BDSM for Dummies!

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Javierdude22: [quote author=sammygirly link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=0#12 date=06/29/03 at 17:46:51]He's very much a teacher, and since He taught me...well...it rubbed off.
[/quote]

I know youre no prisoner, that would be weird. It's difficult to collect my thoughts on this one, although i do have a strong opinion about it. ill try.

See, i know that in effect, every relationship has a 'spontanious' role of dominace in one, and more submissivesness in the other...or as you call it, the Switch. My point is, that those roles in traditional relationship come about 'spontaniously' like i said, and your roles are almost on agreement, outspoken. Although i hate judgemental behaviour, i cannot fight the spontanious feeling of 'outspoken roles being weird'. You say your BDSM thing is not only sexual, but more a lifestyle. To me that is more...lets say: out of the ordinary...you make it sound almost like a religion...also cause i notice you using capital letters whenever you refer to your boyfriend....He....His...the purposefullness in this is what seems so strange to me.

Hm...the rest of my thoughts seem to have uncollected themselves again, so i'll leave it like this

 

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sammygirly: [quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=20#20 date=06/30/03 at 10:02:32]My point is, that those roles in traditional relationship come about 'spontaniously' like i said, and your roles are almost on agreement, outspoken. [/quote]

Not ALMOST on agreement...ON agreement, although very much of it comes naturally, we absolutely have made a firm agreement on who's role is who's. That's what makes our lifestyle different and to some people "weird". I can appreciate what you're saying. Almost as if we've pigeon-holed and therefore limited ourselves, if I'm understanding. But neither of us FEEL limited - but freer, less stale.

Is it a religion? Perhaps it seems that way as any lifestyle choice does when a person is overly zealous about it. Is homosexuality a religion? There are those who certainly preach it.

As for the caps thing, that's just habit...a way to identify Him from me. You haven't read my website, but if you had - you'll notice the one thing I preach more than anything else is that we, as submissives, are never BELOW our Masters. Never less important. Never inferior. It should be empowering, not belittling.

I am totally appreciating your candor Javier ;D

 

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DirkDiggler: I am heavily invovlved in the BDSM scene and for me it is not some silly game about being tied up and spanked its about the exchange of power and the truly amazing feeling which comes from being a collard sub which is almost totally impossible to describe.
The image of amazonian women dressed only in black latex and weilding a bullwhip is something in the public imagination rather in real life bdsm.You dont need to be 6 foot tall and dressed in black to intimidate someone when they are tied hand and foot and naked,but what you do need is an understanding of what is going on in that persons head and how to use that power
having said that I have once had a bull whip used on me at a demonstration on how to use one without actually killing your victim and it a teeny tiny bit frightening to say the least,but its a head game more than anything else

 

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Lionessindc: Yhaee im not the only kinky person here!!!

IM a switch in Black Rose and while im not a masochist I can be one hell of a sadist. IM sub but i dont dom-i top. Confusing yes? Then throw on top im a fetishist (meaning i get off on getting dressed up and parading around infront of hundreds of strangers)

I fetish model and teach spanking (my first true love)

I have found with my partner the power exchange and him talking me through taking his dick into my body go well together. It takes a headspace for me to get that relaxed to take 9.5 inches (so im a whimp)

Yhaeee I like being out of my little leather closet!
Lioness

 

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AnonyMs: ..

 

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throb919: ...or maybe 2 brothers! (I get the gay one...)

AnonyMs: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition! That's as well-said as anything I've read on BDSM, relationships-in-general, or Christianity. Sign me up for your 2-cents' worth anytime.

Sammygirly, you already know I think you and Maximillian are very lucky. Congratulations!

Tony

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

Sammygirly, I've been accused of having 'a sick and demented lifestyle' because I bang guys up the butt, so who am I to throw stones? If BDSM fulfils a need or desire in your life, I say, "You go, girl!" You shouldn't have to defend whatever goes on consensually between you and your sexual partner. You've done nothing illegal, and morality is subjective and relative. You and Maximillian are lucky to have found each other. The nay-sayers are irrelevant.

 

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AnonyMs: DMW:  I do not think sammygirly is in defense mode here as much as she is in education mode.

BTW:  I am so mad at you and Mark for not letting the rest of us know about your radio gig ahead of time so we could all listen in    but I am sure I will get over it  :-*

 

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sammygirly: No, you're right Nony darling, I'm not in defense mode, but rather using the open forum to answer my expanding IM full of questions LOL (laziness was a virtue right? Check the bible Nony!) No, seriously, I welcome the questions and - welcome and respect Javier for his opposing opinion, or confusions if that's what they are.

Thank you Nony, for saying what I wanted to so eloquently and for seeing in us what you do. We don't try to be anyone but us, and we is in love - if that much comes across, I'm happy.

DMW, also thank you for your support...you know I'm a big supporter of the ass pirates LMAO

throb...yes, we are lucky and someday so shall you be I'm sure.

Um...and sorry my darlings...He's an only child, heh.

 

[B_DoubleMeatWhopper]

[quote author=AnonyMs link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=20#27 date=06/30/03 at 17:49:53]I am so mad at you and Mark for not letting the rest of us know about your radio gig ahead of time so we could all listen in [/quote]

I only found out about it a couple of hours before it happened. I barely hide time to shower, shave, whoop my hair and find a clean shirt before they called me! If it ever happens again, you will be notified .. okay?

 

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AnonyMs: [quote author=sammygirly link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=20#28 date=06/30/03 at 18:08:33]laziness was a virtue right?  Check the bible Nony!  [/quote]  One person's laziness is another's efficiency and increased productivity - and THOSE are definate virtues!

 

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Maximillian: Dee, thank you for the warm welcome, I read mostly and rarely post unless sammy brings something to my attention *laughs* One perk of being the Dominant one sammy speaks very highly of you to me and its a pleasure to know that she has been communication with such a nice guy on here.

Javierdude, thanks for your input and open-mindedness. However, I also have to clarify again, sex isnt the defining factor of mine and sammys D/s relationship at all. You stated "Acts of love should express love...trust should express trust" and I totally agree there and thats what our relationship is about first and foremost, besides being each others best friend.

After reading over Javiers posts, I think that the definitions of Dominant and submissive would clarify this a little more for him, they are:

A Dominant is a person with a dominant aspect in their personality.The One of the most distinguishable traits which identifies a Dominant is the basic "desire to serve for the pleasure of another". (Notice that the word sex wasnt included in that ) This aspect trait is shared by both Dominant and submissive though shown in entirely different ways. In a good or well rounded relationship this flows back and forth between both Dominant and submissive. The submissive is "giving" obedience and consent to the Dominant, the Dominant is "giving" direction and control to the submissive.

The submissive has a desire to submit to the direction of another person which in this community we call the Dominant or Top. Most submissives will have a more moderate approach, a stronger desire to submit for longer periods of time with fewer restrictions, limitations and requirements. Again, the "giving/desire" definition belongs here.

(Definitions partly borrowed from a website whos URL I lost by being too fast to click the "X")

Personally, I think those that do live the D/s lifestyle are more focused on the relationship overall and the simple things that make it a happy one. Not knocking nilla relationships at all, just my opinion from observations throughout the years.

Examine the credo of responsible BDSMers, which is "Safe, Sane, Consensual" and you can see that this is not something thats to be taken lightly in ANY aspect, whether it is mental or physical.

AnonyMs wrote "What is the number one key to a successful long term relationship regardless of flavor? COMMUNICATION." and I applaud her, because communication and trust are the defining characteristics of a D/s lifestyle. Without those, you have nothing and are treading on dangerous waters. *laughs softly* I know about the trust issue, I violated sammys trust in me early on in our relationship when it was actually still a friendship, and I had to literally bust my ass to prove to her I deserved to be trusted again. Anything worth having is worth working hard for and she was definately worth it.

DirkDiggler and Lionessindc, pleased to meet fellow BDSMers and your insight is going to be much appreciated with this.

DMW, I have nothing against the lifestyle you choose and your way of expressing the "tolerance" issue is exactly what I am trying to teach to others.

Whew, I warned you all I could ramble for hours on this subject *laughs* BDSM 101 by Max is now out of session :-X

Thank you all for your posts here,
Maximillian

 

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7x6andchg: Max -

When's the next class - apparently I missed this one - darn 8 am classes! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Seriously though - my opinion is, and will remain, that anything which brings people pleasure as long as it isn't a felony (assault and/or murder, for example) or doesn't have the aspect of mens rea that Anglo-American jurisprudence requires to prove that it's bad in its intent (which would NOT be something done consensually between two adults)...is fine in my book. I do not look at any sexual behavior as inherently wrong...we all have our buttons, our switches, and...as my mom used to say..."one man's weird is another man's wonderful"...

Those are my 2 cents.

7x6&C

 

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bustyredhead: I must admit, I am kinda fascinated by the whole idea, but I just can't wrap my brain around it. I need to be taught! About how it works, that is. lol

- Nene (Takes Out Her #2 Pencil And Notebook)

 

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sammygirly: Oh heck, lets have a BDSM summer camp!

"Counsellor Max is it my turn for spankings next? Please! Please!"

LOL.

 

[ericbear]

[quote author=sammygirly link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=20#34 date=07/02/03 at 06:04:14]Oh heck, lets have a BDSM summer camp!
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Many S & M organizations do exactly this, to allow newbies to get proper experience. One of the more interesting events is OCLA's sampler, held each year in Palm Springs. It lets you try out different S & M scenes with the help of an expert master, as either top or bottom. Here in the Los Angeles area, educational events and workshops are held by Avatar and Threshold as well.

www.ocla.org
www.avatar-la.org
www.threshold.org

 

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ceg1526: What anyone does in private that is safe, sane, consensual, and doesn't scare the horses is fine by me.

What matters is that you have someone to be with, that you're important to each other, and that you share.

Ceg

 

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Longhornjok: [quote author=DirkDiggler link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=20#22 date=06/30/03 at 12:20:11]...
having said that I have once had a bull whip used on me at a demonstration on how to use one without actually killing your victim and it a teeny tiny bit frightening to say the least,but its a head game more than anything else[/quote]

Wow, that sounds interesting! Where was this demonstration and who organized it? I am guessing it was not off the food court in the local mall.

 

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SpeedoGuy: I've flirted just a tiny bit with some bondage (and it wasn't really my idea, it was hers). I kinda liked it as long as it didn't distract from the main event.

As long as no one gets hurt or is uncomfortable, go ahead and do it.

SG

 

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sammygirly: [quote author=Longhornjok link=board=meetgreet;num=1056895286;start=20#37 date=07/06/03 at 14:53:42]

Wow, that sounds interesting! Where was this demonstration and who organized it? I am guessing it was not off the food court in the local mall.
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There are suprisingly, events like this one EVERYWHERE. You just need to look....