Worry for others

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by JacobFox, Jun 26, 2010.

  1. JacobFox

    JacobFox Member

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    You know, I have had it easy compared to many. By evidenced by my photo, most people would just assume I am a normal white guy. Funny thing is, that one of my ancestors was a slave owner. When my family tree was put together, it was discovered that he was my ancestor only because he had kids with one of his black slaves (on my dad's side of the family). I am directly descended from this.

    On my mom's side, I am half Dutch and Half American Indian.

    I am proud of everything that makes me who I am. However, I have a friend who I have known for about five years who I assumed I have told everything to but I guess I did not disclose the extremely small African American heritage that I have to him. When I told him, he stopped talking to me.

    I'm not pretending that I understand what people who have more black blood than I do go through every day. I'll never know that. I'll never know the pain that many of them go through because my skin is so light that no one thinks I am anything but a european white boy. But I always thought I was in sync with them because I was gay and knew what discrimination and pain felt like. But this gay friend who has some really out there fetishes stopped talking when he found out that I have African blood in me.

    So this has been a painful night. But, I know the pain I felt tonight is NOTHING compared to people who have to face this sort of discrimination every day. I can't say that I will ever understand completely, but I think the lord for bringing me at least an inch closer.
     
  2. dolfette

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    what a loser.
    thank gawd you found this out now rather than wasting any more of your time and friendship on him.
     
  3. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    What Dolfette said.


    ....and then my comment is "Knickers to folk like that,you're better off without bigots like him"
     
  4. JacobFox

    JacobFox Member

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    You both are sweet and exactly right. Thank you. There is so much more I want to say about all of this but I don't feel I have the right.
     
  5. Grampareg

    Grampareg Active Member

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    It does not matter if you got black blood in you or not. Therew is a lot of people with mixed race now.
     
  6. JacobFox

    JacobFox Member

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    As white as I may be, I am extremley proud and happy to have American Indian and African blood. And I will NEVER know how it feels to be people who are full blooded or appear to be. I just wanted to say, I can't know how you all feel, but the small sliver I have experienced was so painful that it hurts me to me to even imagine how much pain others go through.
     
  7. SpeedoMike

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    just be happy you have red blood and forget all the rest.
     
  8. JacobFox

    JacobFox Member

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    I don't know if I wish I could or not. I am a psych major and a Japanese minor...and I read almost daily about the sort of crap we all do to each other. I guess I can't understand any of it. I try to explore all of my heritages, and have been successful in some parts. But being a mutt, it tears me apart to see how all of the parts that make me a whole keep tearing each other apart.
     
  9. D_Sparroe Spongecaques

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    Jacob,my parents are Polish and the amount of people who witter on about the Polish coming to UK stealing jobs,houses,education etc etc gets right on my nerves.

    Well it used to but not now as i have as much right to be here as the next person.

    You see i don't have a Polish accent but a very English one so those people just don't have a clue about my heritage.

    I find people who have to mock others have something amiss...like manners amongst other things and would blow a gasket if anyone as much as said something about them.

    Sod em! They're just not worth it.
     
  10. petite

    petite New Member

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    I'm so sorry that happened to you! I don't understand people who think like that either. I'm so sorry that you had to find out that your friend wasn't really your friend. It's always a painful experience whenever it's happened to me.
     
  11. Sergeant_Torpedo

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    This is exactly the same dysfunctional prejudice as Albinos being horrendously murdered in Africa: the perpetrators always have some excuse. I do, however believe this racial paranoia is more prevlent in North America than say Europe. I am not convinced it is rooted in slavery.

    It also occurs to me that your erstwhile friend was perhaps looking for an excuse to distance himself from you because of some other issue, but to him racism is an "acceptable" excuse. It isn't of course. It is always sad to lose a friendship but perhaps it will give you deeper insight into people.
     
  12. Gillette

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    The particular pain you are experiencing is not something people whose heritage is visibly apparent are ever likely to know.

    I think in a way it hurts less to be dismissed automatically for your skin colour because it doesn't reflect on you personally (they rejected the race not the individual they never got to know) and the prejudiced person can be dismissed in turn. It's their bias, it's their loss. In many cases we wouldn't be aware of the rejection because there wouldn't even have been any initial interaction.

    You had a friend, you got to know each other and you thought they liked you for the person you are. To have that suddenly count for nothing because of your heritage has to hurt a great deal. It's still his loss, as you know, but because he was part of your life you'll have a lot of emotional fallout to deal with. I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't feel you need to minimize what you're feeling because you haven't been subjected to automatic racism.
     
  13. sc1969

    sc1969 New Member

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    I hear you mate, it's kinda wierd how someone who has experienced prejudice first hand by being in a minority group, can have a chip on their shoulder.. if anything it shows how superficial some of us can be.

    You've got the right attitude my freind - embrace every part of your heritage; for every bit of it shaped you in some way :)
     
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