Dating Aspergers

PhillyPrick

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Has anyone ever dated someone with aspergers? Its a lot of work for the person who doesn't have it.

There are a lot of issues like they don't text, don't ask you anything deep about your hopes and dreams, they ramble on and on about themselves.
 
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The need to adapt in any relationship is hard. When dating an "aspe" you are going to have to do nearly all of the adapting. Change will only happen slowly over a long period of time. That is the reality, it will not change.

Knowing that, you are either in, or out.
 
Get out! Run! There is no relationship with an Asperger or Autism sufferer. You can think you have a relationship with them, but they are completely unable to have any relationship with you, care about how you are or have any ability to gauge your mood. Carry on if you will, but it is doomed.
 
Get out! Run! There is no relationship with an Asperger or Autism sufferer. You can think you have a relationship with them, but they are completely unable to have any relationship with you, care about how you are or have any ability to gauge your mood. Carry on if you will, but it is doomed.

Whoa! Untrue. Just because a person has difficulties reading social cues does not mean that they are incapable of having deep feelings for another person. It doesn't mean that they can't be hurt. Aspergers is not a personality disorder and a person living with this syndrome is not sociopathic.
 
Get out! Run! There is no relationship with an Asperger or Autism sufferer. You can think you have a relationship with them, but they are completely unable to have any relationship with you, care about how you are or have any ability to gauge your mood. Carry on if you will, but it is doomed.

Remember too, that like all forms of autism, there is huge range of behaviours, etc. You can't lump everyone one with the condition into one group. Not to say there won't be issues in the relationship but then there always are.
 
Get out! Run! There is no relationship with an Asperger or Autism sufferer. You can think you have a relationship with them, but they are completely unable to have any relationship with you, care about how you are or have any ability to gauge your mood. Carry on if you will, but it is doomed.

That's not true. People on the "autism spectrum" can have feelings for other people and they can care about other people. It is true that they have trouble gauging other people's moods and reading ordinary social cues, particularly perhaps ones that are conveyed (often subconsciously) by facial expression or ordinary body language. But to say that they can't care about someone else is neither true nor fair.

That said, it can take enormous effort to maintain a satisfying relations with someone with Asperger's disease or autism. Some people will do this better than others, naturally, partly because some people have a better developed "emotional intelligence" than other people, and some people are generally more flexible about what they want/accept from other people.

To the OP: I think I'd try initially to look beyond the particular to the general - for example, the real problem is not that the person with Asperger's doesn't send you text messages but rather that he or she doesn't think to communicate with you when you're not together. This doesn't mean that the Asperger's person doesn't care about you, or even that he or she isn't thinking about you, but rather that all of this doesn't translate into the sort of action that we might expect.

Having said that, when talking to people on the autism spectrum, you might need to convert back to their way or thinking, that is, go from the general back to the particular. "You don't communicate" may not mean much, whereas "You never send me text messages and I wish that you would" is a much more concrete way of putting it.

Of course, the autism spectrum, which includes Asperger's syndrome, is just that - a spectrum, and some people are much more severely affected than others, obviously.

Anyway, good luck! :)
 
There are a lot of issues like they don't text, don't ask you anything deep about your hopes and dreams, they ramble on and on about themselves.

*sigh*

You should study this condition more before you make generalizations about it, because none of these were really true. They may be true of some aspies, but far from all.
 
Get out! Run! There is no relationship with an Asperger or Autism sufferer. You can think you have a relationship with them, but they are completely unable to have any relationship with you, care about how you are or have any ability to gauge your mood. Carry on if you will, but it is doomed.

Actually, most aspies are capable of basic empathy. It's part of the reason why their handicap in understanding the social world and therefore difficulty with forging relationships can be so distressing for them, because it is something they yearn for.
 
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*sigh*

You should study this condition more before you make generalizations about it, because none of these were really true. They may be true of some aspies, but far from all.
I concur, and along the way, you will come upon "blind spots" you did not know we're there in dealing with your own condition as well
 
Whoa! Untrue. Just because a person has difficulties reading social cues does not mean that they are incapable of having deep feelings for another person. It doesn't mean that they can't be hurt. Aspergers is not a personality disorder and a person living with this syndrome is not sociopathic.

Yes.

But...

I hope you know that personality disorder =/= sociopathic or lack of empathy or inability to forge relationships. There are many different kinds of personality disorders.
 
It's all very well making excuses for and explaining away the emotional defects of emotionally (and I think fair to say socially) stunted people suffering this condition, but living with a 'sufferer' of the condition long term is a deep unhappy experience. Witness all the women we all know married (ie tied) for decades to utterly unfeeling and undemonstrative emotionally stunted men and how they deeply dislike them. My father was autistic but he could pretend he wasn't. For years I couldn't understand his behaviour until relatively recently I recognised the symptoms. Deeply unfeeling, selfish, isolated, disturbed - it's a horrible condition for those around them, or it will become do with the passage of time. You just become unwilling to constantly make excuses and explain away how they are, and in the end you can't help deeply disliking them.

We all know people with this condition and there is a reason they're not socialising and having fun like 'normals' do, so why tie yourself to them? Brutal maybe, but brutally honest! So don't get caught in something that won't ultimately be emotionally satisfying to you (if you're a 'normal'). Hence my cruel (but true) remark of get out while you can. Run!
 
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I've been burned in exactly that kind of relationship. They say they love you, but they really can't. I know I'm painting with a pretty broad brush, but once bitten, twice shy...
 
It's all very well making excuses for and explaining away the emotional defects of emotionally (and I think fair to say socially) stunted people suffering this condition, but living with a 'sufferer' of the condition long term is a deep unhappy experience. Witness all the women we all know married (ie tied) for decades to utterly unfeeling and undemonstrative emotionally stunted men and how they deeply dislike them. My father was autistic but he could pretend he wasn't. For years I couldn't understand his behaviour until relatively recently I recognised the symptoms. Deeply unfeeling, selfish, isolated, disturbed - it's a horrible condition for those around them, or it will become do with the passage of time. You just become unwilling to constantly make excuses and explain away how they are, and in the end you can't help deeply disliking them.

We all know people with this condition and there is a reason they're not socialising and having fun like 'normals' do, so why tie yourself to them? Brutal maybe, but brutally honest! So don't get caught in something that won't ultimately be emotionally satisfying to you (if you're a 'normal'). Hence my cruel (but true) remark of get out while you can. Run!
LOL. Does anyone want to give this thread a racist bent? Let's discuss how such individuals might be relatively common among persons of one ethnic background or another. :rolleyes:
 
How truly idiotic to try and bring a totally irrelevant racist angle into this! You must be weird. Or with a very big chip on your shoulder. The real tragedy of this condition is not for the sufferer, but for those around them. Your problem seems to be something totally different!
 
How truly idiotic to try and bring a totally irrelevant racist angle into this! You must be weird. Or with a very big chip on your shoulder. The real tragedy of this condition is not for the sufferer, but for those around them. Your problem seems to be something totally different!
One man's normal is another man's weird, and vice versa. Very much to the point.