Divorce = Failure

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, May 14, 2009.

  1. Principessa

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    Divorce = Failure, this is what I was recently told by a male friend. I strongly disagree with his opinion. He maintains that a man or woman who is divorced is flawed. They failed at marriage and therefore they will most likely fail in any future relationships.

    I think this is bullshit. I think that if a man has been married and divorced say two or three times, it proves that he still believes in love and is willing to take a chance. :heart:

    Then again, I may be biased as I am the product of both my parents 2nd marriage. Mom had been a widow for 8 years, when she met my dad who was divorced. My parents will have been together for 46 years, July 5th this year. :hug: :kiss:

    Frankly, I'm soo picky about so many other things, that if I were to not consider divorced men as having dating potential, I'd never have dated at all.

    Do you believe Divorce = Failure?
    Do you think anyone who has been divorced is somehow inherently flawed?
    Would you date a divorced man or woman? If not, why?

    Ladies, which is preferable to date? A 40 year old man who has been divorced twice and has a decent relationship with his ex-wives & children or a 40 year old man who has never been married, has no children and whose longest relationship was 2 years?
     
    #1 Principessa, May 14, 2009
    Last edited: May 14, 2009
  2. hud01

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    Humans by nature fail. Nobody is perfect. You fail at one job. It doesn't mean you are going to necessarily fail at the next one. You fail at getting a date with one girl. Doesn't mean you aren't going to get another girl to go out with you.

    Before you marry you normally date many other people and those relationships fail. You keep looking until you find who you think is the one. Many times that includes living with someone, which is like being married without the ceremony and piece of paper.

    So sometimes you actually go through the whole thing and then find out that you were wrong, or as time goes on you or your partner change, or don't change when they should and it fails.

    With the divorce rate being as high as it is, if you take out all those people, you remove a significant number from the dating pool.
     
  3. houtx48

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    "I think that if a man has been married and divorced say two or three times, it proves that he still believes in love and is willing to take a chance"..........maybe he is just hard headed lol
     
  4. B_625girth

    B_625girth New Member

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    your friend needs to pull his head out of his ass.
     
  5. Principessa

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    True, most men are hard headed. :biggrin1: My beau is almost divorced so I guess I am biased in favor of giving divorced guys a chance.
     
  6. Principessa

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    :rofl: Awww, he's a good guy, just woefully naive about dating and relationships. :redface: If he knew I were a member on a site like this he would plotz!:tongue:
     
  7. nicenycdick

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    I think you have a point, NJ. If a guy has never been married by the age of 40, you have wonder if he is either very set in his ways or if he has been unable to make the compromises necessary for an adult relationship. Of course, you also have to question a guy who has been married multiple times. As in most things, moderation is the key...so a divorced guy? Not a big deal. A 45 year old bachelor? Questionable. A 7 times divorcee? Look elsewhere, I think.
     
  8. crossy

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    nj - two previous divorces is a danger sign. I would make sure that he didn't premature ejaculate or listen to Barry Manilow.
     
  9. hung

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    Interesting topic. I myself have been recycled once. Still enjoying life and would not have done it any other way.
     
  10. D_Lortius Waxwillow Piddlepoop

    D_Lortius Waxwillow Piddlepoop <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    divorce can equal failure and it could mean that your future relationships could follow the same path. when a divorce happens there is a two-way street and both parties had a hand in it's demise, so with that being said if you don't correct the problems from the first divorce then you are bound to go down the same road.

    i don't think that that person is inherently flawed. that couple may not have been the perfect match and didn't take the time to really know each other before they got married. i think that though you must take into consideration that there are some things that may not be altogether right with that individual that is divorced, and you may want to find that out when getting involved with them.

    i would not marry a divorced person, the reason is that they have too much baggage. i didn't want to be with a woman at the time that had been there and done that. i didn't want to enter a marriage with a woman that had kids because i didn't want to deal with whole the "baby daddy" thing!! when i got married i wanted it to be a new experience for the both of us, hell i even wanted a virgin.

    with that being said my divorce will be final in the upcoming months so does that make me flawed?? it could for some women will view me just like that individual views everyone who gets divorced. i am not looking to get married again EVER!!! i just want to make sure my kids are happy and have some fun.
     
  11. ManlyBanisters

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    Well that depends somewhat on the circumstances of each divorce. If two different women had divorced the same guy for adultery or abuse of some kind then yes, I'd agree. But if the marriages (and subsequent divorces) were very different then I would not agree in the least.

    Why are we talking just about men though?

    Do people see divorce for men and divorce for women as different?

    What about gay couple break ups / divorces?
     
  12. dolfette

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    i see staying in a marriage that makes you unhappy as a failure.
    takes two to tango. doesn't matter how hard you work at the relationship if your partner doesn't.
    also, people grow and change. who is the same person now that they were 15 years ago? sometimes this means that people just grow apart.

    your pal is a bit dim, doll.
     
  13. Principessa

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  14. Principessa

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    So do I! :yup:

    A friend is dealing with this right now, it's so hard for her but it's over. :frown1: Even their marriage counselor said there is nothing left to save and to get a divorce.


    True! People outgrow each other, doesn't mean they are somehow deficient.
    [quote ]your pal is a bit dim, doll.[/QUOTE] I know, but he's harmless and basically a good guy.

    For some men and women this is very true. Marriage for them becomes a series of Ground Hog's Days. Where they learn one more thing each go round until they get it right.


    i don't think that, that person is inherently flawed. that couple may not have been the perfect match and didn't take the time to really know each other before they got married. i think that though you must take into consideration that there are some things that may not be altogether right with that individual that is divorced, and you may want to find that out when getting involved with them.

    WHOA! You found a virgin?!?! :eek: When I was younger I said no to dating divorced men. I stopped that when I was about 35, as the older you get the more you need to widen the playing field not narrow it.

    [quote ]with that being said my divorce will be final in the upcoming months so does that make me flawed?? it could for some women will view me just like that individual views everyone who gets divorced. i am not looking to get married again EVER!!! i just want to make sure my kids are happy and have some fun.[/QUOTE] Sorry to hear about the dissolution of your marriage but I think you are being way too hard on yourself.

    :yikes: That is quite possibly the most retarded thing I have heard thus far! :eek: For the record, I happen to be a BIG Barry Manilow fan and I have never been married. :tongue:

     
  15. Phil Ayesho

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    The Idea that divorce equals failure is both stupid and correct.

    On the one hand, of course it means that a marriage has failed... however to characterize divorce as being indicative of the failure of anything other than that one marriage implies that ALL marriages have the potential to "work"... which is a stupid idea on its face.

    The notion that any marriage, worked at hard enough, could work denies the truth that human beings can change over time.

    While it is unlikely for a 40 guy to change much in the 10 years to 50... by the same token it is almost unheard of for a 20 year old to NOT change in the 10 years to 30.

    That 10 years determines so much... career, success, talent, and the growing out of teenage rebellion and into the mainstream of adulthood with its attendant responsibilities.

    A spouse that, at 20 seemed full of promise may well have been revealed to be an alcoholic by 30. A sweet girl might have turned into a women embittered by her husbands failures to provide, or her own failures to accomplish...

    Children entirely change the balance of a relationship, usually resulting in the mother switching her focus of attention away from the couple and onto the children... and being second place in her heart might be something her lover can not accept...

    And people make bad choices... especially young people.

    They may pick a mate because they find themselves attracted to opposites... only to discover that, long term, that excitement becomes pure resentment.

    They may be attracted to the wrong people because of poor role models, and it may take them a lot of suffering to get them to realize that they have this problem.

    Plus, most of us are limited in our mating choices to those people who respond to us...
    We might not even be attractive to the very people with whom we would have the greatest rapport, given the chance...


    Thomas Edison tried over 1,000 different materials to use as the filament of the first practical light bulb.

    999 of them failed.

    Does the overwhelming proportions of failures to successes make Edison a failure?

    Or, rather, are the only failures those reserachers who gave up after 999 failures without a single success?


    As far as "making" a marriage work...
    With enough grit and counseling, you might be able to teach a canary to live with a crocodile... but that would not be the best destiny for either of them...
    And it would not necessarily be "happy", either.

    Folks there is no God nor heaven where you will be rewarded for suffering thru a mental hell of a marriage...

    The only thing promised to you is THIS life... right here, right now.

    If you can find a better match for you... grab for it.

    And, secretly, all the folks who are 'toughing it out" to make their shipwreck of a marriage stay afloat, they will envy you your failure.
     
  16. dolfette

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    one day blah blah will give us a one liner...one day...
     
  17. Phil Ayesho

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    And one day you will give us an actual thought...
     
  18. dolfette

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    you did it!!!!!

    i knew you had it in you, blah blah.
    i knew it.
     
  19. D_Lortius Waxwillow Piddlepoop

    D_Lortius Waxwillow Piddlepoop <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    no i was looking to marry one at the time, but i couldn't find one. the woman that i did eventually marry only had five partners.
     
  20. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Yes and no. They failed the relationship, perhaps the friendship, perhaps their kids, and families. This is all circumstantial though.
     
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