BROmance

[DavidXL]

I had 4 1/2 bromances from high school until I got married and none since (the 1/2 was a guy I was and am really good friends with, that almost but didn't quite rise to the intimacy of a bromance, just a really good friendship).

2 of the guys I developed feelings for (or actually expanded those feelings, since I had them before the bromance developed), and nothing sexual happened, though I would have liked it to. Those friendships kind of drifted away when we each moved to different parts of the country.

1 of the guys had feelings for me that I didn't reciprocate. That one ended badly.

1 of the guys, there was nothing sexual about it, though we did used to joke about how women would always go to the bathroom together, so we would do the same and pee together in the same bowl. We even did it as a joke for old time's sake at a restaurant about 5 years ago. But, it was just goofiness, not really sexual.

 

[Jake1973]

yea, happened once. didn't see it coming but friend's friend pursued me hard and we ended up being really tight for like a year. he told me a lot of shit he (says he) never told anybody else... a really alpha dude sharing a lot of insecurities, etc.

unfortunately it ended badly... we still have to see each other due to mutual friends and it's awkward as fuck.

 

[933295]

There's no reason men can't have male friendships that have meaning and love for each other. Apert from social programing, friendships are natural and needed. The term bromance is simply that social fear, creating an accepatbility for something that is fine to begin with.

This is very well said. I've had several close relationships with male friends in my life so far. There can be some confusion when the feelings become more romantic. Most guys don't know what to do when the love is that intense. It's natural with a woman that when that happens the relationship becomes intimate and sexual. With another guy it doesn't go anywhere in that sense. I don't think it has to though. I think just spending time together, communicating and enjoying each other is enough. Maybe even sleeping in the same bed, cuddling and talking is a good way to sublimate confusing feelings.

 

[deleted973884]

They do exist and if you are lucky enough to have someone who you can really relate to and be comfortable on all friendship levels, hold onto it! I had a very close friend that, the only way to put it is I felt he was me and vice verse. We were connected at the core. There was nothing we didn't talk about or do together as friends. He was my go to for anything. Always had my back. Even my wife loved him like a brother. Just a great guy. Often ended texts with a "love ya bro". Absolutely no sexual feelings ever. My wife fills that need. This was different. Just a real honest bond between two guys. Unfortunately God had other plans for him. Only time I kissed him was on the forehead the day of the funeral. Like I said if you are lucky enough, hold onto it.

 

[Notaes]

I was curious to know if anyone else shares a real close relationship with a friend, to the point its like a real blood brother? Me and my friend are inseparable but we are both heterosexual. We tell eachother we love eachother and we hug instead of handshake. I find myself missing him sometimes. Because we love eachother so much it makes me feel weird like im in a relationship. By the way we never done anything sexual or close to it. Ive caught him masturbating a couple times lol Does anyone else have similar friendships?

I have no brothers but a bother n law that I love dearly like a blood brother. He's kind sensitive very good quality guy. We hug one another all the time and tell each other we love each other. Nothing sexual just a real good quality friend you don't find every day!

 

[EllieP]

Crap. I had written a long post answering this thread when it started sounding familiar. So I checked and saw I already answered about five years ago. Yeah, Ian is still around, but he's moved so doesn't visited except for a couple of times a month. I can see that Cap misses him dearly, and even talks about him when he can't talk to him.

I don't have the same thing with any women - even my sister. I see her maybe three times a year.

 

[elixer26]

Straight guys don't always know how to process feelings for a guy that he would have for a female. They usually get aggressive and or retreat.

This is very well said. I've had several close relationships with male friends in my life so far. There can be some confusion when the feelings become more romantic. Most guys don't know what to do when the love is that intense. It's natural with a woman that when that happens the relationship becomes intimate and sexual. With another guy it doesn't go anywhere in that sense. I don't think it has to though. I think just spending time together, communicating and enjoying each other is enough. Maybe even sleeping in the same bed, cuddling and talking is a good way to sublimate confusing feelings.

 

[223790]

I had one once a long time ago. I have posted about him before in other threads. In all honesty, I wish we had never met. He has caused me nothing but heartache and pain. No other male friend had ever had this effect on me.

 

[852838]

Years ago I became close friends with a guy and we spent tons of time together. I developed romantic feelings for him that he did not reciprocate. We eventually couldn't be friends as neither of us were comfortable with the other any longer,

It is kind of a shame as we were very close friends for almost three years. We never fooled around or even touched each other. I've had one or two super close guy friends since but never felt as strongly as I did with him.

 

[elixer26]

From experience I think these guys just feel that their sexuality is being questioned or they feel the need to be defensive and protect their masculinity and their heterosexuality. I don't think that it's anything personal against the other person I have experienced that a few times and I just see people as people regardless however I know that a straight guy doesn't see me the way he sees other guys for whatever reason they think that we as gay men are completely different than them so that causes a lot of miscommunication and barriers and that's what they set up, not me

 

[852838]

From experience I think these guys just feel that their sexuality is being questioned or they feel the need to be defensive and protect their masculinity and their heterosexuality. I don't think that it's anything personal against the other person I have experienced that a few times and I just see people as people regardless however I know that a straight guy doesn't see me the way he sees other guys for whatever reason they think that we as gay men are completely different than them so that causes a lot of miscommunication and barriers and that's what they set up, not and me

I agree with your post for the most part. The friend I mentioned was straight and not interested in a same sex relationship. I knew that but it didn't stop the feeling from happening, I wasn't angry with him for it but it just made the situation tough. I also had a crush on a former coworker who started dating a lady while we worked together and it was tough to deal with, but we weren't close friends outside of the office and when he got a different job, we never spoke again.

I think most of us crave intimacy whether it's sexual or platonic. The lines get crossed sometimes and it can create tension. The majority guys aren't gay, bisexual, or even curious to the point of experimentation. It can be tough to navigate though.

 

[elixer26]

I've set realistic expectations for myself and with guys regardless of sexuality, I don't expect anything.

 

[xmarksbreakdownx]

I'm happily in a bromance.

Unlike a lot of the guys here, we are "sexual" with each other. We don't fuck each other, but we do trade hand jobs and shit every now and then. I've always felt like after the first time we jacked off together, that was what solidified our friendship. I no longer had anything to hide from him, and he from me. We're also both bi/bi curious, so I feel like that has a lot to do with it too. I was the first person he came out to, and vise-versa.

Even before that, we told each other everything, confessed our fears, and all the other things people have mentioned. We use to hang out 2 or 3 times a week, and now less so since we've become busy with work, but still see each other often. And before anyone says it, no. I'm not "romantically" in love with him. I have really thought about it and discussed it with him too.

We've been through so much together, I can't imagine my life without him. I hope everyone has a friend like that in their life. I can see us being life long friends, and hope that comes true too.

 

[moonbeam]

Just caring about a male friend and hugging them, or even giving them a platonic kiss, doesn't inherently mean you're gay or bi. I'm 100% gay and I've had very close friendships with females, and would hug and kiss them from time to time when we were meeting or saying goodbye - it was nothing sexual at all.

Honestly, I *wish* I had more straight male close friends.

 

[502855]

I've never had sex with a close male friend, but have had a handful of really good, rewarding friendships. We hug, kiss on the cheek, tell each other that we love them, miss them. It's a special thing to have such vulnerability and platonic intimacy with another guy. To achieve it does take being vulnerable and admitting how you feel at the same time as not knowing how they will respond.... But I usually only go there if I'm pretty confident in our friendship to begin with and have already shared some intimate conversations.

Right now all my good make friends are scattered across North America, so I miss the tactile contact, but we stay in touch via Skype. The best knock-on effect is that I have been able to use these experiences to create deeper relationships with my brothers also... So as adults we hug and tell each other that we love them, much more than we ever did previously.

Part of me would like to jerk off, suck and fuck with male friends.... But in real life this feels like too much of a betrayal of the friendship we have created. Best to let this remain a fantasy and celebrate platonic male friendship.

 

[elixer26]

If I want intimacy with another man I would date or get into a relationship (I've done both) So, I don't feel like I'm missing anything with any other guy. I don't want anything else, just physical pleasure. I've had a few straight friends that I wanted to mess around with or visa versa but as mentioned above, I value the friendship more than bustin a nut. It's not worth it. At the end of the day, we bond and have such a good time with each other, that I would be cray to ruin that just for one night of sex or whatev. I can get that anywhere, so why jeopardize loosing a good, real friend?