chemistry at all and be up front that you’re just looking for a hookup. Don’t expect every match to be down for that, and don’t lead them on. Just be honest and if they’re looking for more, just pass.
Eventually a like-minded woman will match with you and you two can fulfill your needs, no strings attached. That’s it. It’s not complicated at all.