Age Differrence in Relationships

[italiancollegeboy]

hey everyone

I was just looking to get some feedback, hear your opinions.
I am kinda in a situation where I am considering the oldest age of someone I
would date. What do you guys think is an acceptable age range and why? Do you think that if there is too much of an age gap, it won't work out?
I'm almost 20, and the person in question is 30...
I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I want to see what people think

 

[MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK]

Well, why not? I mean, my ex GF just recently married a guy 20 yrs older than her, and she couldn't be happier, nor I for her. Go for it!!!

 

[shr1125]

I don't think 10 years older is much of an issue when you're only 20. Were I 30 again, I would be trepidatious about dating a 20-year-old girl, but given they were mature enough, I believe I could get over it. The biggest age difference in a relationship I've had was 17 years (me: 32; her: 47). I say go for it, but realize that you will learn a lot about yourself during your 20s, and your needs and wants may change.

 

[Chase1600]

I’ve checked out those hot pics of you and do have a thing for Italians – so my advice is that you shouldn’t have anything to do with anyone over 70 - or under 65.

On the outside chance you ignore my excellent advice, I’d look at it this way.

How experienced are you? How experienced is the 30 year old? It isn’t a 10 year difference, at 20, if you are a college kid you are just beginning to have some experiences as an adult. At 30, how is it that this person is not considerably experienced.

Don’t you think it would be nice to share your experiences with someone who will be sharing your reaction to them – someone with similar experiences – probably someone closer to your age?

- unless you actually like bald, old, codgers with wrinkles.

 

[D_Passmoore Fearsomgas]

7-10 years would be the most age difference i would allow.

 

[Countryguy63]

Really, I don't think you should put an "age" limit, but rather rely on your interests and heart.

Take this scenerio, you're out at whatever activity that you enjoy (sports, hobby, bar, whatever) you meet someone that is very attractive to you and you guys hit it off. I don't know about you, but many, if there's no reason, don't immediately ask the age. So, for the sake of my point, let's say that he is young enough looking that age never really comes up.

Enough time goes by (few dates, days, whatever) that you know there is something there between you guys. However you somehow, through conversation, etc., find out that the number of his age is higher than what you thought you would like.

Do you then ignore the feelings and discard the relationship because of the number? I would hope not.

I think we all have an age that we have pictured where our interest would dwindle. But, if someone fits the appearance, and the personality, that we are attracted to, I think it is definitely worth it not to bypass because of the digits don't match.

Thank about it.

 

[hud01]

Each situation is different, but I don't think it is too much by a long shot. If you connect that is the most important thing.

 

[FuzzyKen]

This may sound confusing, but, my life-partner have been together over a decade. There is an eleven year age difference between us. I being the older at 57.

My Mother and Stepfather had an age spread of 14 years between them.

It is totally dependent on the people. If you share common interests and are a person who learns easily, this is what is important. Before meeting my "better half", I dated men my own age and I dated younger than myself.

The problems with wide age spreads happen over life-experience. I can remember where I was when Walter Cronkite announced the death of John F. Kennedy. I was in fact in Elementary School at the time in Los Angeles, but I have that memory. My life-partner had not yet been conceived. Yet, he is one who has studied enough to try and profit from my life experience and take advantage of it.

What you have to do is to simply see what you have in common and what you can relate to.

In music, I was a professional musician for many years. I tended to listen to instrumentals because I was an instrumental musician (piano, harpsichord, organ) and I have an education in that area. I can relate to many forms of music, but my education demands musical structure. This does not mean that I view things not meeting my criteria are bad, it simply means that I cannot relate to them as music.

I laugh and say that I am old enough to remember "oldies" when they were the top hits and I am old enough to remember when "I Love Lucy" was in the final years of it's first run. I remember television done by a process called "kinescope" and I remember the fall of the Berlin Wall. I remember watching Neil Armstrong walk on the moon in Apollo 11, and I remember the fire that took the lives of Astronauts Grissom, White and Chaffee. I remember the excitement of Project Mercury and the beginning of the Space Program. I remember the Cuban Missile Crisis and the incredible fear of a Thermonuclear War. I was there, I remember what it was like. In order for a younger person to do well around me they are going to have to have studied their history and have some idea of the time in which I grew up and the influences the additional years had on my life.

Again, things working depend 100% on the ability of the two individuals to relate to each other and accept their strengths, weaknesses and differences, while embracing the common ground and building a foundation based on learning by both partners.

 

[Dave NoCal]

My partner of ten years plus one year married is twenty-two years younger than I am. I guess it's good he likes older men. It's been good.
Dave

 

[NM8x6]

I don't think there are any steadfast formulas for age difference. I think as one gets older differences are less important.

 

[Tense0000]

I totally agree. Well said.

Really, I don't think you should put an "age" limit, but rather rely on your interests and heart.

Take this scenerio, you're out at whatever activity that you enjoy (sports, hobby, bar, whatever) you meet someone that is very attractive to you and you guys hit it off. I don't know about you, but many, if there's no reason, don't immediately ask the age. So, for the sake of my point, let's say that he is young enough looking that age never really comes up.

Enough time goes by (few dates, days, whatever) that you know there is something there between you guys. However you somehow, through conversation, etc., find out that the number of his age is higher than what you thought you would like.

Do you then ignore the feelings and discard the relationship because of the number? I would hope not.

I think we all have an age that we have pictured where our interest would dwindle. But, if someone fits the appearance, and the personality, that we are attracted to, I think it is definitely worth it not to bypass because of the digits don't match.

Thank about it.

 

[Hung-2-Low]

Im w/a guy 10 years older than i am and i couldnt be happier!
most of all u shud follow your heart!
but if the person is old enough to be your parent then thatz when i think it is a lil weird!
ultimately........
let your heart decide!
so.....
GO FOR IT!

 

[imminda]

I don't think it makes a damned bit of difference. And I apologize in advance for this, but you are young. You have millions of life experiences to experience. Dating someone older is going to happen. Dating someone younger is going to happen. And of course, you will date someone your own age. You will figure out which works best for you. And you can only do this by testing the waters. So, dive in!

 

[D_Doe_Ray_Mi]

My wives were each five years younger. I've dated and been in long term relationships with women 20 yrs younger, 10, 14 & 18-1/2 yrs older and everything in between. Age is no matter if you are being true to yourself and honest about how you feel. My dad was 13 yrs older than my mom. As above, at 20, you'll be learning so much about yourself in the next ten years and beyond that I'd caution about making a long term commitment with a 30 yr old. In the mean time have fun and always look for the learning opportunity in everything.

 

[deleted509196]

I think a relationship is to do with the people in question, regardless of age. For some it would work, for some it wouldn't. Some people would not consider it, but then they might be missing out. I just think age is a number. The best example I can give of this...
I'm 22, my boyfriend (of a bit over 4 months so far) is 48. If you just take those numbers into account, you might think "woah" or whatever, or think it's too big an age gap... but nothing could be further from the truth. The age is never a problem. He doesn't look his age, and he doesn't always act it either... but he is still mature. He is amazingly beautiful - looks and personality. We get on SO well, have a lot in common - not just interests either but general personality (we are both bisexual, for example, and that is having more in common than just "oh we both watch that TV show now and again" for example). It is the best relationship I've ever had (he said the same actually), and we are in love. We are so right for each other. If I had thought "oh he's too old" I would have made the wrong desicion, and vice versa. When I see him I see who he is, not his age. When I first knew him but didn't know his age I thought he was mid-late 30s honestly. It doesn't MATTER how old he is though, is my point, but of course it's interesting to know.
So taking all that into account - forget the number, and think about the person.

 

[badgirl22]

I concur with the rest...age difference is less important than having similar likes, dislikes, wants & needs. The man I'm crazy about is 14 years younger than me. In the short term this is no issue. In the long term, well, when I'm 60 he'll still be freak'n hot and probably want a younger hotter model. If I were dating someone 10-20 years younger than me and they were wanting to be with someone they could start a family with then it wouldn't work out as I'm in a totally different place. At the same time, I could be with someone my same age who's sole enjoyment in life was watching movies and that's not going to work out either becasue it's not an interest we share.

Wish you well with this. Just have fun and see where it goes.

 

[AM_092]

Age should not be a problem if you're both happy with one another! I think most of the time, it's that you're worried what other people think of your relationships (i.e. your friends and family). My boyfriend is 36 years older than I am and even though there are no obstacles between us as a couple, there surely are problems with how others feel about us.

 

[B_nyvin]

guys in their 30's are HOT

 

[Viking_UK]

People, their personalities and attitudes are more important than the numbers. If you get on well together and have a great time, what's the problem? I'd go for it.

It certainly worked fine for me. When I was 21, I started dating a woman who I knew was older than me. I thought she was 27-28, and finding out that she was 33, going on 34 came as a bit of a shock, but once I got over the surprise, I was fine with the age gap. It bothered her more actually. Anyway, we ended up living together for two years.

 

[michaang]

I'm actually seeking out friendship, if not a potential relationship with a manager at my job. He's 36, I'm 21. I normally go for guys in their mid to late 30's, and I always feel like I'm magnetized to him. Not because he's attractive or charming, but because of his pure good nature. Details of this are in the 'Manager Infatuation' thread.