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Here is the situation of one of my close friends. It has already provoked some interesting conversation with her and I thought it might generate some discussion here.
The woman in question is actually an ex that I have stayed very close to. To say that she has lived a lusty life would be an understatement. I met her when she decided she needed a one night stand and I was "it." Eight years later we still are around.
Anyway, late last year she decided to take a new approach with men. She really would like to settle down and find one guy. Most of her friends have already married. She isn't set on kids, somewhat because she is nearing 40.
One of the things she decided this time is that she was going to put off sex until she was really sure she liked the guy. She put up an online ad and was pretty specific that physical things would wait until the relationship was established.
She dated several guys and then happened on to one that seemed to be a good fit in a lot of ways. He is a little older, divorced once, no kids and owns his own business. He lives a little north of us, in a really nice house he built on a lake. He has nice cars, takes care of his mom and really has started to take care of my friend - fixing her car, driving her around and taking her places she hasn't been before. She started telling me and others that she did like and thought it might we working out.
Even though they had both indicated up front that sex could wait, they did talk about it and this is where I began to wonder a bit about him, though I kept it to myself. He had no kids from his first marriage and indicated that he had a "genetic issue" that meant he probably couldn't father children. The issue came up a couple times and she actually mentioned it to me. She confided then that she thought he meant that he was impotent. She was OK with that. She's been with well over 100 guys and more than you realize use Viagra, etc to get going.
A week ago she was at his place and decided to escalate things. She apparently asked him if he'd ever wondered what she tasted like, which after as many drinks as they'd had, he gave in on. The problem was when she asked to reciprocate, he really did not want her to do anything. She can be pretty persistent and told him "Look, if there is a problem here, just tell me and we can deal with it together."
The problem was, when she slid down his pants, he for all intents does not have a penis. She said he has a "regular" sack, but that his penis was almost like he had a foreskin, but no dick. He apparently told her he was sorry.
She stayed the rest of the weekend and then he brought her home. They have gone to lunch twice since, but she is really torn. She has talked to me and a couple of her other friends. She really likes / liked this guy and was willing to wait for sex. She was even OK when she thought it was ED. But she was really taken aback but what she actually found.
She feels terrible. First, she feels bad for him. It really has to be an extremely hard thing for a guy. Second, she feels bad that she is probably going to make a decision based on sex. She was ready to wait, but she is really not sure she can move forward to someone that can't have intercourse at all. She knows there are a lot of things to sex, but the idea of never being penetrated by her partner again wasn't something she had thought about. She compared it to if someone had a horrific accident and couldn't have sex again, but said that is random and something that you didn't get a choice in going in.
One of her girlfriends actually suggested that she just go with the guy and find someone else - with me being the unfortunate example - to take on the other tasks he can't. This actually made her mad. Like I said, she likes the guy and this is a pretty traumatizing thing to her.
All of that ramble was for the question, what do you think you would do in a situation like this? Are you aware of anything similar? Even though they entered into this relationship under the idea of "waiting" for sex, do you think he should have let her know earlier that he had a situation that was so debilitating to that prospect? I don't know what she will do. I am sure I haven't heard the end of the story.
The woman in question is actually an ex that I have stayed very close to. To say that she has lived a lusty life would be an understatement. I met her when she decided she needed a one night stand and I was "it." Eight years later we still are around.
Anyway, late last year she decided to take a new approach with men. She really would like to settle down and find one guy. Most of her friends have already married. She isn't set on kids, somewhat because she is nearing 40.
One of the things she decided this time is that she was going to put off sex until she was really sure she liked the guy. She put up an online ad and was pretty specific that physical things would wait until the relationship was established.
She dated several guys and then happened on to one that seemed to be a good fit in a lot of ways. He is a little older, divorced once, no kids and owns his own business. He lives a little north of us, in a really nice house he built on a lake. He has nice cars, takes care of his mom and really has started to take care of my friend - fixing her car, driving her around and taking her places she hasn't been before. She started telling me and others that she did like and thought it might we working out.
Even though they had both indicated up front that sex could wait, they did talk about it and this is where I began to wonder a bit about him, though I kept it to myself. He had no kids from his first marriage and indicated that he had a "genetic issue" that meant he probably couldn't father children. The issue came up a couple times and she actually mentioned it to me. She confided then that she thought he meant that he was impotent. She was OK with that. She's been with well over 100 guys and more than you realize use Viagra, etc to get going.
A week ago she was at his place and decided to escalate things. She apparently asked him if he'd ever wondered what she tasted like, which after as many drinks as they'd had, he gave in on. The problem was when she asked to reciprocate, he really did not want her to do anything. She can be pretty persistent and told him "Look, if there is a problem here, just tell me and we can deal with it together."
The problem was, when she slid down his pants, he for all intents does not have a penis. She said he has a "regular" sack, but that his penis was almost like he had a foreskin, but no dick. He apparently told her he was sorry.
She stayed the rest of the weekend and then he brought her home. They have gone to lunch twice since, but she is really torn. She has talked to me and a couple of her other friends. She really likes / liked this guy and was willing to wait for sex. She was even OK when she thought it was ED. But she was really taken aback but what she actually found.
She feels terrible. First, she feels bad for him. It really has to be an extremely hard thing for a guy. Second, she feels bad that she is probably going to make a decision based on sex. She was ready to wait, but she is really not sure she can move forward to someone that can't have intercourse at all. She knows there are a lot of things to sex, but the idea of never being penetrated by her partner again wasn't something she had thought about. She compared it to if someone had a horrific accident and couldn't have sex again, but said that is random and something that you didn't get a choice in going in.
One of her girlfriends actually suggested that she just go with the guy and find someone else - with me being the unfortunate example - to take on the other tasks he can't. This actually made her mad. Like I said, she likes the guy and this is a pretty traumatizing thing to her.
All of that ramble was for the question, what do you think you would do in a situation like this? Are you aware of anything similar? Even though they entered into this relationship under the idea of "waiting" for sex, do you think he should have let her know earlier that he had a situation that was so debilitating to that prospect? I don't know what she will do. I am sure I haven't heard the end of the story.