So...there are two things that stress me out. One is women. The other is my job. I think I've found the solution to both.
First, women:
There is one thing I realize that I simply cannot do. That is care about someone other than myself. I've been in relationships before....but I keep finding myself thinking how miserable it is to have to spend time with someone all the time. I'm a loner, by nature. I don't want a relationship. I would love a friends with benefits, but I can't possibly see myself as ever being able to deal with the responsibilities of a relationship.
But I still want sex. I think I've found a solution. While all women seem to have higher standards for sex, there are quite a few gay men who any nice looking cock will suffice.
I posted pictures of my penis on LiveJournal....I think I can get a blowjob from a gay dude anytime I want...just put penis pics on Craigslist or somewhere and "I'll be getting head, under the rainbow" to quote Adam Green.
As for vaginal penetration....I can just fuck my fleshlight. They cost only 60 dollars. I can buy a whole bunch of them and it would be like a different sensation depending on which fleshlight i'm fucking. sure, would a woman be better....almost positively, yes. but can i deal with all that would come along with a relationship? no
Then, the female companionship. That's what I like a lot. I've been fortunate to know many cool girls. I've even dated one (the other girls I dated could not be classified as cool). I can just hang out or give them a call or talk on AIM. It would be like a relationship...but there's no expectation, and that's what bothers me about relationships.
As for work:
I am completely distraught. I have a 1200 dollar hospital bill that I hope will be covered by my insurance. Once it is covered. I can quit my job. My parents are driving me crazy. I can't stay here anymore. I need to get my own apartment. If I can secure disability, I can get my own apartment, and go to group therapy every day, like my aunt. I won't be able to live well, but at least I can work towards repairing myself into a functional human being instead of just being ripped apart even worse.
I can always try to get published as a writer. I think I want to start work on my novel again. Hopefully, things will improve in time. If not, then so be it.
The thing is I can't hold myself to such high standards. That's what's killing me. I can't be a success in the standard world. So what. So what if I become a parasite. Big deal. It's all about survival.
First, women:
There is one thing I realize that I simply cannot do. That is care about someone other than myself. I've been in relationships before....but I keep finding myself thinking how miserable it is to have to spend time with someone all the time. I'm a loner, by nature. I don't want a relationship. I would love a friends with benefits, but I can't possibly see myself as ever being able to deal with the responsibilities of a relationship.
But I still want sex. I think I've found a solution. While all women seem to have higher standards for sex, there are quite a few gay men who any nice looking cock will suffice.
I posted pictures of my penis on LiveJournal....I think I can get a blowjob from a gay dude anytime I want...just put penis pics on Craigslist or somewhere and "I'll be getting head, under the rainbow" to quote Adam Green.
As for vaginal penetration....I can just fuck my fleshlight. They cost only 60 dollars. I can buy a whole bunch of them and it would be like a different sensation depending on which fleshlight i'm fucking. sure, would a woman be better....almost positively, yes. but can i deal with all that would come along with a relationship? no
Then, the female companionship. That's what I like a lot. I've been fortunate to know many cool girls. I've even dated one (the other girls I dated could not be classified as cool). I can just hang out or give them a call or talk on AIM. It would be like a relationship...but there's no expectation, and that's what bothers me about relationships.
As for work:
I am completely distraught. I have a 1200 dollar hospital bill that I hope will be covered by my insurance. Once it is covered. I can quit my job. My parents are driving me crazy. I can't stay here anymore. I need to get my own apartment. If I can secure disability, I can get my own apartment, and go to group therapy every day, like my aunt. I won't be able to live well, but at least I can work towards repairing myself into a functional human being instead of just being ripped apart even worse.
I can always try to get published as a writer. I think I want to start work on my novel again. Hopefully, things will improve in time. If not, then so be it.
The thing is I can't hold myself to such high standards. That's what's killing me. I can't be a success in the standard world. So what. So what if I become a parasite. Big deal. It's all about survival.
