coming out

[Mem]

The most important thing is to be out to yourself. Too many gay men live a closeted life and date and marry women.

 

[Mem]

.I didn't know I was gay until I was 25, .

How did you not know you were gay until you were 25? Were you not sexually attracted to men until then?

 

[Dallas-Big]

It is not an easy process, but once you find some other guys who have had similar experiences with the coming out process, you will learn that there is a whole society of people out there who want to support you and be your friend and help you.

The coming out process is very unique, it is not easy, and it lasts your whole life. It takes time to develop healthy, platonic relationships with other gay men (Plato in the classical sense), but they are worth the effort. You need these people in your life. Most straight people have absolutely no idea what it feels like.

I told my whole family at once, that seemed to be a good idea, that way there were no secrets or deception. Don't forget that some people don't realize that there is a difference between man-man sex and having a homosexual orientation. Sexual desire is only part of who you are. For me, I have found that homosexuality is more like a racial or ethnic identification, it goes way beyond the penis action! It is not a "lifestyle", "behavior", or a "choice". It is who you are, it is part of your identity, it is part of your personality, your emotions, and your mind. It is one of the contributing factors that makes you a unique, valuable individual.

 

[hotguy8884]

I knew I was gay when I was twelve. It's not finding myself that's the issue, it's coping with it that is.

Rob <3

 

[hotguy8884]

For me, I have found that homosexuality is more like a racial or ethnic identification, it goes way beyond the penis action! It is not a "lifestyle", "behavior", or a "choice". It is who you are, it is part of your identity, it is part of your personality, your emotions, and your mind. It is one of the contributing factors that makes you a unique, valuable individual.

Wow, thanks, i love this.

Rob <3

 

[Northland]

Hey everyone.

This thread is targetted towards the gay and bisexual members of LPSG.

..................................


I was wondering... When and how did you let your parents and friends know you were gay or bi, and how did they react? Also, do you have any advice to make the whole process a little easier?

Rob <3

My father was dead and gone before I came out as a mostly gay occasionally bisexual man. My grandfather figured it out by the time I was 15 although I denied it- he had seen me glancing at the crotches of just about every man I met and had found my collection of sinning stories where I was the sexual partner of various men-mostly school teachers. He explained to me that if I ever was with a man, it would be different from how I was perceiving it, (he gave no further detail). I was also always going on about a female (who I eventually gave my purity to); so, he knew I had interests in both genders. He emphasized that I try to only engage with people I cared for and to be careful as sex could be dangerous-disease. At the age of 20 I finally came clean with him, he again emphasized on my being happy and comfortable about who I was. My mother asked someone else within the family and that was how she found out- the person would not lie, even for my sake. I was 22 at the time. My mother did not take it well at first, eventually she accepted the gay part, never quite understood the bisexual. Friends have found out within the early days/weeks of our associations. Most have been okay with it, those who weren't either adjusted or ceased being friends. It was not until my mid-20s that I allowed myself to openly proclaim my sexuality.


It is impossibe to say if there is an easy way to come out other than just saying it and dealing with the reaction or lack thereof. It is however important to be open and true to yourself.

 

[Lex]

I came out in my early 30s and wrote about the experience on this board. I have found that being true to myself and sharing with those I care about has been more rewarding than any negative consequences thus far.

My thread is here: (Again) Coming Out

Good luck on your journey and thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.