Hello. I hope you're all well. This is just another waste of internet space I'm going to fill with my rambings. I'm not going to be around as much. Or rather, I'll be around but remain silent. I'm tired. That's the only way I can describe it. I feel like a shadow of my former-self. Not that I was ever anything but a shadow of what I want to be. I don't like to whine, moan or even complain, because I know there is someone with ten-times my problems. But in this case, I'm going to subject you all to a glimpse of me; my conscience, my fear, my love, my hate, my soul - some would say. I'm not religious or even spiritual. The thought of a supreme being judging my every move doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Beyond that though, I despise the concept of a god.
This powerful deity, with all the power in the world, chose to 'bless' the world with poverty, racism and despair (to name a few). Some have told me that he or she works in mysterious ways - that we are all part of a grand plan. A plan for the greater good. I have nothing against religion, belief or faith. I believe we are free to do as we wish. Believe in whatever you like, I say. The problem is, it doesn't work like that. If you don't believe - you go to hell. That leaves you with no choice. Heaven was created to house the good. Fair enough. Although the thought of being trapped for an eternity in the company of Grace Jones sends a shudder down my spine - I get it. However, who is good? If a starving man steals, is he bad? If you kill to save the lives of many, are you bad? In response, people have told me to think about it. That's what forgiveness is for, they say. Same problem - who deserves to be forgiven? Some obviously aren't, as they are sent to hell. Where does a god draw the line? If you choose to believe, we won't know this until we die. So, to answer this some people turn to the Bible. I won't go into that, but it's a hateful, stupid work of fiction. I could go on, but I won't. Needless to say, even if there is a god - I'll happily spend eternity with Satan rather than kiss-up to a twisted, cancer-creating being.
Slightly off-topic, but that tells you I'm not a believer in the afterlife. I use my own moral compass to guide me. As I see it, whatever way you look at it, we only have a few precious years on this planet. I want to live a productive, helpful life. I mean well, but I'm a failure. I'm not looking for sympathy or guidance - I'm just telling you how it is. The average child has done more with their life than I have and that bothers me. All that wasted effort. I'm like an inactive Batman. I have the cape, but lack the knowledge, willpower and ability. Current events have reminded me of this. I'm being forced to move. My lovely home must be left behind. As a result, I won't have the internet for a couple of weeks when I finally do move - just to let you know. I've tried to be positive, but everything seems to have conspired against me. Like my currently slow internet. I'm feeling a little sick at the moment. It's all in my head - which annoys me. My mind has always been sick and continues to be. I see myself for what I am. I've been told that one of my best qualities is my modesty. But it's not modesty - it's the truth. I actually envy the arrogant and their ability to be blinded by their own view of themselves. Likewise, even though I've just told you about my hate of 'god' - I envy anyone with faith. The hope that at the end, it will be fine. I'm stuck with the pleasant image of maggots feasting on my flesh as I rot in the ground. I refuse to delude myself into believing otherwise. Reading this back, I realise I may look suicidal, depressed or like I'm feeling sorry for myself. But, I'm not. Don't worry about that. :smile: I'm just having a little rant and trying to explain my absence - using religion as a way to do that. I apologise in advance for boring you all with this. ManofThunder, signing out.
This powerful deity, with all the power in the world, chose to 'bless' the world with poverty, racism and despair (to name a few). Some have told me that he or she works in mysterious ways - that we are all part of a grand plan. A plan for the greater good. I have nothing against religion, belief or faith. I believe we are free to do as we wish. Believe in whatever you like, I say. The problem is, it doesn't work like that. If you don't believe - you go to hell. That leaves you with no choice. Heaven was created to house the good. Fair enough. Although the thought of being trapped for an eternity in the company of Grace Jones sends a shudder down my spine - I get it. However, who is good? If a starving man steals, is he bad? If you kill to save the lives of many, are you bad? In response, people have told me to think about it. That's what forgiveness is for, they say. Same problem - who deserves to be forgiven? Some obviously aren't, as they are sent to hell. Where does a god draw the line? If you choose to believe, we won't know this until we die. So, to answer this some people turn to the Bible. I won't go into that, but it's a hateful, stupid work of fiction. I could go on, but I won't. Needless to say, even if there is a god - I'll happily spend eternity with Satan rather than kiss-up to a twisted, cancer-creating being.
Slightly off-topic, but that tells you I'm not a believer in the afterlife. I use my own moral compass to guide me. As I see it, whatever way you look at it, we only have a few precious years on this planet. I want to live a productive, helpful life. I mean well, but I'm a failure. I'm not looking for sympathy or guidance - I'm just telling you how it is. The average child has done more with their life than I have and that bothers me. All that wasted effort. I'm like an inactive Batman. I have the cape, but lack the knowledge, willpower and ability. Current events have reminded me of this. I'm being forced to move. My lovely home must be left behind. As a result, I won't have the internet for a couple of weeks when I finally do move - just to let you know. I've tried to be positive, but everything seems to have conspired against me. Like my currently slow internet. I'm feeling a little sick at the moment. It's all in my head - which annoys me. My mind has always been sick and continues to be. I see myself for what I am. I've been told that one of my best qualities is my modesty. But it's not modesty - it's the truth. I actually envy the arrogant and their ability to be blinded by their own view of themselves. Likewise, even though I've just told you about my hate of 'god' - I envy anyone with faith. The hope that at the end, it will be fine. I'm stuck with the pleasant image of maggots feasting on my flesh as I rot in the ground. I refuse to delude myself into believing otherwise. Reading this back, I realise I may look suicidal, depressed or like I'm feeling sorry for myself. But, I'm not. Don't worry about that. :smile: I'm just having a little rant and trying to explain my absence - using religion as a way to do that. I apologise in advance for boring you all with this. ManofThunder, signing out.
