Open Letter to my Friends.

Hi to all my friends..you know who you are.

I have been very busy at work, so have been unable to spend too long typing..

I am also embattled at home:
My daughter (14) has been avoiding school because she cannot complete her work. This has induced agressive behaviour from my wife.

My daughter has decided to blame her predicament on the fact that I return home from work late, so am unable to help her with her homework before either she or I are exhausted. She is struggling with "An Inspector Called" by J.B. Priestly and "To Kill a Mocking Bird" by Harper Lee.

My son (17) also needs attention as he has public exams in January. He tells me that he spoke to me the other night about an international exchange visit, but I do not remember the conversation. I leave the house at 07:45 and return at 20:00 most days. Today, I left at 05:30!

Both offspring have recieved must do better notices in their mid-term reports, which has again induced sullen aggressive behaviours from my wife.

I try to encourage both children to do their best, but my wife reacts so badly to their issues that it has a negative effect on their performance and wellbeing. If I try to make light of their issues and encourage them, she accuses me of not caring, which they pick up on, further reinforcing the negative atmosphere.

So, no sex for me until the kids are past university and married.

Can I really wait that long?

Sorry to be constantly moaning; I know that I am actually lucky to have my problems.

Last weekend I escaped for a few hours to my favourite place to relax http://www.rios.co.uk/
and then after a long walk to a pub with live music and real beer.

Thanks again to all my friends on LPSG.

Comments

I'm here for you HT. Teenage years are hard at the best of times. Kids need to learn to stand up on their own feet or deal with the consequences. As parents, it's our job to support them, but not our job to sit by their elbows and constantly have to force them to do what they should. In real life they'll learn quick enough that no one is going to hold their hand and that bosses tend to fire slackers.

The best thing I beleive you can do is let them suffer the consequenses of thier actions and you and your wife focus on getting to know each other again. Schedule a date night once a week or every other week if you can. Hugs and It will get better!!
 
hey ht,

sounds like you're being torn in opposite directions at the moment. and, it's stressful. glad you got a few hours to yourself.
 
hey ht,

sounds like you're being torn in opposite directions at the moment. and, it's stressful. glad you got a few hours to yourself.
 
HT, I have t agree with PSG here. Your 14 yr old may still need some direction, but shouldn't count on you to hold her hand while she studies. Do either of your kids have friends to study with? (We had study sleepovers and after school friends over to study which can be way more productive that having parents guide you.)

You are a fine man and it seems to me that you feel you have to take the world on your shoulders. Yes, you and the wife need some date nights, and I understand it might not happen. At least you are taking some 'alone' time which will help keep you sane.

One thing I have often said..."worry does not fix anything... makes nothing better and only gives you indigestion. If the situation is out of your hand,focus on something else to take your mind off of it so you won't have to worry so much. "

PS from what i've heard from you, your kids are good kids overall....this is a bump in the road...
 
FancyPants;bt42451 said:
HT, I have t agree with PSG here. Your 14 yr old may still need some direction, but shouldn't count on you to hold her hand while she studies. Do either of your kids have friends to study with? (We had study sleepovers and after school friends over to study which can be way more productive that having parents guide you.)

You are a fine man and it seems to me that you feel you have to take the world on your shoulders. Yes, you and the wife need some date nights, and I understand it might not happen. At least you are taking some 'alone' time which will help keep you sane.

One thing I have often said..."worry does not fix anything... makes nothing better and only gives you indigestion. If the situation is out of your hand,focus on something else to take your mind off of it so you won't have to worry so much. "

PS from what i've heard from you, your kids are good kids overall....this is a bump in the road...
I hope so,,,
 
prettyswinggirl;bt42437 said:
I'm here for you HT. Teenage years are hard at the best of times. Kids need to learn to stand up on their own feet or deal with the consequences. As parents, it's our job to support them, but not our job to sit by their elbows and constantly have to force them to do what they should. In real life they'll learn quick enough that no one is going to hold their hand and that bosses tend to fire slackers.

The best thing I beleive you can do is let them suffer the consequenses of thier actions and you and your wife focus on getting to know each other again. Schedule a date night once a week or every other week if you can. Hugs and It will get better!!

We went out together during the day two weeks ago.. It was great..walking, a pub lunch, but then home to the kids...
 
Thanks for all your support. My wife and daughter are at war over homework this fine Saturday morning.
My wife has been on anti-depressants since a few years after the birth of my daughter. She blames all of this on my voice, my daughters refusal to eat and my (percieved) refusal to intervene and support.
Things have gone from bad to worse since my wife's mother passed away. She was such a stabilising influence.
Anyway, blame never helped anyone.
Gotta go.
 
I'm so glad to hear you went out together. Losing her mom was tramatic as hell if it was anything like when I lost mine. Just try to take it one day at a time and don't look too far forward. Stay in the moment and do little things like giving her an encouraging kiss and telling her she's a wonderful wife and mother. Sometimes a little encouragement works better than all the drugs in the world! Hugs again!
 
prettyswinggirl;bt42467 said:
I'm so glad to hear you went out together. Losing her mom was tramatic as hell if it was anything like when I lost mine. Just try to take it one day at a time and don't look too far forward. Stay in the moment and do little things like giving her an encouraging kiss and telling her she's a wonderful wife and mother. Sometimes a little encouragement works better than all the drugs in the world! Hugs again!
I must try to improve the praise. It's hard when she's so aggressive, and if I tell her I love her she refuses to believe me. There are good days, but they are rare. Today's flash point is the piano lesson...another long boring story.....
 
Wish I could offer you more support than a virtual hug. It sounds like she's got a ton of anger and pain that she needs to work through. It will get better. Will she see a counselor with you if you arranged one?
 
She has already taken herself to the doctor, is on anti-depresants, has had talking therapies and is now on a course to get back into the workplace as well as having brain scans to find out the cause of migraines and double vision.

This situation has crept up on us since soon after our daugther was born, getting gradually worse.I guess that we have been so busy that we have not had time for each other.
 

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