Am i wrong is he wrong?

[billybones]

He is also wrong but a cheater and dishonest.,the nature of man....

It is absolutely true there is the male impetus to ‘spread the seed’. I forgot to mention that is why I have never considered marriage or commitment. We are males - I am legion; we all get up our silverback cockles eventually. I have exes that never admitted cheating on me, but I know I cheated on my superficial boyfriends back then. Maybe marriage should be legal only for lesbians.

 

[billybones]

Okay guys I get it.... wish I could delete this thread.

Threads of any nature, on a much-used forum, are always going to eventually jump the shark. Allow yourself some gratification that the rest of us have owed it in order to express ourselves because you asked a question to which we can all relate, somehow.

 

[Taken901_1988]

Um this was a while ago but as I was reading through the responeses and I was a little unnerved by the judgement hurreled at the OP.

Yes it was "wrong" but 100% understandable. If you keep quiet about it, HR situation should be fine. They are more than likely in an open relationship. All open relationships are different. If not he's probably going through a rough patch Wich is human weather you're gay or straight.

What you should ask yourself is how did/does all this make you feel aside from morally or legally. Emotionally. You all sound like robots without hearts. Being single and having fun sexual experiences shouldn't be shuned or judged. I am actually in somewhat of the same boat and dealing with ignoring temptation. Anyways I wish you luck and keep us posted on what happens.

 

[MisterB]

Quoted from @Taken901_1988

"Um this was a while ago but as I was reading through the responeses and I was a little unnerved by the judgement hurreled at the OP.

You claim to be unnerved by the judgement? Why? Look at the Title the OP assigned to his thread "Am i wrong is he wrong". Go further and read the OP's opening post. I linked it below and have bolded the salient points that again speak to the OP's quest with this thread.

Yes it was "wrong" but 100% understandable.

You are at odds with yourself here. How is it wrong yet understandable? Do elaborate.

If you keep quiet about it, HR situation should be fine. They are more than likely in an open relationship. All open relationships are different. If not he's probably going through a rough patch Wich is human weather you're gay or straight.

You are generalizing here. We don't know IF he will keep quiet. See his post below. We do not know what type of relationship the blowee has with his BF. We don't know if the blowee is going through a rough patch. We just don't. We shouldn't assume anything except what the OP has told us. You are simply rationalizing this behavior based on YOUR moral compass. How you would act/behave/feel.

What you should ask yourself is how did/does all this make you feel aside from morally or legally.

It's not your place to tell us, those who've chosen to comment, how we should feel, especially morally. That's for each human being to decide. And legal ramifications? This situation is rampantly ripe for all sorts of fallout. And none of it good. Many commenters have spoken directly to this. With real world experience.

Emotionally. You all sound like robots without hearts.

You are approaching this from a purely emotional standpoint. Workplace situations like this are looked at from a legal standpoint. Period. Your court of public opinion means nothing in this particular situation. Won't be considered when a decision by management to discipline the employee(s) is made. Legalities will be the driving force. Not emotions.

Being single and having fun sexual experiences shouldn't be shuned or judged. I am actually in somewhat of the same boat and dealing with ignoring temptation.

You are projecting YOUR current life experience. You are single. Great. Doesn't matter. Blowjob occurred in work environment. Single/partnered will have no bearing in the event of discipline.

Anyways I wish you luck and keep us posted on what happens."

so I need advice on what to do... so here is how it goes, I am working with someone that is gay (I’m obviously gay too) and he is a manager. He always came around me and asked why I was nervous around him, my excuse was “I’m a shy person” which I’m not I just thought he was cute. Anyway later on he asks for my number and I know he has a boyfriend. And so I gave him my number because I didn’t want to think anything of it than In case of needing my number for work purposes. Few days later, he asks to hangout and I was hesitant to answer so I just said sure. Then he walks me down the hall during work and ask if I could give him a blow job.... during work! Lol. So we went somewhere no one can find us, and so I gave it to him because I mean he is cute. Now I’m thinking of telling him if he should tell his boyfriend. Because part of me does feel bad. I know if I were to be cheated on I would be very upset. However, my question is I am single but I knew he had a boyfriend but I still hooked up with him am I wrong for it or is he wrong? Or both? And should I keep hooking up with this guy or should I tell him that it is wrong?

 

[Brodie888]

Do you know for a fact that your manager is cheating? Open relationships are very common.

 

[deleted824865]

I actually want to know how this turned out, did OP stop doing this, or did they continue? Do they still have a job? Is it awkward at work?

 

[Taken901_1988]

All great points @MisterB
The OP was reaching out for answers. They don't have to be judgemental responses. This person has never done this before and is having self doubts. Meeting selfdoubt with judgement has never worked out in my opinion. Yes my opinion as this is a fourm not a court of law requiring evidence or answers for court. Yes my answer was emotional - never said it wasn't. You lack emphathay. I know business is business. I've been in it for 15 years. When you fuck up you fuck up. But how do any of you know the relations of this said business or the people that work there. You don't. You are assuming just as much as my emoitons. Who's to say the OP would be the one in trouble? He has more sway in the situation as he is under this management. A superior is suppose to be looking out for their subordinates. So mutual self destruction is at play here - keeping it professional and making sure it doesn't become gossip is all it takes. BUT honestly if you don't piss off this manager then your doing your part. And you don't blab about it to anyone. Do your job as you would normally and leave your personal life out of it. The sex act wasn't unwelcomed. As someone that's had many sexual professional relationships getting a blowie is probably forgotten in less than a couple days - especially if the guy was so forward with it (he's probably getting it often). The main point I was trying to get out was theres more points to the story than just his job. He's going to have to see this person often if he continues working there and that can be emotionally difficult if the want is no longer there or advance turn to something else which is why I asked about the OPs emotions on the matter rather than his business worries of the situation. Because he'll have to figure that out if it all goes sour.

 

[MisterB]

All great points @MisterB
The OP was reaching out for answers. They don't have to be judgemental responses. This person has never done this before and is having self doubts. Meeting selfdoubt with judgement has never worked out in my opinion. Yes my opinion as this is a fourm not a court of law requiring evidence or answers for court. Yes my answer was emotional - never said it wasn't. You lack emphathay. I know business is business. I've been in it for 15 years. When you fuck up you fuck up. But how do any of you know the relations of this said business or the people that work there. You don't. You are assuming just as much as my emoitons. Who's to say the OP would be the one in trouble? He has more sway in the situation as he is under this management. A superior is suppose to be looking out for their subordinates. So mutual self destruction is at play here - keeping it professional and making sure it doesn't become gossip is all it takes. BUT honestly if you don't piss off this manager then your doing your part. And you don't blab about it to anyone. Do your job as you would normally and leave your personal life out of it. The sex act wasn't unwelcomed. As someone that's had many sexual professional relationships getting a blowie is probably forgotten in less than a couple days - especially if the guy was so forward with it (he's probably getting it often). The main point I was trying to get out was theres more points to the story than just his job. He's going to have to see this person often if he continues working there and that can be emotionally difficult if the want is no longer there or advance turn to something else which is why I asked about the OPs emotions on the matter rather than his business worries of the situation. Because he'll have to figure that out if it all goes sour.

Perhaps you failed to read my original response (post #20 in this thread). I pasted it below for convenience and context. First point I made to him was "I feel for you". And I do. Cuz he made a potentially career damaging decision. And not just damaging for the OP. For the supervisor. And the supervisor's BF too. If he found out.

That said, he's taken ownership by having the fortitude to post his story here, looking for feedback. Go back and read his original post. And then read HIS responses he received based on the feedback he requested. Seems he realizes what you don't--he fucked up. And now hopefully he knows not to exhibit such behavior in the workplace. If that's judgmental to you, so be it. It's what the OP requested when he started the thread. Again, look at the thread's title.

While I cannot speak for other commenters, my intent was to get the OP to wake the fuck up. He fucked up. It's that simple. In this case, IF both parties remain quiet, most likely nothing will come of it. But it needs to be a lesson learned for the OP and his manager. Both are culpable. Period.

Don't shit where you eat. Don't mix business with pleasure. While some may have weathered the office gossip and whatnot, I have first-hand experience dealing with those instances where they did not. And it's not pretty. Careers were short-circuited. People got fired. Yes. Lost their jobs. AND, struggled to put the pieces back together. Cuz that shit follows you. Forever.

One other thing--if his supervisor had posted this same story here, my response to him would have been even more pointed. I can assure you my opening remark would NOT have been "I feel for you". More like "WTF, you stupid dumb fuck". Cuz Supervisors SHOULD set the example. Period. He is who is the most culpable in the worplace blowjob scenario. But he's not who asked for advice, is he?

Oh, @Daniel A, I feel for you. You are stuck between and rock and a hard place. Your conscience AFTER YOU BLEW HIM (your brain head) is now at odds with your conscience BEFORE YOUR BLEW HIM (your dick head).
It's called remorse. You got a big case of it. I would advise you in the future to think with your brain head BEFORE you do anything sexual with anyone, especially in a work environment.

You've gotten some excellent feedback from many posters above. It's spot on. Don't fuck around at work. RARELY does anything good come from it. Before you do anything at work, you need to think: What's the worst that could happen if someone finds out about this? Like losing your job? And if you can accept that, then blow on.

In no way am I absolving your manager of his culpability. In fact, I think he's the poster child for sleezy stupidity. And don't get me started on how his partner may be affected should he become aware. It's just a fucked up scenario you've described. IF I were the partner and learned of this tryst you describe, your manager would be looking for a place to live. Immediately.

I managed people for 22 years. Yes, there were inter-office romances; when they went sour, and they almost always did, it was not pretty. There was always collateral damage. Innocent family members suffered. From the divorce. From the loss of the philander's job.

I'll never understand some people. So many oceans from which to fish, yet you each went after the easy catch in the small pond. Cuz it takes two for a successful blow job, right? Unless one is quite flexible, lol.

Regardless, the horse has left the barn. Make sure this was a one-off. One and done. Don't shit where you eat. Think with the head above your neck next time.

There is a personal characteristic that I greatly admire in those who have it, but which is lacking in so many. It's called self-control. You need to learn that skill.

 

[Taken901_1988]

Well now who's prejecting. Right? I can state my opinion however I damn please. Suck all the dicks OP suck em good with reckless adandoment n don't fuck it up lol.