Did I cheat?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by HairyTXdude, Oct 5, 2010.

  1. HairyTXdude

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    So i've been seeing this guy since August 1st, we've done pretty much everything but the actually penetration and he's over often. He calls me babe and stuff like that and he talks about deleting his dating site we met on since hes happy to be mine. But when my friend said we made a cute couple he said "oh were not technically together". I told him once recently I was glad to have my guy around and he said "I'm just your date"...He was in my bed last week with me, and I said it was nice to have my boyfriend sleeping beside me, and he said "I'm not your boyfriend" I asked him "oh really? why not?" he just told me "yup, just not"

    Well tonight I got blown by a different guy and I feel k bad, I dunno if I cheated since according to him we're not together, what do ya'll think? :frown1:
     
  2. ellehutton

    ellehutton Member

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    When a guy flat out says he is not your boyfriend...i think it is impossible to cheat on him.

    I think your guilt says more about how you really feel for him though.
     
  3. jh62

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    What you did wasn't cheating at all considering he has made it blatantly clear that you two are not a couple. You can't cheat on someone you're not dating. If you feel bad about it, don't do it again because you're clearly attached to him, but don't necessarily expect the same of him.
     
  4. HairyTXdude

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    Well I do really like him, thats why i keep askin him to be my boyfriend... =/
     
  5. CAM4257

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    Well, I think you answered your question for yourself. How can you cheat if you're not really together?
    Still, I know what you mean in terms of wondering if you crossed some sort of unspoken line since you at least have been exclusive even if he's the one avoiding labels.

    It seems to me that you have to decide whether you want to pursue a more serious relationship with him or not. Maybe bring up the subject. You don't necessarily have to be at the bf level yet, but you need to know if there's an option for that down the road. If you're ready to commit and he isn't, there's a good chance he doesn't want to.

    On the other side, maybe you could give the situation a few more weeks and see how things develop. I definitely don't think you cheated on him, for what its worth!
     
  6. D_Tanya_Hardon

    D_Tanya_Hardon New Member

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    Well since this guy is such an asshole about pointing out that you're NOT boyfriends, no, you definitely didn't cheat. If you feel guilty it's only because you're a good person and a devoted partner, whether or not your man thinks you're worth a commitment. I actually think the way you described him was a little skeezy! If everything about your situation is a relationship except for the label, what on earth is he hiding from? What is the point of NOT giving it a label? Some people like to avoid labels, but I mean, here's an example of how stupid I think that is: On my bedside table there is a lamp. I refer to it as a lamp. What if someone I knew decided to say, no, it's not a lamp, it's just a light source. WTF?

    The point is, NO, you absolutely did not cheat. Since he's so adamant about saying you're not an item, I'm almost positive he's fucking around with others too.
     
  7. D_Tanya_Hardon

    D_Tanya_Hardon New Member

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    I guess I came off as pretty mad... My most recent ex pulled that shit on me though and ultimately what it boiled down to was that yeah, he wanted a relationship, just not with me. Which of course hurts, which instead of owning I just experience as anger. So that's where my attitude is coming from. Sorry about that.
     
  8. HairyTXdude

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    This made me laugh SO HARD! :biggrin1:
     
  9. HairyTXdude

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    No worries babe, so sorry to hear you had to go thru that
     
  10. flame boy

    flame boy Account Disabled

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    You obviously feel something for the guy hence your feeling bad but personally, you are not a couple and there is no official commitment - so you didn't do anything wrong.

    I'll also join the bandwagon which thinks this non-boyfriend sounds like a bit of a dick.
     
  11. vince

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    Maybe 2 months is too short a time for him to feel ready to accept the label of exclusive bf?
     
  12. PornForPatric

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    Okay, You've been hanging out together/dating for 60 days. He sleeps over, but you haven't had sex? He won't label himself as our boyfriend?

    I would ask him at what point will you be "technically together" and why he's not your boyfriend after 60 days, sleeping together and obviously you're having feelings for him. Maybe he's one of those guys who just assumes you know what he's feeling and that everyone works the same way he does. Get some clarification out of him.

    I'd say give it until the end of this month. If he's still all "I'm not your boyfriend" and "we're not technically together", you need to move along. From what you've said, my impression of him is that he's a jerk.

    As for the cheating. I understand, because you have feelings for him, you feel like you've cheated on him. Well, just because he doesn't say he's your boyfriend, doesn't mean you don't feel that way. So, I'd have to say that yes, you cheated. You crossed a line that your own feelings for him created. I don't know if it would be cheating from his point of view.

    Seriously, clarify things with him about what is going on between the two of you and where it's going.
     
  13. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    It's definitely not cheating if he's not your boyfriend.

    And I don't think there's anything terrible about him NOT wanting to be your boyfriend, as he seems to have been honest and upfront about it so far. But I think you need to decide if you are happy with the situation. If you aren't, you will only end up feeling unhappy in the long run.
     
  14. DV8

    DV8
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    I agree 110% I will also add that the last thing you need is for this guy to play with you and your emotions. I understand that you like him, and believe me, I know; I've been in a similar situation. Don't let this just crawl into your bed to satisfy his feelings of companionship and another man's touch, and it means nothing to him. You will only hurt in the end and then you'll fear that all guys are assholes and you'll make good guys pay for the mistakes of bad ones. Like PornforPatric said- give him until the end of the month (hell after 60 days, I wouldn't even give him that long, but you can), and determine whether or not he's wasting your time. Guys can be so stupid- you know- "I don't want a commitment"- even though they've been in a committed relationship for 4 years (example), but you know what I mean.

    I wish you the best of luck, kiddo :) I'm sure you'll be fine and you'll make the right call. I wouldn't feel too bad though. You're single :) And who's to say he hasn't had his fun too? Think about it.

    I'm not one for deceit, but don't even tell him about it. It's not his business. If you two do end up dating one day down the road and he asks you how many people you've slept/messed around with, you can give him the number. He doesn't need to know about anything you've done during the "Test Drive".
     
  15. avatarng

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  16. tgirlsrgreat

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    nah, you're good. the other guy just wants a fuck buddy, imho
     
  17. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    HairyTXdude, you did not cheat. How do you know he hasn't done the same thing? He's made it clear that he doesn't want to commit, at least right now, and unless there was some kind of agreement between the two of you, you're in the clear. Incidentally, you sound like a really nice guy.

    P.S. Who wouldn't want to suck that nice fat cock of yours?
     
    #17 B_RedDude, Oct 5, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2010
  18. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    The other guy has made it explicity clear that they are not boyfriends. It's not just that he hasn't said anything either way.

    This is a really odd way to look at cheating. I wouldn't want to lay a guilt trip on TX. He's in a vulnerable position and he hasn't done anything wrong.

     
  19. helgaleena

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    I think a person who sleeps over after a sex act is acting like a boyfriend. But that's just me.

    You took his word about it and stepped out to have a sex contact with somebody else, but it didn't make you happier. Try telling him about it, and the way he reacts will give you a lot more information about how he feels.

    It could go two ways: either it will surprise him that he feels jealous and he gets more serious with you, or you will be surprised about how cool he is about it and will get less serious with him. If you get less serious, maybe you should quit letting him sleep over after sex. Your bed is for cuddling. With a boyfriend.
     
  20. HairyTXdude

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    There was know agreement that I know of, unless he offhandedly mentioned something that I might have missed =/

    And thank you :smile:

    To be honest, alot of people do :wink:, but this was really the first time I've let someone that I didn't know really well actually do it, which is why it probably didn't make me happier
     
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