Dating the devout

[B_Nick8]

That's me exactly. I am not religious, and I do not like being in the company of one who keeps quoting religion on me.

It's not about religion. It's about principle. Trust me. I had to work really hard, especially as a young guy, to become free in my overbearing, waspy family, loving as they tried to be. Still, they were assholes for a year or so. Now, since then, they've been fantastic. Even my born again brother (who is an anomaly in our family anyway) is "very accepting" about it...but I'm not sure I quite accept that. PM me. We should talk.

 

[Silvertip]

Rather than searching for thoughts from the religious about how they relate to an agnostic/atheist it seems to me that you would be better served to look inward. If you are truly "about as anti-religion as one can be" I would say that you are more hung up on dogma than your Catholic friend is. He has demonstrated the pragmatism necessary to deal with his own homosexuality as that relates to the dogma of the Bible and Catholicism. You, on the other hand, show a blatant prejudice in having gone beyond non-religious to the "anti" position. Ask yourself whether it can work and if you can honestly answer "yes" then it probably will.

 

[crushinonted]

I appreciate your input. I've definitely been looking inward and confronting my own prejudices along the way. The pragmatism you spoke of is exactly what has me so curious. I'm kind of in awe of it.

Anti-religion may not have been the best choice of words. I'm just against those who would infringe on my equal rights, so I guess I'm more against the institutions that religion has created. Even that probably has more to do with where I live, because I really don't get the same anti-gay sentiment in a lot of European countries that are arguably much more religious than the U.S. I also have many religious people in my life and have seen it do amazing things for some, so I'm not against religion.

 

[Gisella]

As long as your values line up, it should be fine.

I do agree with that.

Same values.

 

[D_Terry_Tugnuts]

I had a girlfriend who was a devout Catholic. Didn't stop her from fucking on the first date, however, and she made it very clear I had to use a condom as she wasn't taking the pill. After we'd been together for a while I asked her if contraception wasn't a sin in her church, and she replied yes, a mortal sin. I then asked if she wasn't sinning by fucking before she was married, and using contraception. She replied yes, she was sinning, but confession would absolve her from the extramarital sex, which wasn't a mortal sin anyway, and she wasn't using contraception, I was. That was my problem, but as I didn't believe in mortal sin, that was OK. I asked her about previous lovers, and she said she'd always made them use condoms, even the Catholic ones. She loved sex and couldn't get enough, but went to confession regularly and always came back for more. I just couldn't get my head around her logic!

 

[Gisella]

and she wasn't using contraception, I was. That was my problem, but as I didn't believe in mortal sin, that was OK. I asked her about previous lovers, and she said she'd always made them use condoms, even the Catholic ones. She loved sex and couldn't get enough, but went to confession regularly and always came back for more. I just couldn't get my head around her logic!

That made laugh..so funny!

I do not embrace romantically and partner with people who makes no sense to me. I really flow by embracing all their being and merge in a pleasant embrace..body mind and soul pleasant.

I am not into religions rituals but into spirituality that engages my whole being, my intellect, my heart and etc..I do not care for religion devotions but faith..to me faith has to do with hope..I can't stand hopeless individuals..they come around to me as very negative and fatalists. Not attractive to have around..their vibes and energies..nope.

 

[701757]

I had a girlfriend who was a devout Catholic. Didn't stop her from fucking on the first date, however, and she made it very clear I had to use a condom as she wasn't taking the pill. After we'd been together for a while I asked her if contraception wasn't a sin in her church, and she replied yes, a mortal sin. I then asked if she wasn't sinning by fucking before she was married, and using contraception. She replied yes, she was sinning, but confession would absolve her from the extramarital sex, which wasn't a mortal sin anyway, and she wasn't using contraception, I was. That was my problem, but as I didn't believe in mortal sin, that was OK. I asked her about previous lovers, and she said she'd always made them use condoms, even the Catholic ones. She loved sex and couldn't get enough, but went to confession regularly and always came back for more. I just couldn't get my head around her logic!

That routine makes so much sense.

 

[rbkwp]

Know of a catholic / non catholic marriage, only to be shunned by the devout Parents
once a child or two was born, different story...the parents came around
and
the non catholic had her way, the kids never joined that church ... ever!

5 Adult kids now, and a solid introduction of Mormonism into the scene

she is a strange situation indeed?
Main thing is, the Kids were brought up in a perfect loving environment.

 

[Silvertip]

... Anti-religion may not have been the best choice of words ...

Yeah, with that explanation I wouldn't consider you anti-religion at all. I too have many problems with organized religion and the church.

 

[hrdhatdad]

Most church's serve as a town square for persons living in a community. Sure, it's organized religion, but for it's members, it's mostly social (perhaps not the crazy churches such as the People Temple). In any case, if someone wants to belong to a church, I'd be very cool with it. It has never caused a conflict between myself and my family. I chose not to join when I was around 13 I guess. Perhaps I'm fortunate. They rarely if ever talk about religion. On the other hand, I have a brother inlaw (same religion as my folks) that wants to talk religion all the time and not in a good way. However, it's simply understood by all of us that my brother inlaw has a lot of emotional issues that tend to make him a very ugly person. It has nothing to do with the church. He just uses religion in an attempt to feel better about himself (again...not in a good way). The guy has never even had a real friend that I can remember. These are the people to stay clear of. BTW, my sister was not very discerning when it came to meeting men. My point is that religion doesn't make a person creepy, unpleasant or boorish. They would have possessed those characteristics anyway. If someone is pushy about their ideology, it's generally an indicator that they have "issues" that run much deeper. I also believe that the anti-gay aspects of religion is primarily a generational issue that will get sorted out once the babyboomers are gone, at least in the US. Being a baby boomer myself, I witnessed their indoctination to despise anything gay and it had very little to do with religion. Religion was not even discussed until the gay civil rights movement begin gaining momentum.

 

[Exbiker]

I'm not very much into any specific religion.

But I am quite spiritual, and I have strong respect for anyone who understands that life has deeper meanings than money, material goods, celebrity, jobs, economics, and politics...

We do need each other. There must be communities. Shared understandings of good and evil. That's what humanity is...

So. This guy should be able to explain his practice. Limits it might create on his time. Or the limits of acceptable language, behaviour and so on.

Then it's up to you. You seem intelligent enough for it to work out just fine. Neither seeking to convert the other - and that will be ok ...

:smile:

 

[Corius]

Personally, I would think of it as an opportunity to really get to know where I myself am at in the world fof religion. The two of us might actually enmjoy discovering how deficient both really are as to where they are at in the matter of faith.
Some of us grow up in a traditon and accept it without question, but others in the same situation find themselves questioning not just their won tadition but all traditions.'


ONe ought nevver to dismiss the thought that all of us have a lot of delving to do to really grow up in matters such as this.

 

[MrGoodDate]

I think the persons of all religious faiths have sex and love it. Sorry to say some places put women down and make them mere possessions. Sex is best when shared and we both have the pleasure.
The Shakers died out because they did not have marriage or sex.

 

[rbkwp]

The Shakers died out because they did not have marriage or sex.








Sounds like what some Politicians still want to dictate should happen to the Gay Community in 2013 ..

those that do really open there mouths soon get the boot, fortunately ..

 

[B_smooth_7]

I'm Roman Catholic - and gay. I don't think of myself as devout by any stretch of the imagination but I do go to Mass each Sunday morning and would like to meet another gay Catholic. My ex was not Catholic when we first met but within a year he converted (he was agnostic because he was raised in the former communist Czechoslovakia). His grandparents were Catholic so he knew "something" about church and God, etc. He loved going to Mass with me and eventually was baptized.

I'm guessing that the OPs guy is not "devout". He happens to work for the Archdiocese in some capacity. Just because you work for the so called church doesn't make you devout. My brother says a rosary on his way to work almost every morning but he's not devout either. So I'm not really sure what it means. What does the OP mean?

 

[B_smooth_7]

I appreciate your input. I've definitely been looking inward and confronting my own prejudices along the way. The pragmatism you spoke of is exactly what has me so curious. I'm kind of in awe of it.

Anti-religion may not have been the best choice of words. I'm just against those who would infringe on my equal rights, so I guess I'm more against the institutions that religion has created. Even that probably has more to do with where I live, because I really don't get the same anti-gay sentiment in a lot of European countries that are arguably much more religious than the U.S. I also have many religious people in my life and have seen it do amazing things for some, so I'm not against religion.

Where did you get this? I lived in Europe for 16 years and in all the travels I did I've never seen anti gay sentiment anywhere. And Europeans are definitely not more religious than Americans!! Not even the Italians and Jesus is everywhere there - He's the "Coca Cola" of Italy. But the gay bars and saunas are definitely there and teaming with gorgeous men. Same for France, Spain (wow! Spain) and Ireland. The US is much more provincial and it's obvious in the fight against same sex marriage which is being adopted in the UK and elsewhere in Europe. Fuck, even Canada is light years ahead of us in those terms.

 

[mikeyinbrooklyn]

I think there are 2 important factors in determining a situation like this can work out. First, there needs to be 2-way tolerance: you of his religion, he of your atheism (I assume you are an atheist; "anti-religious" sounds aggressive, and if true, I am sure would be a deal-breaker for any religious person). The second factor is lifestyle compatability. If the other person's devout beliefs cause them to want a different life than you imagine, then it will not work out for you guys. Sex, for instance. If he is celibate, that may not work for you. But a devout person's beliefs will also affect their job, how they spend their free time, what movies they watch, how they see the world. If you really like this guy, and he likes you, you must have a frank discussion about whether the practical realities of your lives can support your feelings. Good luck: honesty now will make for an deeper love or more amicable parting than the alternative.

 

[tiger61]

I'm about as anti-religion as one can be, but I've recently started to get to know a truly devout Catholic. I mean, this guy actually works for the Church. I'm just wondering if anyone, from either side of the aisle, has ever dated someone with a polar-opposite religious view, and I don't mean one Jewish, one Muslim. I would really be interested to know how a religious person views the antireligious.

Just to give you my point of view. I am not religious, I am a Christian. There is a difference. But, if I was considering on dating someone with a totally different viewpoint of the world and eternity than I have, then I think that would eventually lead to much turmoil and heartache......on both sides. Being friends, or even close friends is not a problem. But I am not so sure about the dating thing.

 

[Lazor123]

It depends on the person, if they're constantly pushing me to believe in a god or whatever else they belive, then I wouldn't bother with them. But if they just did their own thing and let me be, then of course, I'd be fine with it.

I could go on about it, but I think it's best I leave it at that.

 

[701757]

Just to give you my point of view. I am not religious, I am a Christian. There is a difference. But, if I was considering on dating someone with a totally different viewpoint of the world and eternity than I have, then I think that would eventually lead to much turmoil and heartache......on both sides. Being friends, or even close friends is not a problem. But I am not so sure about the dating thing.

I learn so much from LPSG.