personally, we didn't fail the friendship or the kids.
that counts as a big success.
a good break up is needs almost as much working on as a good relationship.
Divorce = Failure
- Thread starter Principessa
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that counts as a big success.
a good break up is needs almost as much working on as a good relationship.
B_Think_Kink
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LOL That's why I said it was circumstantial.
People also fail their vows... not if those are really special anyways.
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I have to agree and disagree at the same time. Because i know people who have never been married who couldnt manage a grocery list let alone a marriage. Because they fuck up all their relationships.
And i know people who have been married atleast 5 times and we all know whats going to happen in a matter of time. Would you feel confident in your future mate if you knew they had 7 divorces behind them? I know i wouldnt.
One divorce doesnt mean you are doomed for failure. Two doesnt necessarily indicate it, but it does tell me you arent real good about picking people. Which says a lot about you before you say anything else.
Alot of people don't see the common denominator with their divorce history. Oh well, there is always some poor sap who doesnt really care about it either and will marry them. We've all seen people like this.
And i know people who have been married atleast 5 times and we all know whats going to happen in a matter of time. Would you feel confident in your future mate if you knew they had 7 divorces behind them? I know i wouldnt.
One divorce doesnt mean you are doomed for failure. Two doesnt necessarily indicate it, but it does tell me you arent real good about picking people. Which says a lot about you before you say anything else.
Alot of people don't see the common denominator with their divorce history. Oh well, there is always some poor sap who doesnt really care about it either and will marry them. We've all seen people like this.
invisibleman
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Divorce could be a failure for some but a success for others.
I didn't particularly like how my boyfriend broke up with me. We ended up being severe enemies. That was really fucked up the way he handled everything.
I didn't particularly like how my boyfriend broke up with me. We ended up being severe enemies. That was really fucked up the way he handled everything.
If we're open to learning more about ourselves we often do it best through relationships. I've been married twice and don't consider either the demise of each marriage or myself a "failure". My first husband and I are friends. We understand that we loved and admired each other but were unable to live under the same roof together. We moved on and continue to stay in touch. My second ex and I are not friends and doubtfully will be due to the circumstances in our relationship.
Things happen, people change, and so do relationships. Sometimes the relationship can weather the changes. Sometimes not. I wasn't sure I was "relationship material" after my last divorce so I avoided intimate relationships with men for a few years. I still kept in touch with my male friends and made more friends who satisfied my primal urges while I continued my introspection.
Judging others by the number of intimate relationships they've had is narrowminded unless you know exactly what went on behind the scenes. Some people actually learn from the relationships that don't last and apply those lessons to the rest of their lives. My hats off to them.
Things happen, people change, and so do relationships. Sometimes the relationship can weather the changes. Sometimes not. I wasn't sure I was "relationship material" after my last divorce so I avoided intimate relationships with men for a few years. I still kept in touch with my male friends and made more friends who satisfied my primal urges while I continued my introspection.
Judging others by the number of intimate relationships they've had is narrowminded unless you know exactly what went on behind the scenes. Some people actually learn from the relationships that don't last and apply those lessons to the rest of their lives. My hats off to them.
invisibleman
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This is where I am in the whole scheme of things. I don't really trust many guys because of what happened in my case. I really wish I never met that guy at all.
mako shark
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I know that feeling pretty well.... My ex ran off 13 years into our marriage and I convinced her to come back and we were together for another 10 more years before she took off again. My 21 year old daughter said "quit trying to make it work dad" while riding in my car one day, DUH! Sometimes when you do what I do for a living failure isn't an option, so we take that approach in our personal life. Just my .02
D_Tina_Ciao
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I offer my opinion/case tentatively, with trembling and dread of being flamed, but here I go. I hope you will be kind, but I do not expect it.
I'm actually going through a lot of anguish dealing with divorce/remarriage issues presently. I'm divorced twice although I do not believe in divorce. I married for life, but my first marriage had to be terminated due to abuse. It lasted, with both of us faithful, 10 years before I left out of fear of being killed. Did not want to leave because I loved my husband with all my heart - he is just flawed due to being a victim of abuse himself - there was no counseling back then.
I made the mistake of remarrying a second man who I only loved as a friend - wanted to have children which because of the abuse to me, I never had in the first. Second husband was an excellent father but very poor lover/husband, not sexual or intellectual which I need, though not abusive. I "settled" and stayed, faithfully, for 31 years - was led to leave after children were all grown.
Not sure I can ever love again. I take care of my severely handicapped daughter who has Rett Syndrome (33, in diapers, on bottle, must have total care) every day, 365 a year - she has taught me the most important lesson of my life, unconditional love. I know how to love, how to give. I have only had sex with 3 men, first husband (both virgins when we married), second husband (also a virgin), and one man in between. Never have been unfaithful in a relationship.
Trying to adjust to being a very sexual woman who is now celibate (4 yrs.) and probably must remain alone. Difficult at present - do not want to make another mistake, but I need to love and be loved. Can't have sex without love; don't want love without sex (really need it badly, sex with love), and have only loved one man in my life, who has not remarried but will not have me back (messed up Christian doctrine - Deuteronomy 24:1-4). So here I am, between a rock and a hard place.
My case disclosed. Please do not flame me - I already feel like enough of a failure. *sigh* Life doesn't always turn out as we hope or expect - we do the best we can to deal with what life throws at us, and sometimes, life can be pretty unforgiving.
I'm actually going through a lot of anguish dealing with divorce/remarriage issues presently. I'm divorced twice although I do not believe in divorce. I married for life, but my first marriage had to be terminated due to abuse. It lasted, with both of us faithful, 10 years before I left out of fear of being killed. Did not want to leave because I loved my husband with all my heart - he is just flawed due to being a victim of abuse himself - there was no counseling back then.
I made the mistake of remarrying a second man who I only loved as a friend - wanted to have children which because of the abuse to me, I never had in the first. Second husband was an excellent father but very poor lover/husband, not sexual or intellectual which I need, though not abusive. I "settled" and stayed, faithfully, for 31 years - was led to leave after children were all grown.
Not sure I can ever love again. I take care of my severely handicapped daughter who has Rett Syndrome (33, in diapers, on bottle, must have total care) every day, 365 a year - she has taught me the most important lesson of my life, unconditional love. I know how to love, how to give. I have only had sex with 3 men, first husband (both virgins when we married), second husband (also a virgin), and one man in between. Never have been unfaithful in a relationship.
Trying to adjust to being a very sexual woman who is now celibate (4 yrs.) and probably must remain alone. Difficult at present - do not want to make another mistake, but I need to love and be loved. Can't have sex without love; don't want love without sex (really need it badly, sex with love), and have only loved one man in my life, who has not remarried but will not have me back (messed up Christian doctrine - Deuteronomy 24:1-4). So here I am, between a rock and a hard place.
My case disclosed. Please do not flame me - I already feel like enough of a failure. *sigh* Life doesn't always turn out as we hope or expect - we do the best we can to deal with what life throws at us, and sometimes, life can be pretty unforgiving.
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JLovesBig
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This is a tuff subject for me...I have been seperated for the past year and a half, married 28 years. I thought when I married it was for life, but we could never see eye to eye on anything, kids,money, jobs, sex...Nothing I did was good enough. I was a fridgid bitch according to him....Divorce = failure? I think not.
I can understand why you feel that way (at one time I felt the same about my ex's). But don't you think you're a different and better person since that relationship? I'll bet you've learned what you want/don't want in a relationship now.
And that relationship also gave birth to some fantastic inspiring music which others have been able to enjoy because you shared it with them. Just sayin'. :smile:
Phil Ayesho
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Never say never.
Always be prepared to dive right back in.
To hell with the potential pain.
If it doesn't hurt like hell, it doesn't matter enough to you...
Make a mistake, even, get shattered...
it is better to live life intensely than to insulate yourself to the point of feeling nothing.
Heartbreak is just proof that you must have loved.
Validation of your own desire to connect.
Risk it.
Delight in the joy, savor the sorrow, but drink deeply...
you only get this one life...
invisibleman
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Yeah, I know.:wink: It is old scar tissue still. Some days are sunny and some moments when I hear other peeps' stories--I get Post-traumatic stress on some of them...because they mirror my situation. I do try to gain from my experiences so I write instrumentals about them or write screenplays...or escapist fantasies about the bad things. :biggrin1:
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invisibleman
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FUNINTHESUN
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I WAS MARRIED FOR OVER 20 YEARS...HAVE 2 GREAT KIDS...AND I DO BELIEVE THAT THE GALS I HAVE BEEN WITH APPRECIATE AND ADMIRE A GUY THAT HAS BEEN WITH AND LOVED A GAL FOR A LONG TIME...I HOPE TO FIND THAT AGAIN
Never been divorced. I've been widowed three times now.The first two died from eating poison mushrooms,the third from a broken neck,she didn't like mushrooms
B_VinylBoy
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My mother married and divorced before she met my father. He should have taken that sign as a warning and run as far as he could! I know quite a few divorced men, and with quite a few of those it isn't surprising! I also know divorced couples where, clearly, something was wrong for both of them and they parted. But how did they get together in the first place?
I think that a failed marriage is a warning sign, and any future partners should take notice of it. But I don't believe it's terminal, as long as they understand and recognise the reason for the failure.
BOTH partners are to blame, always. It may be that you married the wrong woman, but you should have been more selective. It may be that you've got a personality and habits that will eventually drive the most patient person insane! If so, why did she marry you? Whatever went wrong, it's the fault of both partners.
These days there is no pressure to rush out and marry at 18 in order to have sex. We can have girlfriends and boyfriends (for girls) and plenty of sex, and when we're feeling old enough and wise enough and when we've met someone very, very special, then we can marry.
I think that a failed marriage is a warning sign, and any future partners should take notice of it. But I don't believe it's terminal, as long as they understand and recognise the reason for the failure.
BOTH partners are to blame, always. It may be that you married the wrong woman, but you should have been more selective. It may be that you've got a personality and habits that will eventually drive the most patient person insane! If so, why did she marry you? Whatever went wrong, it's the fault of both partners.
These days there is no pressure to rush out and marry at 18 in order to have sex. We can have girlfriends and boyfriends (for girls) and plenty of sex, and when we're feeling old enough and wise enough and when we've met someone very, very special, then we can marry.
nonsense.
what if one developes mental illness, refuses treatment and becomes abusive?
cannot be predicted or prevented.
and you cannot force your partner to get help.
head injuries can cause huge personality changes...they might become a person you just don't love.
or rape. if your wife is raped and suddenly cannot bear to have any man, you included, near her and she leaves you...this is your fault how?
shit happens.
life happens.
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