;)bisexual is better
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Javierdude22: Hmyeah...well...i think you just opened my private Pandora's Box...wait...i hope i just used that analogy right.
Anyway...
Better...for some yes maybeSo let me ask you: if you had gotten a choice back when you were 15....be str8, bi, or gay....would you have chosen bi? cause thats the thing, i sure as hell wouldnt.
In a clearcut kinda way, sexually oriented, one might say that it is better, cause you can have it both ways. But in effect, it doesnt mean you have better sex.
But back to the original question. I think it sucks to be bi, in-every-single-f-king way there is possible. And with being bi i mean the whole spectrum of being totally gay to bi-curious.
Look, for me personally it means not being content with myself, and not in a 'o poor thing, accept yourself' kinda way...but in a realistic sense that i'm thinking about it too much, and especially not being able (or perhaps wanting) to share it with others. But why am i not content then....
Cause, it means trouble along the way. Look, i can be crazy like hell, but i do have some goals in life, corny as they may seem. I'd like to have a hot girlfriend to marry, have a buncha kids, and be happy. The thing is though, that i'm not totally happy just with a girl, or at least, i get certain desires, desires id rather not have. I could never ever see myself ending up with a guy, cause it connects with certain stereotypical images of gay people, images i do not want to fullfill and do not relate to even remotely.
Hm, my story seems like a loose end, i'm not sure what point i'm making, i guess it's my personal opinion.
In short, i can't commit to a girl, cause these frigging desires i would have to locate elsewhere pop up once in a while (and being monogamous is not debatable to me).
Ill be an old spinner....(is that the male spinster?? ;D )
I dunno...
Anyway...
Better...for some yes maybeSo let me ask you: if you had gotten a choice back when you were 15....be str8, bi, or gay....would you have chosen bi? cause thats the thing, i sure as hell wouldnt.
In a clearcut kinda way, sexually oriented, one might say that it is better, cause you can have it both ways. But in effect, it doesnt mean you have better sex.
But back to the original question. I think it sucks to be bi, in-every-single-f-king way there is possible. And with being bi i mean the whole spectrum of being totally gay to bi-curious.
Look, for me personally it means not being content with myself, and not in a 'o poor thing, accept yourself' kinda way...but in a realistic sense that i'm thinking about it too much, and especially not being able (or perhaps wanting) to share it with others. But why am i not content then....
Cause, it means trouble along the way. Look, i can be crazy like hell, but i do have some goals in life, corny as they may seem. I'd like to have a hot girlfriend to marry, have a buncha kids, and be happy. The thing is though, that i'm not totally happy just with a girl, or at least, i get certain desires, desires id rather not have. I could never ever see myself ending up with a guy, cause it connects with certain stereotypical images of gay people, images i do not want to fullfill and do not relate to even remotely.
Hm, my story seems like a loose end, i'm not sure what point i'm making, i guess it's my personal opinion.
In short, i can't commit to a girl, cause these frigging desires i would have to locate elsewhere pop up once in a while (and being monogamous is not debatable to me).
Ill be an old spinner....(is that the male spinster?? ;D )
I dunno...
tott666: [quote author=Javierdude23 link=board=meetgreet;num=1056566246;start=0#1 date=06/25/03 at 11:55:12]I could never ever see myself ending up with a guy, cause it connects with certain stereotypical images of gay people, images i do not want to fullfill and do not relate to even remotely.
Ill be an old spinner....(is that the male spinster?? ;D )
I dunno...
[/quote]
Well... I am aware of the fact that gayness (and male bisexuality) is not desirable in our culture. (At least not the Western culture.)
Even fullfledged, hardcore, open gays will still have the notion that gay=bad imbedded deep inside them I think. It's unavoidable. Gays are freaks, weak, not normal, perverts; it's embedded in our schemes.
We might be intelligent and rational enough to realise it's garbage, but it's still there... No matter how hard we try to push it away.
Of course, realising it is a cultural thing is the first step away from being controlled by it. But do we ever get free from our heritage?
I don't hesitate to tell people I'm gay, but am I proud? Maybe in a defiant way, not deep inside. Unfortunately. But then again, how many straight people are proud of being straight?
I don't want to feel proud, I just want to feel normal.
Ill be an old spinner....(is that the male spinster?? ;D )
I dunno...
[/quote]
Well... I am aware of the fact that gayness (and male bisexuality) is not desirable in our culture. (At least not the Western culture.)
Even fullfledged, hardcore, open gays will still have the notion that gay=bad imbedded deep inside them I think. It's unavoidable. Gays are freaks, weak, not normal, perverts; it's embedded in our schemes.
We might be intelligent and rational enough to realise it's garbage, but it's still there... No matter how hard we try to push it away.
Of course, realising it is a cultural thing is the first step away from being controlled by it. But do we ever get free from our heritage?
I don't hesitate to tell people I'm gay, but am I proud? Maybe in a defiant way, not deep inside. Unfortunately. But then again, how many straight people are proud of being straight?
I don't want to feel proud, I just want to feel normal.
norseman: Wow, there are two contrasting views.
Geo, I'm glad that you're content with your "bi-ness". I too think that being bi is a good and even a very natural thing. In another time and place where being promiscuous didn't carry a possible death sentence, sampling everything that was out there was probably great fun. (and a full time job !). Enjoy, but be careful.
Javierdude, I sense you have a conscience. Good for you. Sorry that its causing you so much heartache and frustration. I'm still searching too, and I'm a lot older than you are. What I have come to realize though is that I believe in fidelity as an important part of a relationship. Straight people and some gay people traditionally commit to a relationship with one person of one sex. Doesn't mean that any of them stop looking, stop noticing, or stop feeling, but the bond they make with that one person is strong enought to keep their libidos in check. (Ok, everyone, I know that this is only the way its SUPPOSED to work.) I dont' see that bisexuality is any different in that respect. If you really want to find a woman to spend the rest of your life and your dick with and settle down and have the house, the kids, and the picket fence, then go for it. Focus on that. With the right person, that's all that will be important. You may look, notice and have feelings for others, that's normal....but if you get it right, you won't want to mess up what you've got, and what you've got will be just fine.
Yikes, this ended up sounding really mushy. I guess that in summary, we are, or should be, more than just big dicks and randy libidos.
Geo, I'm glad that you're content with your "bi-ness". I too think that being bi is a good and even a very natural thing. In another time and place where being promiscuous didn't carry a possible death sentence, sampling everything that was out there was probably great fun. (and a full time job !). Enjoy, but be careful.
Javierdude, I sense you have a conscience. Good for you. Sorry that its causing you so much heartache and frustration. I'm still searching too, and I'm a lot older than you are. What I have come to realize though is that I believe in fidelity as an important part of a relationship. Straight people and some gay people traditionally commit to a relationship with one person of one sex. Doesn't mean that any of them stop looking, stop noticing, or stop feeling, but the bond they make with that one person is strong enought to keep their libidos in check. (Ok, everyone, I know that this is only the way its SUPPOSED to work.) I dont' see that bisexuality is any different in that respect. If you really want to find a woman to spend the rest of your life and your dick with and settle down and have the house, the kids, and the picket fence, then go for it. Focus on that. With the right person, that's all that will be important. You may look, notice and have feelings for others, that's normal....but if you get it right, you won't want to mess up what you've got, and what you've got will be just fine.
Yikes, this ended up sounding really mushy. I guess that in summary, we are, or should be, more than just big dicks and randy libidos.
[quote author=tott666 link=board=meetgreet;num=1056566246;start=0#2 date=06/25/03 at 13:16:40]I don't hesitate to tell people I'm gay, but am I proud? Maybe in a defiant way, not deep inside.I don't want to feel proud, I just want to feel normal.[/quote]
I've dealt with this situation even on earlier incarnations of this board. What's my feeling on Gay Pride? AmI 'proud' to be gay? No; I'm not proud or ashamed of it. I don't attach those feelings to something over which I have no control. So, what do I feel pride in about being gay? I'm proud to have the courage to live openly and not have to hide in the closet. I take pride in my accomplishments; in today's society, proclaiming one's sexuality can be quite an accomplishment. Mind you, I'm not an activist by any means. I don't think you can win acceptance by rubbing in peoples' faces something they may find distasteful. But I can feel comfortable and proud about not lying or hiding my sexual identity.
Do I think it's "better" to be bisexual? No. No sexual orientation is inherently superior to the others.
I've dealt with this situation even on earlier incarnations of this board. What's my feeling on Gay Pride? AmI 'proud' to be gay? No; I'm not proud or ashamed of it. I don't attach those feelings to something over which I have no control. So, what do I feel pride in about being gay? I'm proud to have the courage to live openly and not have to hide in the closet. I take pride in my accomplishments; in today's society, proclaiming one's sexuality can be quite an accomplishment. Mind you, I'm not an activist by any means. I don't think you can win acceptance by rubbing in peoples' faces something they may find distasteful. But I can feel comfortable and proud about not lying or hiding my sexual identity.
Do I think it's "better" to be bisexual? No. No sexual orientation is inherently superior to the others.
blo1988: Ok...this is definitely hot water. I hope that I don't get burned...
I can relate to what Jav is writing about. I suffered enormously from internal conflicts about my sexuality. In my teens and early 20's I had "experiences" that I largely rationalized. I typically allowed myself to be in situations in which I could have a sexual experience with a man without really assuming responsibility for pursuing it.
Eventually I married. Even had a friend (who had given me more than one blow job) ask me if I might be gay or bi. I dismissed it entirely.
Eventually I fell in love with my best friend in medical school. I was absolutely tortured by the emerging awareness of my profound conflicts. I was married to a woman that I thought that I had been in love with.....only to find out what love could mean.
I was devastated. I was basically suicidal for a bit. Thankfully I had the opportunity to get professional help in sorting out the depth of my conflicted feelings.
The point of writing this to you Javiar is to tell you that you are not alone in your conflict. Sometimes that is the only thing that someone can say. We each have to find our way.
I had very negative images about "gayness", about the consequences of being married to a man vs a woman about the impact on one's family life, social life, professional life,etc.
Well, I can tell you now that sorting out these fundamental issues of self esteem and personal identity were probably the best things to ever happen to me. It has absolutely been a blessing. I am more successful, by almost any measure, than I ever imagined.
But it sure as hell didn't feel like it as I was charting those waters early on. You are at an age when family, personal and social expectations weigh more heavily on one's mind than you may even realize.
I believe that part of the problem in sorting out these issues is that the labels are heavily valanced;e.g., gay=sissy=bad. bisexual=confused=bad, etc. Well, it isn't as simple as that, but we internalize those feelings as though it is. The other part of the problem is that labels are used as shorthand explanations of identity. They can give us comfort. But in reality they don't work for A LOT of people. Many more than you may realize. I have written in another string that fixing one sink won't make you a plumber, cooking a few great meals won't make you a gormand, and sucking even a few dicks doesn't make you gay.
But it if very fucking interesting that many folks want to assign sexual labels more quickly than virtually any other.
It is an indirect reflaction about societal anxiety regarding these issues. And you are resonating with that anxiety.
But if you are going to get yourself off that cross you may have to stop thinking in terms of labels and think in terms of individuals.
A mentor of mine, who also happens to be an adolescent psychiatrist, oferred me this insight once and I think that it is worth sharing.... A critical sign of self-integration is the ability to recognize and accept genuine intimacy where you find it.
This is much more difficult ultimately than sorting out WHAT to do with your dick. That is why my LPSG notes to younger guys encourages them to believe in themselves and follow their noses. If you are made of basically good stuff, then your nose will lead you to where YOU need to be. You will be happier and more successful for it.
My biggest regret is that my own self-awareness didn't emerge earlier. But,that was MY path.
I am sorry that I haven't really done this topic justice.
Please, try not to hang yourself on any crosses. You have many options...and you can make the one that works best for you work.
Please excuse the length of the post.
I can relate to what Jav is writing about. I suffered enormously from internal conflicts about my sexuality. In my teens and early 20's I had "experiences" that I largely rationalized. I typically allowed myself to be in situations in which I could have a sexual experience with a man without really assuming responsibility for pursuing it.
Eventually I married. Even had a friend (who had given me more than one blow job) ask me if I might be gay or bi. I dismissed it entirely.
Eventually I fell in love with my best friend in medical school. I was absolutely tortured by the emerging awareness of my profound conflicts. I was married to a woman that I thought that I had been in love with.....only to find out what love could mean.
I was devastated. I was basically suicidal for a bit. Thankfully I had the opportunity to get professional help in sorting out the depth of my conflicted feelings.
The point of writing this to you Javiar is to tell you that you are not alone in your conflict. Sometimes that is the only thing that someone can say. We each have to find our way.
I had very negative images about "gayness", about the consequences of being married to a man vs a woman about the impact on one's family life, social life, professional life,etc.
Well, I can tell you now that sorting out these fundamental issues of self esteem and personal identity were probably the best things to ever happen to me. It has absolutely been a blessing. I am more successful, by almost any measure, than I ever imagined.
But it sure as hell didn't feel like it as I was charting those waters early on. You are at an age when family, personal and social expectations weigh more heavily on one's mind than you may even realize.
I believe that part of the problem in sorting out these issues is that the labels are heavily valanced;e.g., gay=sissy=bad. bisexual=confused=bad, etc. Well, it isn't as simple as that, but we internalize those feelings as though it is. The other part of the problem is that labels are used as shorthand explanations of identity. They can give us comfort. But in reality they don't work for A LOT of people. Many more than you may realize. I have written in another string that fixing one sink won't make you a plumber, cooking a few great meals won't make you a gormand, and sucking even a few dicks doesn't make you gay.
But it if very fucking interesting that many folks want to assign sexual labels more quickly than virtually any other.
It is an indirect reflaction about societal anxiety regarding these issues. And you are resonating with that anxiety.
But if you are going to get yourself off that cross you may have to stop thinking in terms of labels and think in terms of individuals.
A mentor of mine, who also happens to be an adolescent psychiatrist, oferred me this insight once and I think that it is worth sharing.... A critical sign of self-integration is the ability to recognize and accept genuine intimacy where you find it.
This is much more difficult ultimately than sorting out WHAT to do with your dick. That is why my LPSG notes to younger guys encourages them to believe in themselves and follow their noses. If you are made of basically good stuff, then your nose will lead you to where YOU need to be. You will be happier and more successful for it.
My biggest regret is that my own self-awareness didn't emerge earlier. But,that was MY path.
I am sorry that I haven't really done this topic justice.
Please, try not to hang yourself on any crosses. You have many options...and you can make the one that works best for you work.
Please excuse the length of the post.
- jonb,
[quote author=DoubleMeatWhopper link=board=meetgreet;num=1056566246;start=0#4 date=06/25/03 at 15:30:57]
Do I think it's "better" to be bisexual? No. No sexual orientation is inherently superior to the others.
[/quote]
It's like handedness. (In fact, the stories of prison sodomy confirm that orientation is like handedness.) Now, just because I write and use my mouse with my left hand while cutting a steak and signing (I can sign both ASL and plains trade language) with my right and masturbating with both (though I vary my technique) doesn't mean I type "AMBIDEXTERITY R00LZ!" Or bilingualism...oh wait, that is better, especially when I get Anglophones to say "Cai en amor con un chihuahua" over a PA system.
Do I think it's "better" to be bisexual? No. No sexual orientation is inherently superior to the others.
[/quote]
It's like handedness. (In fact, the stories of prison sodomy confirm that orientation is like handedness.) Now, just because I write and use my mouse with my left hand while cutting a steak and signing (I can sign both ASL and plains trade language) with my right and masturbating with both (though I vary my technique) doesn't mean I type "AMBIDEXTERITY R00LZ!" Or bilingualism...oh wait, that is better, especially when I get Anglophones to say "Cai en amor con un chihuahua" over a PA system.
Here's a more [link=http://www.salp.wmich.edu/lbg/GLB/Manual/mythsand.html]reaffirming[/link] page. I think we could use a little bit of that around here.
blo1988: Great page Dee.
Also, hope that what I wrote is understood as affirming. I absolutely wrote it from that perspective....hope that it reads that way.....
Also, hope that what I wrote is understood as affirming. I absolutely wrote it from that perspective....hope that it reads that way.....
Javierdude22: Dee, thats indeed a very well put website. And your right, a positive note would be nice, i re-read my post just now and i can see the therapists lining up 8) , so its good to read a different persepective.
Never the less...i can't help but note that the last 'myth' on the website, is basically a summarization of how i relate to the subject.
The struggle described so articulately by Blo is something i see becoming my own future. Ok dammit wait...before i continue....i'm a really upbeat guy ya know!
;D ;D i love life and shit...so don't get me wrong. This exact matter though gets me down once in a while when thoughts about whats to come become very clear.
So letss hear about other persepectives
Never the less...i can't help but note that the last 'myth' on the website, is basically a summarization of how i relate to the subject.
The struggle described so articulately by Blo is something i see becoming my own future. Ok dammit wait...before i continue....i'm a really upbeat guy ya know!
;D ;D i love life and shit...so don't get me wrong. This exact matter though gets me down once in a while when thoughts about whats to come become very clear. So letss hear about other persepectives
Purely physical, a human being - be it male or female - is equiped and able to performe sexual intercourse with both sexes. I think values, environment, education, culture do the rest.
For the rest... I am bisexual, but... there is something more to say than just a simple "bi". It always makes a difference. I chose to be bi. It's a wonderful diversity !
What could surpass a morning when you wake up next to her and she's still asleep, you take a moment to admire her body, to smell and feel her skin, to play with your fingers in her hair...? What could surpass that special feeling when a woman like a work of art reveals everything that could be most refined in charm, most subtle in grace, most divine in beauty and voluptous in intelligence ?
On the other hand...
What could surpass a morning when you wake up next to him ? I wonder what can be more beautiful than a muscular male body ?... The proportions, the muscle architecture, the splendour of his force - I rave about it !
Hard to decide... that's why I take pleasure in both ;D
For the rest... I am bisexual, but... there is something more to say than just a simple "bi". It always makes a difference. I chose to be bi. It's a wonderful diversity !
What could surpass a morning when you wake up next to her and she's still asleep, you take a moment to admire her body, to smell and feel her skin, to play with your fingers in her hair...? What could surpass that special feeling when a woman like a work of art reveals everything that could be most refined in charm, most subtle in grace, most divine in beauty and voluptous in intelligence ?
On the other hand...
What could surpass a morning when you wake up next to him ? I wonder what can be more beautiful than a muscular male body ?... The proportions, the muscle architecture, the splendour of his force - I rave about it !
Hard to decide... that's why I take pleasure in both ;D
blo1988: Javier, I had gleaned from your other posts that you are a pretty happy guy.
I wrote an earnest reply to your note because I had struggled with certain of the same issues. Clearly,I have no idea how these issues really effect you; I just wanted you to know that it can seem like a big deal.
It can also work out really well. My optimistic outlook on life served me really well in the long run, but I went through a brief dark spell because of my background and because I came to these realizations fairly late....I felt like I was bitch slapped.
Anyway........I think of myself as bi. I have been with about twice as many men as women...so I guess that I have a preference. It just isn't hard and fast.
Ok, it is too often hard and sometimes too fast, but I digress.....
BTW, I am not a psychiatrist (I am in a surgery specialty). But thank God that I had the good fortune to have access to one easily at a crucial time.
later.........
I wrote an earnest reply to your note because I had struggled with certain of the same issues. Clearly,I have no idea how these issues really effect you; I just wanted you to know that it can seem like a big deal.
It can also work out really well. My optimistic outlook on life served me really well in the long run, but I went through a brief dark spell because of my background and because I came to these realizations fairly late....I felt like I was bitch slapped.
Anyway........I think of myself as bi. I have been with about twice as many men as women...so I guess that I have a preference. It just isn't hard and fast.
Ok, it is too often hard and sometimes too fast, but I digress.....
BTW, I am not a psychiatrist (I am in a surgery specialty). But thank God that I had the good fortune to have access to one easily at a crucial time.
later.........
dantien: it took me a very long time (years) to come to grips with being bisexual. The page Dee linked to sums up alot of what I dealt with. But more than anything, it's not about labels but about what you are comfortable with. It takes alot of looking inward and not listening to what society, or your parents, or friends tell you. It's about being true to yourself.
8)WOW, I didn't think I would get that much interest in my topic. Like Woody Allen said, "Being bi-sexual increases your chances of getting a date..." I knew when I was 15 that bi was the right thing for me. I know that some out there think that's weird, but it all felt good and I didn't want to limit myself to just one pleasure. I do tend to lean more toward women, but if a hot guy comes along-- I am on it(pun intended). My current girl friend knows I'm bi and is okay with it. I have even meet women on swinger's websites that want to see me because I'm bi. Hope to hear more from you soon.
throb919: A really great discussion here. This group really excels at being able to explore any- and everything openly and honestly; it continues to amaze me: men, women, younger, older, straight, gay, bi, those rejecting labels and pigeon-holes, hung and not-so-hung, Doms, subs, those thinking with their big heads and those thinking with their not-so-little heads--an international, multi-racial, multi-cultural discussion with respect for all opinions and very little judgment. Wow! What if the "outside" world were like this...?
Who knew that big dick was the secret to world peace. (Then again...who didn't...?) ;-)
Javierdude and Blo1988, you sort-of "rule the room" on this one and I'm very interested in your views on the same issue from different POVs. Javier, I know you to be upbeat from many other discussions; that makes your real struggle on this one more...uh..."poignant" isn't the right word; "feelable" is about as close as I can get. I'm sort-of in Jonb's "handedness" school: it is what it is. But I'm very lucky that I've never struggled over sexuality at all; I've always been gay, always known I was gay, and never had a problem with it--even growing up Southern Baptist in a small town in North Carolina. Several if my bi buddies have struggled; more the "worst of both worlds" as described on Dee's myth/reality referral page. Kind-of a stranger in both worlds--socially/sexually anyway. (I know the "gay community" gives not-much-more-than lip-service to bi inclusiveness. Sure it's on the letterhead and the parade banner, but really...)
My buddy Mike thinks the gay community is worse than the straight community on this one, but finds no blanket acceptance anywhere. Like so many things, that happens one-on-one. He's made his peace and is (mostly) happily and "functionally" bisexual. I think ambidextrous does happen and you don't have to pick one.
But what about Norseman's question? Do you think fidelity and commitment (to attain the house/kids/picket-fence) are harder because you have twice the temptation...? If that's really what you (ultimately) want, you'd have to "foresake all others" anyway, right? Theoretically. Girls or boys. This is a real question, not a condemnation or "diss." As a gay man in a long-term committed relationship, I know we've had to make-up our own rules as we've gone along about fidelity and monogamy. You may have to do the same (I guess I'm pretty much talking to Javier, huh?). You'll be fine, I think...you may just have to redefine "fine" to fit you. And not try to live up--or down--to preconceived notions. Even your own.
Did I have a point when I started...? Thought so, but that was then, this is now...
Tony
Who knew that big dick was the secret to world peace. (Then again...who didn't...?) ;-)
Javierdude and Blo1988, you sort-of "rule the room" on this one and I'm very interested in your views on the same issue from different POVs. Javier, I know you to be upbeat from many other discussions; that makes your real struggle on this one more...uh..."poignant" isn't the right word; "feelable" is about as close as I can get. I'm sort-of in Jonb's "handedness" school: it is what it is. But I'm very lucky that I've never struggled over sexuality at all; I've always been gay, always known I was gay, and never had a problem with it--even growing up Southern Baptist in a small town in North Carolina. Several if my bi buddies have struggled; more the "worst of both worlds" as described on Dee's myth/reality referral page. Kind-of a stranger in both worlds--socially/sexually anyway. (I know the "gay community" gives not-much-more-than lip-service to bi inclusiveness. Sure it's on the letterhead and the parade banner, but really...)
My buddy Mike thinks the gay community is worse than the straight community on this one, but finds no blanket acceptance anywhere. Like so many things, that happens one-on-one. He's made his peace and is (mostly) happily and "functionally" bisexual. I think ambidextrous does happen and you don't have to pick one.
But what about Norseman's question? Do you think fidelity and commitment (to attain the house/kids/picket-fence) are harder because you have twice the temptation...? If that's really what you (ultimately) want, you'd have to "foresake all others" anyway, right? Theoretically. Girls or boys. This is a real question, not a condemnation or "diss." As a gay man in a long-term committed relationship, I know we've had to make-up our own rules as we've gone along about fidelity and monogamy. You may have to do the same (I guess I'm pretty much talking to Javier, huh?). You'll be fine, I think...you may just have to redefine "fine" to fit you. And not try to live up--or down--to preconceived notions. Even your own.
Did I have a point when I started...? Thought so, but that was then, this is now...
Tony
AnonyMs: I am not so sure 100% is truly the case. If I am a bi-female, my 'target' population of potential date mates are all the straight and bi men in the room and all the bi and lesbian women, assuming that none of the target population is wary of dating someone who is bi. Excluded from the population are gay men and totally straight women.
So in a mixed room of 50 men and 50 women, as this theoretical bi-woman, I might stand a chance with perhaps 40-45 of the men and about 5-10 of the women. But even that could change radically - if the room were in San Francisco, maybe 2 - 3 men and 40-45 women!
So in a mixed room of 50 men and 50 women, as this theoretical bi-woman, I might stand a chance with perhaps 40-45 of the men and about 5-10 of the women. But even that could change radically - if the room were in San Francisco, maybe 2 - 3 men and 40-45 women!
That's not entirely true. Bisexuals can get with guys and girls, but to say that bisexuals can get with everyone presupposes that I've got more a pick than afforded to me. Sure, perhaps I have a greater chance in getting off with somebody -- since men and women do the trick -- but that mere phenomenon hardly supports my unfair advantage in snagging potential mates.
Ironically enough, especially if one's bisexuality is known, there's a hesitation in pursuing an interest -- for fear of infidelity with the opposite sex (i.e. girl won't get with you because you'll get with a dude on the sly).
Seriously, biphobia's a pretty real phenomenon, I think, and as it was pointed out earlier, it seems like the biggest fear comes from homosexuals -- you know, folks caught up in the "confused," "fence-straddling" mindset. That's not to insinuate heterosexuals don't have and/or demonstrate similar anxieties; it seems a bit more... hypocritical, I guess... to look at someone gay who already demands a certain amount of tolerance from others, in turn, reject you for the same fears and anxieties as the straight world and the society at large.
Ironically enough, especially if one's bisexuality is known, there's a hesitation in pursuing an interest -- for fear of infidelity with the opposite sex (i.e. girl won't get with you because you'll get with a dude on the sly).
Seriously, biphobia's a pretty real phenomenon, I think, and as it was pointed out earlier, it seems like the biggest fear comes from homosexuals -- you know, folks caught up in the "confused," "fence-straddling" mindset. That's not to insinuate heterosexuals don't have and/or demonstrate similar anxieties; it seems a bit more... hypocritical, I guess... to look at someone gay who already demands a certain amount of tolerance from others, in turn, reject you for the same fears and anxieties as the straight world and the society at large.
bustyredhead: Actually, Dee, I've got an odd-yet-accurate analogy for that. I was once in a club, whose general membership was generally considered unfavorably. I happened to fit in well with people both in said club and those who derided it. I wasn't suprised to take a little flak from the 'outsiders', but they were pretty cool about it. What shocked the shit out of me was that some club members were more pissed at ME than the other outsiders. Apparantly, I tainted it for them. I think that it's something like that, where you're nervous when in a group of tightly-knit individuals, and an odd member makes the weave less tight. I don't often hear terms for degrees of sexuality, despite the fact that it's not just a 3-way switch, but I consider myself 75% straight, as in I have some attraction to other females on an intimate level, but am still generally drawn to the guys. I guess that could be called S3H1 (Straight 3 Parts, and Homosexual 1 Part) for short.
- Nene (Bisexuals Are Greedy!)
- Nene (Bisexuals Are Greedy!
)Javierdude22: [quote author=throb919 link=board=meetgreet;num=1056566246;start=0#14 date=06/30/03 at 15:39:04]
This group really excels
But what about Norseman's question? Do you think fidelity and commitment (to attain the house/kids/picket-fence) are harder because you have twice the temptation...? If that's really what you (ultimately) want, you'd have to "foresake all others" anyway, right?
I know we've had to make-up our own rules as we've gone along about fidelity and monogamy. You may have to do the same
You'll be fine, I think...you may just have to redefine "fine" to fit you. And not try to live up--or down--to preconceived notions. Even your own.
[/quote]
Like Dee said, the non-acceptance is pretty big on both sides, that's probably why i'm not in the open about it yet. Look, many times (not always mind you) girls are grossed out by the idea of a guy being with a guy.....they find it 'icky' 8). Ive had this discussion informally a few times within a group of friends, and it just didnt work for them. Strangely enough, they didnt have that with girl-girl. So for real, 100% is a bit optimistic in finding a partner.
Dantien, youre totally right about being true to yourself, and that people should accept you for who you are and all (right on!)...but then we step back into real life, where you have family (VERY catholic Spanish), family you love and wouldnt wanna lose, friends (some might be cool, some not) etc. Or maybe one doenst wanna cut trough lines of judgemnt, non-acceptance, weird looks, or disownment (well, ya can't pluck a bald chicken so that argument doesnt hold) It a path full of crocodiles (?) and ya gotta tip-toe through them.
Blo...whats the name of your shrink!?!?!? lol..
Throb: This group really does excel!! I think its great to have such open and non-tabood discussion with cool people of all likes.
Norseman's question if its harder? I think it is always harder when your on the bispectrum of things, cause i think that eventually you'll have to fight off the desire to -just quickyly, just once, to get it off your head- do it with the other sex than the one youre building a life with. And like you suggested, setting my own rules with monogamy and all, for me doesn not include any step back concerning that monogamy. Monogamy means one person for everything. It sounds scary and cool at the same time.
My preconceived notions. In effect your right, if they make you unhappy, redefine them. I'll explain this one. Its like a two-brain thing. Like the myth, in my case, i DO have two brains. One in my dick, the other permanently dormant in my head. The dickpart is leaning more towards guys, sad enough. My brain part is oriented 100% towards girls, WEIRD enough...they don't mix see.
Lol...long post....loooong post
This group really excels
But what about Norseman's question? Do you think fidelity and commitment (to attain the house/kids/picket-fence) are harder because you have twice the temptation...? If that's really what you (ultimately) want, you'd have to "foresake all others" anyway, right?
I know we've had to make-up our own rules as we've gone along about fidelity and monogamy. You may have to do the same
You'll be fine, I think...you may just have to redefine "fine" to fit you. And not try to live up--or down--to preconceived notions. Even your own.
[/quote]
Like Dee said, the non-acceptance is pretty big on both sides, that's probably why i'm not in the open about it yet. Look, many times (not always mind you) girls are grossed out by the idea of a guy being with a guy.....they find it 'icky' 8). Ive had this discussion informally a few times within a group of friends, and it just didnt work for them. Strangely enough, they didnt have that with girl-girl. So for real, 100% is a bit optimistic in finding a partner.
Dantien, youre totally right about being true to yourself, and that people should accept you for who you are and all (right on!)...but then we step back into real life, where you have family (VERY catholic Spanish), family you love and wouldnt wanna lose, friends (some might be cool, some not) etc. Or maybe one doenst wanna cut trough lines of judgemnt, non-acceptance, weird looks, or disownment (well, ya can't pluck a bald chicken so that argument doesnt hold
) It a path full of crocodiles (?) and ya gotta tip-toe through them. Blo...whats the name of your shrink!?!?!?
lol..Throb: This group really does excel!! I think its great to have such open and non-tabood discussion with cool people of all likes.
Norseman's question if its harder? I think it is always harder when your on the bispectrum of things, cause i think that eventually you'll have to fight off the desire to -just quickyly, just once, to get it off your head- do it with the other sex than the one youre building a life with. And like you suggested, setting my own rules with monogamy and all, for me doesn not include any step back concerning that monogamy. Monogamy means one person for everything. It sounds scary and cool at the same time.
My preconceived notions. In effect your right, if they make you unhappy, redefine them. I'll explain this one. Its like a two-brain thing. Like the myth, in my case, i DO have two brains. One in my dick, the other permanently dormant in my head. The dickpart is leaning more towards guys, sad enough. My brain part is oriented 100% towards girls, WEIRD enough...they don't mix see.
Lol...long post....loooong post
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