Although aware of the advantages of the single state I'm a bachelor by dint of circumstance, not by choice. During the past year or so I've explored the delights of online dating with a view to perhaps bringing the bachelor status to an end one day. It's been an interesting experience and one that's met with mixed results. There have been some interesting conversations and even one meeting to date, although so far nothing permanent seems to have developed - for a variety of reasons some of which are connected with where people are based, their work commitments and what interests them.
One thing I have noticed on one site, which shall remain nameless, has been the number of rather forthright approaches I've had from women who are clearly unsuitable. Now before anyone accuses me of setting my sights too high, I would point out that I'm not picky by any means. Far from it. However I'm looking for a relationship - not a one night stand - and as a middle aged man there are some things I can't do as easily as when I was a twentysomething. That includes burning the midnight oil! Furthermore I haven't got the time, much less the energy, required to resource a long distance relationship with anyone who lives more than about sixty miles away.
How have I dealt with the interest of these unsuitable ladies? Well, so far I've responded to their messages politely and courteously, thanking them for their interest but then going on to gently explain that I'm in discussions with someone else, I'm not able to take matters further with them at present, that they're looking for something other than what I could provide or the distance between us in terms of mileage is simply to great for a relationship to be feasible. Being a naive sort of guy, I assumed that the hint would be taken. After all, women are supposed to be good at taking hints - or so I used to believe. Not so with most of the unsuitable ladies in question. If persistence is a virtue some of them have got it! Having been refused in the nicest possible way, they come back again for more. Perhaps the fault lies with me? Maybe I should be more forthright in saying 'no' or, go against my instincts and simply not bother with politely acknowledging their approaches. However it proves one point - failure to understand that no means 'no' isn't a peculiarly male trait.
One thing I have noticed on one site, which shall remain nameless, has been the number of rather forthright approaches I've had from women who are clearly unsuitable. Now before anyone accuses me of setting my sights too high, I would point out that I'm not picky by any means. Far from it. However I'm looking for a relationship - not a one night stand - and as a middle aged man there are some things I can't do as easily as when I was a twentysomething. That includes burning the midnight oil! Furthermore I haven't got the time, much less the energy, required to resource a long distance relationship with anyone who lives more than about sixty miles away.
How have I dealt with the interest of these unsuitable ladies? Well, so far I've responded to their messages politely and courteously, thanking them for their interest but then going on to gently explain that I'm in discussions with someone else, I'm not able to take matters further with them at present, that they're looking for something other than what I could provide or the distance between us in terms of mileage is simply to great for a relationship to be feasible. Being a naive sort of guy, I assumed that the hint would be taken. After all, women are supposed to be good at taking hints - or so I used to believe. Not so with most of the unsuitable ladies in question. If persistence is a virtue some of them have got it! Having been refused in the nicest possible way, they come back again for more. Perhaps the fault lies with me? Maybe I should be more forthright in saying 'no' or, go against my instincts and simply not bother with politely acknowledging their approaches. However it proves one point - failure to understand that no means 'no' isn't a peculiarly male trait.
