Bottom is not hard

[deleted4911161]

Hey so what do you agree with exactly? He posted a lot of statements that are demonstratively not true and definitely not universal. Nothing against bottoms who get hard and cum while fucked but blanket statements such as what was said above rightly will get pushback when judging OTHER people and their biological psychological and sexual responses.

As I wrote in my long post above, making statements about the world based solely on ones own personal experiences and situations is a terrible way to live and causes strife and many other problems... not accusing you personally just restating.

I am not sure what exactly is judgemental about what I said. Sexual arousal is a very well understood mechanism, so that's that. My experiences and opinions are just that.

There is definitely something about bottoms who are not interested in getting hard or can't get hard while bottoming. A sort of disconnect between their penis and them. It's not a physiological thing, it's a mental thing. That's my point. I am not attracted to that type of thing but others are and if that's what you like as a bottom, then that's fine. No one is saying you are less of a person for it.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

I am not sure what exactly is judgemental about what I said. Sexual arousal is a very well understood mechanism, so that's that. My experiences and opinions are just that.

There is definitely something about bottoms who are not interested in getting hard or can't get hard while bottoming. A sort of disconnect between their penis and them. It's not a physiological thing, it's a mental thing. That's my point. I am not attracted to that type of thing but others are and if that's what you like as a bottom, then that's fine. No one is saying you are less of a person for it.

Nothing wrong with anything you wrote about your personal attraction or experiences. But when you say "something is abnormal if you don't get hard when bottoming" you're no longer stating oreferences and experiences but rather negatively judging others for a response that just doesnt occur to them and its a well known and natural response some men have.

If you keep saying "healthy normal men get hard when bottoming" you are inadvertently saying men who dont get hard when bottoming are unhealthy and not normal. That's all I and others who have probably took offense previously meant. Though I dont think they should have written angry responses to you but rather try to discuss as we are now.

 

[deleted4911161]

Nothing wrong with anything you wrote about your personal attraction or experiences. But when you say "something is abnormal if you don't get hard when bottoming" you're no longer stating oreferences and experiences but rather negatively judging others for a response that just doesnt occur to them and its a well known and natural response some men have.

If you keep saying "healthy normal men get hard when bottoming" you are inadvertently saying men who dont get hard when bottoming are unhealthy and not normal. That's all I and others who have probably took offense previously meant. Though I dont think they should have written angry responses to you but rather try to discuss as we are now.

I agree. Maybe the word abnormal has some negative connotations.

So let me start with the basics. How do you define sexual arousal in men? Does bottoming cause sexual arousal in you? Do you get hard before or after at all?

 

[rockhardbttm]

Hey so what do you agree with exactly? He posted a lot of statements that are demonstratively not true and definitely not universal. Nothing against bottoms who get hard and cum while fucked but blanket statements such as what was said above rightly will get pushback when judging OTHER people and their biological psychological and sexual responses.

As I wrote in my long post above, making statements about the world based solely on ones own personal experiences and situations is a terrible way to live and causes strife and many other problems... not accusing you personally just restating.

The entire world is based on experiences. That is exactly how it should be. How do you believe we have achieved the knowledge we have about how the body works and pretty much everything if it wasn't for the personal experiences that seem to repeat themselves over and over again? There will always be exceptions when dealing with biology. People can push back all they want including you but that doesn't negate his experiences.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

The entire world is based on experiences. That is exactly how it should be. How do you believe we have achieved the knowledge we have about how the body works and pretty much everything if it wasn't for the personal experiences that seem to repeat themselves over and over again? There will always be exceptions when dealing with biology. People can push back all they want including you but that doesn't negate his experiences.

I never said that his experiences are wrong or negated... I just said his personal experiences are not universal and shouldn't make universal statements solely off one's own personal experiences. Many people do this as we have encountered now and it causes strife. If we take others experiences into considerstion then blanket statements cannot be as easily made. Especially when making a negative statement about others just because their experiences differ from yours.

Did you know most data about male arousal is solely based on heterosexual men? There are different responses to arousal and roles in homosexual men. But it isnt well researched or taught. The "top" role closely coinsides with the heterosexual male role so there's a much lower number of men who have a different arousal response but is totally normal for them.

 

[rockhardbttm]

I never said that his experiences are wrong or negated... I just said his personal experiences are not universal and shouldn't make universal statements solely off one's own personal experiences. Many people do this as we have encountered now and it causes strife. If we take others experiences into considerstion then blanket statements cannot be as easily made. Especially when making a negative statement about others just because their experiences differ from yours.

Did you know most data about male arousal is solely based on heterosexual men? There are different responses to arousal and roles in homosexual men. But it isnt well researched or taught. The "top" role closely coinsides with the heterosexual male role so there's a much lower number of men who have a different arousal response but is totally normal for them.

Please share the research you're quoting that differentiates the arousal of gay men vs straight men. I think a lot of people here would be interested in further insight in who did the research and how well it was done.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

I agree. Maybe the word abnormal has some negative connotations.

So let me start with the basics. How do you define sexual arousal in men? Does bottoming cause sexual arousal in you? Do you get hard before or after at all?

The research and data for sexual arousal in men is almost 100% heterosexual men. It is known that there needs more research on homosexual men and their arousal responses.

Men who are more prone to the "top" role most likely have brain and body compositions simialr or identical to heterosexual men. But the bottom role is a bit closer to the female arousal response. If you try to use the definition for male arousal which is solely based off heterosexual men, it will make it seem like homosexual men are "broken/wrong/abnormal". When its very common and pretty well known that its different.

Also, prostate play is not well researched but is growing among heterosexual men. Ive spoken to some of these men over the years. Some of them have the best orgasms of their life while playing with toys but arent hard one bit! But normally get hard when aroused doing other sexual play.

Prostate play and bottoming are similar and there are heterosexual men who have the more typical arousal response also have a different one when engaging in prostate play and masturbation. They arent broken. Just different. There are also men who are rock hard when prostate playing and masturbating. All is normal. That's all I'm saying.

Me personally I can be rock hard when bottiming and can be soft as well. I feel all the pleasure and even have anal orgasms but my dick can be either hard or soft. Though I am not a good person to use for data because I am NOT a healthy individual unfortunately.

 

[Cum_is_Great]

Please share the research you're quoting that differentiates the arousal of gay men vs straight men. I think a lot of people here would be interested in further insight in who did the research and how well it was done.

Hmm perhaps I didn't explain myself well. There arent any research I can quote because it isn't being done. That was my point.

I honestly do not want to argue. I merely wanted to know what you had agreed with. I'm too high and trying to be chill. I can concede to you and @Fishsqueezee69 .

 

[deleted4911161]

The research and data for sexual arousal in men is almost 100% heterosexual men. It is known that there needs more research on homosexual men and their arousal responses.

Men who are more prone to the "top" role most likely have brain and body compositions simialr or identical to heterosexual men. But the bottom role is a bit closer to the female arousal response. If you try to use the definition for male arousal which is solely based off heterosexual men, it will make it seem like homosexual men are "broken/wrong/abnormal". When its very common and pretty well known that its different.

Also, prostate play is not well researched but is growing among heterosexual men. Ive spoken to some of these men over the years. Some of them have the best orgasms of their life while playing with toys but arent hard one bit! But normally get hard when aroused doing other sexual play.

Prostate play and bottoming are similar and there are heterosexual men who have the more typical arousal response also have a different one when engaging in prostate play and masturbation. They arent broken. Just different. There are also men who are rock hard when prostate playing and masturbating. All is normal. That's all I'm saying.

Me personally I can be rock hard when bottiming and can be soft as well. I feel all the pleasure and even have anal orgasms but my dick can be either hard or soft. Though I am not a good person to use for data because I am NOT a healthy individual unfortunately.

I think you don't understand how basic the physiology mechanism underlying erection is. Sexual arousal causes an increase in blood flow and from there an erection occurs. While one can be sort of mentally aroused or interested, sexual arousal is pretty specific. It involves a series of steps and a hormonal cascade.

There is no evidence as far as I can tell that a bottom or a top have different genetics or physiological composition. Besides, some gay men like myself switch roles. So do we switch physiology?

You are a very nice guy and I am glad you are chill about it. I think we are getting to an important issue, but I dont want to detract from the main subject here which is the OPs problem, so if you want we can have a separate conversation about this.

 

[Fuck_ilikeit]

[[see original post]]

I'm virgin cause irl i'm very shy and totally not into casual sex, but when i tried putting stuff up my ass i could never keep an erection (7,7")
Maybe it has something to do with the base of the penis and cavernous bodies or else it's a prostate matter.

 

[Alditra]

Hi everyone, u don't know how to make this question without sounding inexperienced. But here we go. I'm 32 years old and I have and 8 inch cock so I would say that I'm above average in that department, I'm versatile but when it comes to casual sex I'm only a top, lately I'm been fucking with this guy he is a bottom, he is younger than me (26) and I think the sex is great, I'm always looking for ways to please my bottoms, I want then to feel pleasure, cuz I've bottomed before and I want to feel pleasure as a bottom so when I'm a top I like to see the bottom rock hard and dripping precum, the thing with this guy is that he is not hard, he is hard when we are kissing and sucking but as soon I put my dick inside of him he starts to loose the erection, I've been fucking his hole for almost 2 hours and he didn't cum. He asked me to cum and I said "but you haven't cum yet" and he said that he couldn't while he was getting fuck. He said he loved it and he asked me to fuck him again, which I did, and same story, he was not hard and he didn't cum. I feel like I'm not pleasuring him. He asked me to fuck him again today and in my mind I'm feeling like a lousy lover, I haven't answered him yet. I guess my question goes to any bottom that can help me, like, is it normal? Do you feel pleasure even though you don't cum? Every other bottom I fucked was hard and always cum.

Always wonder how could someone have sex but not talking, like can't you just ask after sex? What he want you to do or somein, or did he enjoyed it, did he love it, is like people just meet then Immediately fuck-finished and then go home? no hugging or cuddling in bed after sex at all just immediately go after sex ?

 

[robl76]

As a top who has fucked quite a few guys, I notice that not all bottoms will stay erect or cum when being fucked, or that his erection will come and go during sex. It doesn't usually worry me, as long as he is enjoying it.

I always let the bottom choose whatever position he prefers, and often we just change position as he likes. The pleasure he gets from it depends a lot on the position, how experienced he is, and the size and shape of the penis.

I have a large (above average) penis and sometimes guys are a little bit unsure about taking it, or are inexperienced. In this case I always suggest that we lie on our sides, bring his knees up a bit, use lots of lube and go in slowly and gradually. In this position he has lots of control and can put a hand back on my thigh just to indicate if he wants me to slow down, or he can just pull forward himself. I never try to rush this stage no matter how horny I might be.

It is also important that he needs to be in the right mood, and relaxed, not worrying about possible pain etc.

Eventually, hopefully we'll get to the stage where my cock is fully inserted - or as far as he finds comfortable, and I will keep still in that position for a while. Either he, or I will start gently thrusting, gradually increasing speed and length. If he's not saying much to indicate his pleasure, I will occasionally ask him if it's okay, or if he wants to try a different position. Usually it will now feel pleasurable for him, once he's used to it. It's normal for it to feel a bit uncomfortable when it first goes in, but once there, it should feel mostly pleasurable.

I've had a few times where we've tried and he just finds it too uncomfortable or painful and we have to stop and do other things. It's not all about anal - plenty of other things to do.

One guy I tried fucking - he really wanted me inside him, and we tried a few times and he couldn't manage it. We did different things for a while, covered each other in lube and did horny slippery massage and sliding about on each other, our hard cocks between us. Eventually he flipped over, and I'm sliding about on his back, kissing his neck and ears, rubbing my cock in his crack.. he's flat out, legs spread, so I just gently start teasing his hole with my cock, or slide it between his legs. After enough teasing and getting him relaxed, he was so horny, and said "Oh, fuck! I want you inside me!". Then I switched from rubbing my cock in his crack, to sliding it in with all the lube. He was so relaxed and horny, this time it went inside no problem. We had an amazing fuck!

One other thing you can try is to get a simple prostate massager. I've tried a few fancy vibrating ones etc but the one I find works best is just a simple plastic one. Sometimes he doesn't cum, or I will cum before him but he still wants to cum. That thing usually does the job as it's quite intense stimulation.

Just play about a bit, try not to take it too seriously, have fun trying different things and getting to know each other's bodies and what turns the other on.

 

[Alditra]

As a bottom myself, i don’t get hard while bottoming. And I like it that way. I just focus on taking dick and getting stimulated which gives more pleasure than jerking off. If i cum hand free it’s good, if not it’s okay eithe ways; i just hate touching my dick and jerking off which for me i feel like it contradicts the purpose of bottoming. So don’t worry, each bottom is wired in a different way we’re not all the same just talk to him and learn what he likes.

Why? Isn't that the same as man stimulated her clit while he's fucking her? Or top stimulated or jerk or touch bottom dick while he's fuck him? Or touching bottom nipple

 

[Alditra]

I’m a bottom and can never get hard, have ED, and you’re describing something very common. If I ever can get hard it’s usually not during penetration, while getting fucked I’m always limp. I feel a lot more pleasure that way that any other stimulation on my dick. However, you should make sure to hit his prostate if you want him to cum, sounds like he’s still young and may not have figured out his body and how to allow anal orgasms to happen. Find his prostate, focus on hitting it and putting pressure on it and make his hole feel used

Is hitting prostate only happen in missionary? I don't think doggy hitting prostate coz the dick hitting the opposite direction innit?

 

[rockhardbttm]

Is hitting prostate only happen in missionary? I don't think doggy hitting prostate coz the dick hitting the opposite direction innit?

No... you can hit the prostate in many different positions, including doggy. Just depends on the dick.

 

[Alditra]

Anyway is ramming hard pleasurable or pain? When the bottom make a "hold face" to not put his hand on the top thigh to stop em, and making "painful" voice but it's just makes a top more ramming him till the bottom can't hold it and push away the top, it must be painful right? Not pleasure? But the bottom hold it becos its like a pride for em to be able to hold hard ramming from the top? Why did he do that? When he's only get a pain and not a pleasure?

 

[rockhardbttm]

Anyway is ramming hard pleasurable or pain? When the bottom make a "hold face" to not put his hand on the top thigh to stop em, and making "painful" voice but it's just makes a top more ramming him till the bottom can't hold it and push away the top, it must be painful right? Not pleasure? But the bottom hold it becos its like a pride for em to be able to hold hard ramming from the top? Why did he do that? When he's only get a pain and not a pleasure?

Yeah... that is not my kind of sex. Trying to endure as much pain as possible. I see that a lot in the media and it's shameful to me but there are bottoms out there who enjoy that that kind of sex. Also there are tops out there that enjoy inflicting pain.

 

[Believeit83]

I think you don't understand how basic the physiology mechanism underlying erection is. Sexual arousal causes an increase in blood flow and from there an erection occurs. While one can be sort of mentally aroused or interested, sexual arousal is pretty specific. It involves a series of steps and a hormonal cascade.

There is no evidence as far as I can tell that a bottom or a top have different genetics or physiological composition. Besides, some gay men like myself switch roles. So do we switch physiology?

You are a very nice guy and I am glad you are chill about it. I think we are getting to an important issue, but I dont want to detract from the main subject here which is the OPs problem, so if you want we can have a separate conversation about this.

There have been plenty of guys on here who have said they do not get hard when they bottom, but they are still aroused. I happen to fit into this group.

Instead of believing us, you choose to narrow-mindedly just believe in your own anecdotal experiences....

I just don't get people sometimes.

 

[deleted4911161]

There have been plenty of guys on here who have said they do not get hard when they bottom, but they are still aroused. I happen to fit into this group.

Instead of believing us, you choose to narrow-mindedly just believe in your own anecdotal experiences....

I just don't get people sometimes.

I believe you. I just think that the normal physiologic process of sexual arousal in males leads to an erection. That's just biology. There is a reason we associate erections with arousal.

I guess what I want to know is if you are able to orgasms at all when you bottom. Do you get hard after sex? Also, do you masturbate?

I don't think the way I posed my POV about this implied I am discounting other ppls experiences. Just precisely the opposite. I don't get it. I am open to discussing this topic.

On the other hand, going backbto the OPs question, I don't get why the OP (or myself) wanting our bottoms to have an erection is any different from a bottom wanting his top to be hard during sex or are you also ok with a semisoft top?

I think the thing about bottoming is that it is one of the few sex acts you can have without an erection and that's the only reason some ppl see it as ok to be soft when they bottom. While it may be perfectly fine for some, its definitely not for me. And honestly, I know we will all get ED at some point in the future, so I get it that finding ways of having sex without an erect penis is important, but I want to enjoy my partners cock while I can. I enjoy having sex with a man, and the feeling of his hard cock, moist with precum, in my hands, is sublime.

 

[ArabicBottom]

Is hitting prostate only happen in missionary? I don't think doggy hitting prostate coz the dick hitting the opposite direction innit?

Depends on the curvature of a man’s cock. If his cock is curving downward, doggy or from behind is the optimal position where he’d be thrusting against the prostate