Dating the devout
- Thread starter crushinonted
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By devout, I mean that the guy is truly a Catholic. I understand working for the Church and being devout are two different things. He's got a huge crucifix, almost like an altar, in his living room and plenty of others in his home, a bookshelf full of books on Catholicism, praying, and God. He's heavily active in the Church, and not just during working hours. He's much more than a Sunday Catholic.
I think you misunderstood me., This was exactly the point I was making.
90+% of Finns are born into the Lutheran church, but very few people (max 10%) are active members. I formally separated from the church as I felt I didn't want to pay the taxes, and I thought the Lutheran church was against most things I valued, and has traditionally caused people here up in the north more pain than joy.
Long long time ago I had a summer romance with a handsome Italian man, in Italy, he was a serious believer, Catholic. Sunday morning sex would be followed by mass. That (haste) wasn't as much problem as was his allergy. My sperm over his manly skin brought out reddish rash in minutes... It took longer than the mass for it to disappear... Mental?
But boy what a seriously handsome man he was! :smile:
Long long time ago I had a summer romance with a handsome Italian man, in Italy, he was a serious believer, Catholic. Sunday morning sex would be followed by mass. That (haste) wasn't as much problem as was his allergy. My sperm over his manly skin brought out reddish rash in minutes... It took longer than the mass for it to disappear... Mental?
But boy what a seriously handsome man he was! :smile:
Isn't that what's known as sophistry?
Going back to the OP, I'd say it boils down to respect, values and compatibility.
If you can respect each other's beliefs and life choices and are willing to give each other the space and freedom to follow those beliefs you should be able to work around your differences. However, if one of you starts going on about why the other is wrong and saying they should change, it's doomed.
If you have similar values, that also helps, but if your values are completely different, you may as well quit before you get too involved.
Assuming that you are looking for something long term with him, I think that there are two fundamental issues to address.
First, one of the pillars of being in a mixed faith relationship (I include one partner not having any professed faith at all) is respect for each other's faith and beliefs. If you respect him enough to respect his personal faith then polar differences in faith can be addressed, and don't have to be an issue in a relationship. There's a hidden catch in that though. IMHO it's not possible to denigrate the institution while at the same time professing to respect his choice to be a part of it. In light of your personal walk of faith, to draw a parallel he can't say "I hate your mother but I respect your decision to love her." A respectful lover might instead say, "I don't see eye to eye with your mother, but I want you to have the best possible relationship with her that you can. Tell me what I can do to help."
Issue number two is why. I believe that in any healthy relationship both partners need to proactively encourage each other to grow as individuals. Just as in my previous example where he'd need to encourage you nurture your relationship with your mother, part of that personal growth for someone as you describe includes nurturing and growing in his faith. While I can encourage someone to grow in something that I have no opinion about, for me (at least) it would be very difficult to encourage someone to grow in their faith if I thought that their chosen institution was (insert any negative adjective here).
I will qualify this next statement by first saying that I am a married heterosexual man in a Christian relationship. I believe that the partner of a Christian individual accepts the mantle of responsibility for helping that person eventually fulfill their ultimate goal of meeting Christ in the afterlife. That would seem to be especially challenging for someone who doesn't believe in Christ. That's not to say that it's impossible. I know successful couples who don't share a common belief in Christ (specifically Hindu and Jewish married to Catholics). They share a common desire to see their partner grow in his/her own faith, and I have seen them live that by encouraging each other to practice their faith.
Of course, he may not feel that way at all. I suggest that if you are considering a relationship of any depth or commitment, that you decide first if you can fill those roles. Then ask him how he would like to see a potential relationship fit in with his faith and goals as a Catholic. If you feel that you at least have the potential to be who he will eventually need you to be, then you might be a good match.
First, one of the pillars of being in a mixed faith relationship (I include one partner not having any professed faith at all) is respect for each other's faith and beliefs. If you respect him enough to respect his personal faith then polar differences in faith can be addressed, and don't have to be an issue in a relationship. There's a hidden catch in that though. IMHO it's not possible to denigrate the institution while at the same time professing to respect his choice to be a part of it. In light of your personal walk of faith, to draw a parallel he can't say "I hate your mother but I respect your decision to love her." A respectful lover might instead say, "I don't see eye to eye with your mother, but I want you to have the best possible relationship with her that you can. Tell me what I can do to help."
Issue number two is why. I believe that in any healthy relationship both partners need to proactively encourage each other to grow as individuals. Just as in my previous example where he'd need to encourage you nurture your relationship with your mother, part of that personal growth for someone as you describe includes nurturing and growing in his faith. While I can encourage someone to grow in something that I have no opinion about, for me (at least) it would be very difficult to encourage someone to grow in their faith if I thought that their chosen institution was (insert any negative adjective here).
I will qualify this next statement by first saying that I am a married heterosexual man in a Christian relationship. I believe that the partner of a Christian individual accepts the mantle of responsibility for helping that person eventually fulfill their ultimate goal of meeting Christ in the afterlife. That would seem to be especially challenging for someone who doesn't believe in Christ. That's not to say that it's impossible. I know successful couples who don't share a common belief in Christ (specifically Hindu and Jewish married to Catholics). They share a common desire to see their partner grow in his/her own faith, and I have seen them live that by encouraging each other to practice their faith.
Of course, he may not feel that way at all. I suggest that if you are considering a relationship of any depth or commitment, that you decide first if you can fill those roles. Then ask him how he would like to see a potential relationship fit in with his faith and goals as a Catholic. If you feel that you at least have the potential to be who he will eventually need you to be, then you might be a good match.
Phil Ayesho
Superior Member
Its not a false equivalency.
It is believing strongly in an imaginary character with magical powers.
Its one thing to date a person who thinks there must be something beyond the ordinary material experience... something they can not define.
This kind of nebulous 'sprituality' is at least amenable to the idea that there is nothing they can claim to know for sure about such things.
But to be absolutely certain that YOUR magical sky-daddy is the one true magical sky daddy...?
That is an authoritarian and childish world view that tends toward the simplistic and disregards or denies reality.
For any rational person... such a relationship is ultimately doomed ( unless the rational person harbors or succumbs to magical beliefs, themselves )
