Do I say something

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MovingForward, Jun 20, 2010.

  1. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    I am currently in a conference, and my boyfriend has come along. An interesting happened when I realized I had I had forgot something in my room. I came back unexpectedly back to the room, to find him texting but he got scared, like he was trying to hide what he was texting. That was my first flag, but he stated I startled him because he had put the do not disturb on the door and thought I was housekeeping walking in on him. So then I decided to check his phone ( yeah I snooped) and by looking at his texts, I realized why I am at the conference all day he met some guy on the street and basically texted back and forth, nothing came of it, but he talked about all the dirty nasty things he wants to do with the guy.

    My question is do I even say anything. The only way I can accuse him is to admit that I figured out the password to his phone and snooped on him.
     
  2. atlas23

    atlas23 Member

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    comfront him, he is not being honest with u
     
  3. salter

    salter Active Member

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    How much does it bother you? If it's basically a stable relationship and you basically trust him I'd say leave it. Now you have on for and one against
     
  4. dolfette

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    i'd dump him and never tell him why.
     
  5. Florida Boy

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    Don't let him know you figured out his password. I can be useful in the future.
     
  6. dc46064

    dc46064 New Member

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    Depends on alot. myself, I never even look at the other halfs phone. Just because we are together, everyone is intitled to there privacy..............
     
  7. sukmycock00

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    I think privacy is necessary unless they've given you a reason to not trust them. I had a similar situation where there were a lot of strange behaviors coming from my bf and I found out he'd been sleeping with several other people and offering old men massages with happy endings for money. Don't mean to scare you, just saying that there ARE times when privacy is overrated
     
  8. lopo2000

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    You know, at a situation like this, it's always good to keep a sensible sense of competition. Show him why you're worth it, why having is enough and why other guys wouldn't be needed. Be kind and romantic to him, until he will feel terribly guilty of what he did. Chances are he will leave the slut, and even better he confessed and you startle him by saying, "I knew it all along..."
     
  9. luka82

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    If he cheated on you, dump him!
     
  10. D_Budd_Hert

    D_Budd_Hert New Member

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    I wouldnt say anything about the password deal .but ? Id confront him about his messages ....apparently things arent as good as U think, if hes texting or looking elsewhere...If U think hez worth it ? try talking to him ....find out whats missing in ur realationship that would make him do what he did .........
     
  11. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    Well I said something, pretty much that someone saw him with another guy which he denied. I hope he learned his lesson. I know he did not have sex with the guy, because the texts go back and forth about what they wish they could have done. I am keeping my eyes wide open from now on. We use the same computer and I am thinking of installing a program that records key strokes
     
  12. tallblondviking

    tallblondviking Well-Known Member

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    And you're staying in this relationship - WHY?
    1. He is either cheating or exploring his sexuality outside the relationship, whether it is with another man, woman, goat or “Ingrid, the Inflatable Woman.” That he isn't comfortable sharing with you is the more disturbing part to me.
    2. You are distrustful and suspicious - you said it yourself. He obviously can't trust you to share his position; you don't trust him to the point of installing snooping software.

    With both of you in positions of sneaking and non-trust, there is no long term future.

    The question to face is whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life, or at least a sizeable amount of the future, with this man.

    If the answer is yes, then how do you intend to deal with his obvious bisexual interests? Saying nothing and snooping through his email, texts, etc., is not dealing. Only frank and open discussions and constant communication can help you decide how you choose to act and what part you want to play in this relationship.

    If the answer is “no,” or “I can't deal with his sexuality,” what are you waiting for? Get out while the getting is good. Either way you need to find yourself a good counselor, therapist or even good friend to help you work through this. Otherwise future relationships stand to be poisoned by this.

    from someone who has been there…
     
  13. HiddenLacey

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    I think you would be better off ending it before you feel the need to snoop after him all the time. This is going to make you a horribly distrustful person. I would get out now.
     
  14. dolfette

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    you KNOW you can't trust him.

    rather than lower yourself to petty snooping, just walk away. waiting for cast iron proof of what you already know is just a way of not facing up to the fact that it's over. a way of procrastinating on the messy reality of dumping him.

    remember your self respect!
     
  15. green carnation

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    the wind is a blowing and you are finding the roots are not that deep.
    You dont trust him because you must know it is a bit suspicious him meeting some random guy on the street and then swapping numbers for sex talk. How did that happen anyway- was he advertising on a sandwich board he carried around?

    ?
     
  16. jonluke6ft2

    jonluke6ft2 New Member

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    Why would anyone stay in a situation like that??? There is NO GOOD reason.
     
  17. JamestownNudist

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    I'm sorry but I feel that YOU are just as un-trusting as he is. He has violated your trust and likewise you have violated his (by going into his PRIVATE phone. This is an all around bad relationship.
     
  18. likes2seemore

    likes2seemore New Member

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    come on guys!!! maybe its just a little harmless flirting??i don't know how long you've been together,but some time in the comfort of the relationship,you loose the confidence of your own attractiveness/sexyness.this sometimes leeds to playing the flirting game.it doesn't always mean you'd full on cheat, you're just enjoying the confidence builder. but...where he went wrong, was to not let YOU in on his little phone act. the way he tried to do it on the down low,is a bit of a worry.don't try and guess what is on his mind or his reasoning behind it...be honest and put it all out on the table.you are a couple and there should be no secrets between you.after that he will either open up and decuss it,or deny it.then you'll know what your next step should be.oh,by the way,i've been a monogamist relationship for over 25 years,and no body flirts more than i do.my lover gets a kick out of it.thats what trust can do.good luck...
     
  19. Chastig

    Chastig New Member

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    well, I think you should think about your relationship. Many factors are unknown to me (and many people here). Perhaps you two need to talk about this and see if he wants an open relationsihp, talk about if this is something you would be willing to except. Some men don't care as long as nothing results of the fun. What have you done if anything in the past that may allow him to think you are okay with this?

    Any good relationship has good open honest communication...
     
  20. patrick9999

    patrick9999 Member

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    So he's out meeting strangers on the street to text with while you're working?

    People in committed relationships don't do that sort of thing to one another.

    Screw his privacy as I think he lost the right to that when he did what he did behind your back - which is, IMO, much worse than snooping on some stupid cell phone.
     
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